Remembering Lily

Red

"What is this little girl doing in your drawing Laurie?"

She excitedly points to the space drawing of dark blue clouds. Laurie always loved colors and she's really good at telling stories through her art at a young age. Well, most kids are creative, their creative process is usually not hindered by worries or fears but Laurie, I can see her talent. I wanted to hear her thoughts so I asked and she didn't mind. Of course, little Laurie, at her young age is already passionate about art.

"She's playing in the rain because there's so much space for running. She forgot to bring her umbrella but she's okay. See, she's smiling."

I smiled at the sweet kid and touched the top of her head, gave her an encouraging smile before I proceeded to see the rest of the other kids' work. They would excitedly tell me about their drawings and the back-story they made up in their imaginative little brains.

I am a new teacher, as everyone knows in school but I already have some parents complimenting me, the stranger and newbie, because of how their children enjoy my classes. All I can say was 'I thank experience for that' which is a hundred percent true. Besides, I know more than half of these kids. They've been my students before and oh, how they grow up so fast. They are still little but I am aware now how the youth is not going to last forever.

"Don't forget everyone. Bring some colored pens for the next class. Goodbye and see you all tomorrow."

"Goodbye Miss Avelino."

I was dead tired when I headed through the office. After three days of working, I'm starting to feel exhausted even when I used to do this all the time before. I was used to this kind of work and suddenly, my body wasn't. My energy does not use to be as high as it used to when it comes to working. I probably strained this body too much, like a new machine overused just because you got used with the old one. Weird comparison but makes sense for me. Of course, I still try my best. It's a good way for distraction too. I want a plan but I'd rather act smart than act rashly.

I have given Stephanie a small nod and smile from to time, greeting her nicely but politely. I have not figured out the best way to approach her yet or the role I should play in front of her. What is sure for now is I don't want to be Lily in front of Stephanie. That life didn't go quite well. If she cares about me, she would not marry my husband and worse, not even a year after I died.

Still, I looked in her direction and clutched my hand together. "Hi. Miss Stephanie, right?"

"Yes, but please just call me Steph."

"Steph... sure." How I hate saying her name, "You can call me Ellie."

"Yes, yes. I remember you saying that when we first met. How are you adjusting to your new work?"

Of course, small talks. We had these before. Only this time, the roles are reversed. I remember distinctly when she approached me too on her first day. Eager to have a new friend, a mentor of some kind, back when she was a young and inexperienced teacher who is still adjusting to an independent life. I was a fool to help her and maybe got involved too much. A few weekend gatherings at my house happened where I introduced her to my husband and even invited her for a dinner prepared by my husband. Disgusting when I think about it now and realize that I may have played the role of their match-maker.

"I'm great," I answered her. Every inch of my body was in chaos, deeply uncomfortable with even this simple conversation. How badly I want to slap her in the face and ask her why. Instead, I fake a shy act, smiling innocently. "The kids are great. I love it here. It's just that..." I wasn't planning to say what I said next but I remember young Stephanie asking me for help and I said exactly what she told me years ago, "I don't have any friends."

She sadly looks at me, but with eyes that seem to have found a connection to another person. Looking at me like a mirror of her past self. It's a nod at my acting and a confirmation that I have given the message I wanted to relay.

"You know what, I know this great restaurant... The best in town. Let's have dinner there later."

Perfect.

Casa Lilia.

It didn't come as a surprise when Steph brought me to Yohan's restaurant. In fact, I was expecting it... aiming for it even. It's sweet t*****e when the present wife brings the dead but alive ex-wife in the workplace of the husband we share in different timelines. Such poetry.

Looking at the restaurant's name, the name Yohan picked as a wedding gift for me and after me was an addition to the satisfaction. There's still a part in his life I own, something to remind me of him. "Who is Lilia?" I asked Steph wanting to see a bit of distress. "If you don't mind me asking."

"Ah, Yohan- I mean my husband's grandmother. Did I tell you my husband owns this place? He's a chef here."

You didn't have to.

I ran out of lies so I didn't answer. It is the perfect time to scan around the place I spent a lot of time. We used to have dinner dates here and when Yohan was too busy with the restaurant, I played the supportive wife stopping by at this place during unexpected times of the day. He loved the surprise at first but as time passed by, the facade of him enjoying my company was slowly fading away.

It's supposed to be homey. I played a big role in the interior of the restaurant. Personally picked several antique furniture and decorations that suit the concept but I could no longer see the piano on the side. The walls that are once decorated with paintings are now boring and black. He must think it's just 'change'. Well, for me it's damage.

We sat at the table Steph picked. Telling me it's her favorite spot because of the lighting or whatever that thing was she was talking about.

"This place is great. I didn't know you were married. I'm jealous you have a husband who can cook for you and owns a restaurant on top of that." She loved hearing the compliments while I feel like I'm slapping my own self. "How long have you been married?"

"Five months, actually. I know we've been married for a short time now but I've liked him and loved him for a while now."

"Really?" I asked, can't believe the things I'm hearing.

"Really... Since I first laid my eyes on him. There's just... It's a long story but now, we're together and married!"

Like a bull raged to see the color red, the inside of my head turned chaos. I only saw red and the only thing visible was Stephanie with her happy smile. How I hate that it's sincere. How I hate that she liked Yohan even when he was legally my husband.

I've remembered the times she visited my home on weekends that I can't help but think are motivated with hidden motives. I hate the way she speaks about my husband and how she lives the life I'm supposed to live.

The bull was ready to attack so I smiled through my gritted teeth, my grip on the fork tightened. 

"Wow, that's love." 

How dare them all.