Remembering Lily

Sleepless Nights

"Lily! Lily!"

There was a loud banging on the door. I felt like I woke up from a nightmare but even after waking up, it still feels like a scary movie.

"Lily!" There were screams again and the momentary fear of being invaded by some mobs subsided when I realized it was Blake calling me.

It was just a short nap. I remember distracting myself by making some lesson plans. My body is still feeling tired because of last night when I had almost no sleep thinking about the blood, hearing all the whispers. I can still see my mother crying and even if I didn't hear her voice, I know she was calling my name. It was so much to take in. I can't just close my eyes because in the darkness, the horror is even clearer. I don't have a sense of time anymore. I can already tell that this would no doubt ruin my body clock.

Like an undead, which in a way, I guess I am, I reached for the doorknob and then there was Blake heaving with sweats on her forehead. "Are you okay?" She examined parts of my body as she holds both of my shoulders. Looking for something. "I don't know but I was so scared." She said before hugging me tightly.

"Tired. Really tired. Inexplicably tired but nonetheless, still alive." I said as I tried to comfort her because she really sounded terrified. "Come in."

I yawned the moment we sat on the chair. It's already late at night, I'm sure because I was still working past nine. "What time is it?"

"It's ten."

"Oh." As if in cue, I felt hungry. People outside be talking about me being immortal then here I am, feeling sleepless and weak… on top of everything, I also feel hungry. Wow. I wish I have that secret power they are talking about. That would ease a bit of disappointment they would feel when they'll learn that I'm no more than a lonely revenge-seeking mortal fighting for her life back. "Food. Right." I just said even with all the thoughts.

"Let's just go for delivery."

"There's food delivery here?"

"Well, it's not like you're gone for a century. Surprisingly, this small town kept up with the technology." She got her phone from her bag and typed something. I took a peek and it seems like she is using an app to order some food. This is weird. I thought this town only do take-outs. We're hours away from the city where it felt like a few years ahead of us. "Any cravings?" She asked me.

"Anything will do," I was thinking of what to eat but I am not really craving anything in particular. I was never picky with food but the image of the red river came to mind. "Just not anything red or would remind me of blood." Then I would lose my appetite. Whoever did that was surely not for me because all that event caused me was stress and a lot of overthinking.

"Ah," she paused. "We'll talk about that later but let me just finish this for a moment."

I rested my head on the sofa, wanting to close my eyes again but this surge of panic just comes rushing in within my system.

I always know what to do. I do feel threatened and panic but I always come up with a plan. But what if people learn about me? It would be hard to prove but even Yohan sees Lily in me. What will happen if other people see the same? Considering people today don't even need evidence. They just believe what they want to believe and see what they want to see. I am even painted as someone I am not.

I can't even identify the difference between overthinking and panicking right now. Maybe this is a combination of both.

"So," Blake said after ordering. "People are talking huh?"

"They always do but this time, they are talking about me like a ghost, as a monster. You know what? I think I heard someone call me the white lady guardian of this town or the bridge. I don't know there are several versions."

"Yeah, I heard some. So… are you okay? Because those stories are really… imaginative. I saw a post online and the comments are really fan-fiction worthy. You think these people are frustrated writers or something. They can really use that talent into something more useful other than gossiping."

"It has been keeping me up all night but I think the wallowing should be over some time soon. I can't do this forever. It has only been one day. I didn't do anything aside from overthinking and I am already this tired. I wish I could sleep but it's also a luxury at the moment. I'm even scared to close my eyes. Terrified that I'd wake up floating in the waters."

I was speechless when Blake hugged me out of the blue. She rested her head on my shoulders which made me laugh. Kind of a different scenario after all this week's stressful events.

"Don't be so stressed about this. Sooner or later, these people who don't have other things to talk about will find other topics. You know that. It has always been like that."

"Hopefully because I can't go around walking, scared that my own ghost will appear out of nowhere."

"Ha-ha, yeah right. Then that would be scary. Now that I think about it, consider how panicked and scared I was when I first saw you with this face!"

Ah, yeah, That memorable event. I was so ready to just walk into my house and rest. Then all of a sudden, I lost everything. Just everything.

"Panicked? Yeah right. You were ready to bash my brains with a baseball bat or something." 

We were both laughing at this point. Reminiscing about the recent past already felt like ages. I've been through worse. That time, I thought no one would believe me. I was wondering why I lived when I'll live like a dead person but I regained strength and confidence, even the will to get back my life.

"Thank you, Blake." I candidly told her because I don't know what the future holds. What if I suddenly go missing? What if I die again?

I just don't want to die without trying. I want to live without regrets. I know I would only be happy if I were with Yohan. So, here I am, fulfilling that dream. The dream I once lived.

We heard the doorbell ring. "It must be the food," Blake says.

"I got this, Blake. I know I'm tired but you look more restless, Attorney. Go rest your case and your body." I was laughing when I told her.

I wonder what she ordered. When I got out, I can already tell she ordered fried chicken. Goodness, Blake. Her taste never changed. This is so predictable. I'll guess as well that these are different flavors of chicken. She really likes those. I remember we'd always have this when we go out of town. I married a chef and Yohan loved experimenting with food. Sometimes, I also miss the good old simple chicken deep-fried in oil.

"Thank you," I said to the delivery man as he handed the food.

I was about to go back inside when I saw a pair of eyes looking. Maybe this could be because of my sleepless eyes. I could be mistaken but I really think I did.

It was so silent so I tried listening or signs that someone was walking. Is Stephanie stalking me? She was the first person that came to mind and I don't think she can blame me because her stares alone are threats.

I tried to look around for some shadows or something but I saw nothing.

Maybe I just need some sleep. Hopefully, things get better when I get that rest.