Remembering Lily

Tukma

The Tukma river has always been the subject of several stories. My friends would tell me tales that was told to them by someone who just heard it from someone else who also just heard it from someone else. The source was never clear and I think that it has added to the mystery the story itself tackles.

A childhood friend would gather us around and we listen wide-eyed at her story about a huge gold ship that would pass by the river at night time. It was not supposed to be visible to the n***d eye of ordinary people but the spells they would cast would sometimes not work on the town people who would occasionally see the human-looking deities who would ride on the golden ship, staring at nothingness as it passed by the river.

A friend of my mother swore that she saw an unfamiliar lady bathing on the riverside with expensive shiny clothes, obviously doesn't suit the river. She was talking to the wind while the birds were unusually humming. She never saw that mysterious woman again.

Even my mother would warn me often not to ride the bus at night as it would pass by the river. She blamed the missing people, any event that would pass as a mysterious crime on whoever was guarding the river.

I thought these stories was beautiful, a reflection of our rich culture and how folktales and stories of fantasy are passed through generations after generation. But of course, I didn't believe any of this. Why would I?

I placed the white lilies on the foot of the bridge. I purposely came here at six in the afternoon, timing the sun set. It has also been said that people would start to go home by this time and it's the deities time to wake up. I am not sure if I would see a single hint of them but I don't need any evidence. I also didn't come here to question their existence. I am the living evidence. My second life is an extension of something unexplainable.

"Thank you." I looked at the peaceful waters. "Thank you for this life."

I dropped one flower, "This is for my second life." I dropped another one. "This is my offering to you. I used to not believe the stories but when you're living the story you once refused to acknowledge, it is impossible to still not believe."

I held the last lily near to my chest. It was the smallest among the tree and yet it was the prettiest, not the slightest imperfection. "This one," I whispered. "This one is for my body."

It has been a year. Maybe all that's left are my bones and the only witness of my rotting corpse was the creatures under the river. It is a sad death when I imagine it that way which is why I am saving this lily for a special wish I know is already too late to make but I still want to grab my chance. "Deities..." I felt a rush of wind brush my skin and I would like to believe that it is an answer to my call, "Please give my body a funeral and let it be gone forever. I'd rather it be gone than be discovered after all this time... Please."

I have embraced this new life and even the life I claimed to have. I have made new friends in school and even made connections with the parents who have nothing but good words to say about my performance.

"We lost Miss Lily who I think is the best and had you who I fully trust my kid's learning with. Thank you, Miss Ellie." One parent said. I had to pretend I did not know her but I have taught two of her kids and now, her third one is under my class. I may have doubts about how I decide to live my life but there are signs that I am going in the right direction. That I am doing the right thing.

Which was why I decided to grab a quick dinner at Casa Lilia. I am not even coming to see Yohan and I do not have any plot or hidden motives. I just want to keep in touch with my old self and reminisce the past memories I've had in the place.

When I shopped for clothing, I picked something Lily would never even consider. I started to think about what would suit me in the present but Blake gave me this pair of gold earrings I owned. It was my favorite and she told me that my mother, after trying to move on with my death was giving away a few of my things and this was what she gave to Blake.

I was emotional again when I saw it in front of the mirror. It suits me and for just a split-second, I saw Lily in the reflection through my gold chain earrings, which lightly sways I make movements. I lightly applied makeup.

Looking great, Ellie.

The restaurant was the same since the last time I came here with Stephanie. Unlike before, every server and worker would stop for a moment, spare me a glance and a quick greeting. Today, I was greeted like every other guest. As always, this is another reason to feel down but I'm not making it a big deal today.

Tonight, I'd like to peacefully have my dinner cooked by my husband and go home peacefully.

"Good evening Ma'am! Can I have your order?"

I often order chicken adobo, an all-time favorite but I would like to try something else today.

"Shrimp tofu salad, for one and a glass of mango shake. Thank you."

I repeatedly claimed that tonight will be peaceful. I believe the deities will grant me my wish. I do not know what I did in particular that made me win their favor but I just... I just simply believe. Believing in exchange for nothing. I just feel peaceful. Maybe my wish has long been granted. Maybe my body-Lily's body was not found because it has been crashed by the car or was eaten by whatever was living under the ocean but because this is it. This is still the same body.

I paid for the bill and stole a few glances right where Yohan would sometimes seat or just observe the customers but he did not. The food tastes great but it does not taste like how it tasted before, the way my dear husband makes it. Maybe I am not really meant to see him tonight.

I walked out of Casa Lilia but before I go to my car, I looked at the sign which brightly lights up. They can pretend I no longer exist but I know parts of me will live through memories. I just hope that every time he'd see my name on his restaurant, he would think of me... even just for a split second.

"Oh my God. I'm sorry." I apologized when I bumped into someone.

"No, I'm sorry."

I looked up and it was Yohan. I was surprised to see him even when I initially expected he'd be here. He still surprises me but the look of surprise on my face was I guess, nothing in compared to how he looked at me. His round eyes widened as he stared at my face but that was only for a moment.

He just nodded at me, not even giving me a second look.

Whatever. I am not dealing with this today.

"Wait."

I looked at his hand gently gripping my arms. When I stopped to look at him, he released it immediately.

"Why are you wearing Lily's earrings?"