Remembering Lily

Fight or Run

He was dumbfounded by what I had just said. As a matter of fact, I think I, myself, am speechless as well. I wasn't planning on telling him right now. There was something I could not explain that has gotten into me. I was just supposed to ask for more information but ended up giving the information myself.

"What are you… H-how… How did you know about this?"

It was almost confirmed in my head but the verbal confirmation still sent shivers into my spine.

"Lily," he asked me. We both stopped eating at this point. His hands were on the table. I can tell he was itching to grab me or hold me, anything it would take to shake the truth out of me. "Tell me. Lily, please. I am begging you. What do you know? How could you possibly know about this?"

Adam could not stop himself already and stood up. With his sense of urgency, I almost panicked with him. I thought he would really force the truth out of me but he stopped as he reached the side of my chair where I was seating.

He kneeled and placed his hand together. "Did someone tell you? Do you know Adie before I told you about her?"

"No one told me anything, Adam and the first time I heard about Adie was when you told me about her. I had no idea who she is but..."

"But?"

I held his shaking hands and looked straight into his eyes. "Adam. I need you to take a breath and relax for now. I will tell you what I know."

Instead of staying at the dining table, I urged him that we stay in the living room where we can sit comfortably. It was more for Adam than me because I have already accepted and processed the fact that my life would be full of surprises. He is still new to this supernatural side of life. I remember staring at nothingness for days after coming back, just simply processing. When I considered breathing as a day’s accomplishment because I was really struggling to find a reason to just exist.

He might be surprised and confused but as far as I’m concerned, he is still doing better than me.

“I was telling you the truth. I was not trying to jump or kill myself when you saw me at the river. In fact, I was as confused as you are. But what I remember before seeing you were seeing that memory of you and Adie. If you want more proof, I can tell you the things she said. Even describe everything that moment.” I started.

"How did you end up there?"

"In the waters?" I asked, he nodded. "I don't know. I was lying earlier. I really have no recollection of going there. I was hoping what I said was the truth because that is the only reason why I go there. When I miss my friend when I pray for her. I'm sorry I lied. I didn't slip, Adam. It was like I slept and when I woke up, I was already in your arms."

"What if I didn't go there? What could have happened to you?"

"I wonder about that too. But it seems there's no answer for all this questions. At least, not now."

Adam was a good listener and tonight was proof of that. Unlike what I have anticipated, Adam listened to what I had said and took my words as facts as soon as the words slipped out my lips. He did not even have any doubts. He nodded and acknowledged what he can remember as well.

I can almost feel his desperation to believe my every word.

I did not tell him everything. I told him I would speak the truth but I did not promise that I will tell the whole story. I did not promise him anything about me, anything about my death or my past life. It would make things complicated. I want to solve that part on my own or maybe I’ll tell him more when I would have more information.

Thinking about my plans for revenge had become a past fact that gave me a feeling of shame. I was too drowned in that feeling of wanting to fix my life like a puzzle even when the pieces did not even fit together.

“Do you know what this could mean?” He asked me and I shook my head as an answer.

“This is why I’m telling you this, Adam. I was hoping you could help me because I don’t know why this is happening to me too.”

Days passed and we took the matter seriously. I was under Adam’s scrutiny which was why I felt conscious oftentimes but he was being honest even at the beginning that he wanted to know the why’s of the situation.

I am even more careful with what I said now. Adam was eager to spend more time with me which caused rumors at the school. He did not even bother denying those like he said before. I didn’t mind this about him, actually but it scared me that I might say something more than I am intending to and he might find out more about the actual situation.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” I greet him back.

Even with the seeking of the answer, I tried to continue living my life normally. I went to work, talked to workmates, had fun with the kids, and maybe sometimes stopped kids from fighting, talking with parents about it.

It was a breather, to be honest. To be able to communicate like an actual living person.

“I was hoping we can go somewhere this weekend?”

“Where?”

“Remember the place you told me last time? The one with the gazebo and the pond?”

“Yeah. I do.” I could never forget that. Every day, I would play it in my head, scared that the memory would fade over time. As easily as this can be forgotten, I just can’t because this is my evidence.

“I was hoping we could go there.”

“But… would there be other people there?”

“Just the caretakers and a few maids. Adie’s parents are already living separately.” He sadly smiled. “Adie actually owns it after her parents got divorced.”

“Okay.” I don’t know how but I was hoping this could help us and give us some clarity. “Let’s go there.”

As I was walking outside, I can hear footsteps from the back. I was riding the bus again today. Adam offered me a ride home but as a part of my defense to not say too much from him, I politely declined and said some excuse like I was planning to stop by somewhere to get something.

I walked faster to see if someone was really following me and I could still hear it.

“Who are you?” I asked. I think no one would be interested in me. If it would be a robber, then I’d give up my things but what worried me more was if it was Stephanie.

There was a shadow behind a block. I don’t think it’s a woman’s shadow. I hold unto my bag tightly, ready to slap it into someone, when worst comes.

“I can see you!”

He started to move and my grip tightened. I was getting ready to either fight someone or run away, depending on the situation.

“What the hell? Yohan?”

He showed up in front of me. "Ellie..."

I took a step back but he moved closer.

"I want to talk to you."