Remembering Lily

Casa Lilia

'Congratulations!.'

'Are you guys shooting a movie together? Hahahaha. Congratulations to both of you. I'll be waiting for the wedding invitation.'

'So lucky. Both of you are. I can't wait for the wedding. Be sure to invite me!'

I was cautious not to touch anything on the screen, carefully avoiding any buttons that may make me seem like a stalker or may arise suspicions but my fingers linger on the screen at times, carefully touching the remnants of my happy memories.

I've answered a lot of questions as I was setting up a social media profile. I can't believe I have spent an entire hour thinking about my music taste and how much of it should show on my profile. I even spent last night watching rom-com movies. In the end, gave up and watched hundreds of trailers for movies and series and read book summaries, catching up with what happened in the past year.

Who would have thought that this could actually help me in completing my identity, answering slambook-like questions I used to find stupid like my favorite songs and tv shows. I figured I was done covering basic information. Now, I'm someone with a hobby too.

For my profile picture, I just took a simple selfie with my work outfit. I was debating whether to wear glasses or not but I just went for my usual look. I just smiled at the camera and that was it. I didn't want to attract any attention anyway so why bother?

While I was on it, I took the liberty to stalk my old profile. Walk down that memory lane full of smiles and sweetness and made sure to start on the year it all started, almost nine years ago.

This is a small town and small talk is almost impossible to keep inside your circle. Once thoughts become words, thoughts that have any potential to become gossip, the people of Dilaab become unforgivable. It doesn't matter how pretty you are, how rich you are, how happy you are, or even how miserable you are, gossip does not choose to attack based on the weak or on the strong, to the rich or to the poor. The insecure prey to what they see are imperfections. Sadly for this town, no one is perfect.

When I was asked to visit a place of what used to be an area beside the park just right next to the construction are for a museum, I had no idea what to expect but I trust Yohan with all my heart that he was not going to make a fool on me especially on our anniversary... and the first anniversary we've spent together since we went to college.

I dressed nicely since it was obviously a surprise. How can it not be? I'm freaking wearing a blindfold I wish was less tight so I could take a quick second of a cheating peak. My vision is blocked with the handkerchief he used as a blindfold. I recognized the minty smell of his perfume.

"Don't peak." He warned me but I just rolled my eyes even when he can't see it. His hand brushed with mine as he starts to remove the blindfold. "Close your eyes until I tell you to open."

"Quite bossy, aren't we?" I teased as he laughed in the background. There's something different with how he sounds today. It's probably because of our anniversary but we are both not the celebratory kind of couple. We greet each other during this once-a-year event, sometimes joking about how long we've been together. Congratulating each other on how we managed to not break up yet.

"Lily." I heard him whisper keeping his instruction in mind to not open my eyes yet. "Will you marry me?"

Will you marry me...

Will you marry me...

Will you marry me...

What he said echoed repeatedly in my head, like a lovely melody I can't stop hearing even when he was done saying it. I stared at him, in shock.

I wasn't expecting a huge surprise but I sure wanted something special to happen. A really nice dinner he'd prepared, maybe a big bouquet of roses, a box of chocolates, a special message... but a marriage proposal was not included in what I expected.

"Oh my God." I was too taken by surprise that it was all the words that came out of my mouth.

I felt a surge of emotions when I heard him say the words I couldn't deny I've been dreaming to hear. Yohan is the type of person to be sure of his dreams and his plans and whenever he would talk about it, I am not really sure of how our future turns out. I'm not really sure if we once talked about marriage.

I just stared straight into his eyes, his tearful eyes yet no tears fell from them. It's like his eyes are shining glistening. It was impossible not to share his joy. He broke our eye contact and looked at something else. I turned to see what it was that he was looking at too and my surprise doubled.

I can't believe it.

'Casa Lilia.'

"I have a ring inside but I'm choosing to propose to you with this, with the restaurant I promised to own in the future... In the past, this was how I imagined my future, Lily. Owning a restaurant named after you, with you by my side as we spend the rest of our lives together. Lily... Will you marry me?"

I didn't have to think. I already have the answer to this question even before I was even asked. "Yes. Yes, I do."

While having our dinner as each other's fiancé, as Casa Lilia's first customer. Yohan held my hand in the picture as we stared into each other's eyes. The second picture was me holding my hands, admiring my ring while Yohan looks at me in the background.

Scrolling through my online profile was a trip to memory lane. Sweet memories suddenly turned into bitter-sweet moments.

I don't know why I did this. After what Steph said to me, I suddenly had doubts about my own memories. Like losing control of what was real and what's not. I know it happened but it brought doubts about what I thought was an imperfect but strong marriage.

I examined my own reflection in front of the mirror. I look just like my old self with this yellow dress I'm wearing. It feels right to wear but when I looked at myself, it no longer suits me but I still ended up buying it even when it didn't look right... because it felt right.

This looks perfect for my mother-in-law's birthday celebration. Nobody really invited me but I need no invitation. I'm sure they'll welcome my presence even when I'm a whole new different person... If not, then I'll make them.