HIDDEN (hide or die)

Chapter Seventeen

KYLE'S P.O.V.

I walked the length of my room back and forth, my hand running through my already disheveled hair as I borderline panicked. My heart was pounding out of control in my chest, resulting in my shaky breathing and that had my limbs vibrating in anxiety.

It’s six in the morning, the sun just about to rise, and my b***r nowhere near setting. I tried everything.

The internet wasn’t that big of a help either, and I couldn’t understand why it won’t come down. No cold shower or steamy intimate scene in one of my books helped, and doing… that, wasn’t an option.

I whirled around in circles, looking around my room from one item to the other, hopeful that one of them would spark a solution. Though I doubt my glass calligraphy pen would be of so much help in my current crisis. Unless of course, I’m aiming for a fancy hand-lettered final note before I officially meet my end. 

Which I’m not! My eyes fell on my discarded jeans, and the bulge in the front pocket where I left my cell phone, how I managed to convince my mum to get me one, I don’t know. But it was useless anyway. I prefer my larger screens, and with no one to call— oh! I have to talk to someone, but that someone can’t be my mum—obviously— because to ask her for help leads to giving explanations that would have a truth I wasn’t so ready to tell, to be uncovered.

“What am I going to do?” I asked myself, like I did a hundred times already, my panic slowly fading away to be replaced with ultimate frustration.

Would this be the situation every time we touched? That’s not normal. Being able to withstand a b***r for 8+ hours isn’t normal either.

I paused in my steps, eyes mockingly staring at the bland wall, “well I’m not exactly normal, am I” 

I fell on my bed, just as the toilet flush went off on the other side of the floor, mum was waking up. But there’s no way, I’m going out there. I sat up straighter, that thought had my vitals skyrocketing in utter fear.

There’s no way I’m going out there, but there’s no way I’m going back to isolation either. Not when I finally was able to walk out like a b****y normal person, even when I’m not a b****y normal person. There’s just no way. I can’t go back to that.

I shuffled to the foot of the bed and pulled my phone from my pants, I swiped across my pinless screen, logging into my contacts, which only had three. My sight zoned onto one in specific. Am I really going to do this?

I let my head fall into my hands as I contemplated my options, I could talk to Albert… I mean he’s… gay. So that wasn’t an issue. But with his own s****l issues, he’s dealing with, and it would be so damn awkward. But so would talking to Becky.

God.

Am I really going to contemplate my only option? The answer is yes. And it took my flat out three minutes—I counted— before I finally grew the balls to hit dial. Huh, as if I had any more issues growing.

I let out a pathetic dry sob at my own sarcasm towards my own self but quickly coughed it up when the line got picked up.

“Hellow?”

“Hey Becky… sorry for calling super early, but can we meet, like right now? I really, really, really need your help.” Tears filled my eyes when my erection made itself known once again.

“You’re fine, and sure, let’s meet up at the school and we’ll find somewhere quiet to talk—” 

“No! I’m– I’m sorry but I can’t go to school today it just…” I cut in, panicked.

The line went silent for a few moments before her voice reached my ears again, I released my breath. “Does this have to do with what you want to talk about?”

My shoulders sagged, and I muttered a defeated “yes.”

“Meet me at the beach then.”

I made sure to thank her before I hung up, with a bit of hope crawling its way into my chest, I flung myself into my closet, for once, for. Once. I was so damn thankful for mum’s god awful sense in fashion.

The bomber jacket nearly came down to my knees, efficiently hiding my problem, I threw a white shirt under, with some plain jeans. Loose jeans. I packed my school bag with random stuff, disguised in plain sight is the better way to go, mum will never let me skip classes without knowing the reason. We already discussed why she can’t.

I tiptoed down the stairs and avoided all the ones that creak, the ones that mum purposefully neglected to fix so that she can have a trap for me to fall into when she wants to know where I am. I usually flew down, but without the jacket, I’m exposed so,

I stuffed my feet halfway through a pair of sneakers, and was nearly free when my mother’s voice shrieked out, “not so fast Kyle! You’re not going without breakfast!”

My face bunched up for a second at being caught, before I closed my eyes and relaxed my features into a neutral expression. I turned around and smiled lightly at my mother, “I was just getting my shoes on, ma. I wasn’t about to go out hungry.”

She narrowed her eyes at me, suspicious. “Oh yeah? Get in here then.”

I silently groaned when she turned around and followed her into the kitchen. She went back to the oven and I climbed into one of the barstools by the counter. She craned her neck to face me, mouth open with something to say before it fell shut and her eyebrows bunched up.

“Are you okay, honey? You’re looking paler than usual.”

I looked into her worried eyes, hesitating for a moment before I lied, “I’m fine mama. Just worried about an English essay I wrote recently,” or rather, didn’t write.

Her eyebrows smoothed over and her eyes returned to their usual softness. “Well, my baby is a straight A’s student, I’m sure you aced the assignment honey. Now tell me why you actually look worried.”

I wanted to deflate then and there on the barstool when my method didn’t work. Complaining about school has never worked so I don’t even know why I bothered with taking that route.

“Becky asked me to meet up before school,” it’s the other way around but it’s close enough. I felt my face heating as I was once again reminded of exactly why we were meeting so damn early.

“Oh, what’s so important for you to meet at seven in the morning for heaven’s sake?”

My face went into flames at her teasing tone that gave away what she thought was the matter. If only you knew ma…

“I– I wouldn’t know now would I? That’s why we’re meeting!” I all but ran out of the back door like the devil was on my heels. He might as well be with this cursed situation I’m in.

I refrained from flying my way to the beach since it was a bit far from home and I was less familiar with the woods plot. I didn’t know all the thick trees I could climb to hide, or all the thinner areas I should avoid, unlike how I did with the woods around the neighborhood.

So I decided to hail a cab, except a familiar pale blue car skidded to a halt a few yards before me just as I was about to. I swallowed and hoped to god that it isn’t who I think it— “hey Kyle,” —is.

Mathew strode towards me after softly sending the car door shut, he stopped a short foot away and I involuntarily took a step backwards, right away hurt flashed in his eyes and I regretted my action.

Though my intention was never to hurt him, but to… shield him, and myself, from finding out the bigger issue at hand. Him being so close was only making it harder.

His throat bobbed as he swallowed, and his eyes cleared from the pain I saw there, and returned to its usual neutral coolness, “Matt—” said boy waved his hand once through the window, “— and I were wondering if you’d like to pick a ride with us to school?” he flashed a straight teethed smile, though dwindled down and not as excited. s**t, I really upset him didn’t I? 

I shook my head, well tough love, I’m about to make it worse. He went to turn around so I blurted out the first thing that formed, “I would have loved that!” he looked back, eyes wide at my loud tone, “But… I’m actually meeting Becky at the beach first,”

I saw false realization dawn on his face and I wanted to grab his face and kiss him, tell him I could never… but I couldn’t. He quickly masked his face and used a falsely airy voice to get me to ride with them, “that’s okay, we can take you?” he turned his face to Mathew with a questioning nod, to which he got one in confirmation back.

I’m officially cursed. Did I make that declaration already? I shook my head and had to grab on Andrew’s arm again to keep him from turning around. He must have mistaken that to a ‘no’ once more.

“That’s not what I meant… I’m going in the opposite direction to yours. You’ll be late to class if you drove me and then back.”

A full, honest smile took over his face, all the way to his eyes and before I can realize what he’s doing, he had my palm in his as he pulled me the short two ten feet to the car.

He opened the back door and gave me a slight encouraging push with his hand on the low of my back. I choked in surprise and stumbled over air before sliding into the smooth vintage cushioning of the car.

“To the beach, bitch.” Andrew had a pleased smirk on his lips. Mathew gave him an incredulous look, then rolled his eyes and pushed the brakes down.

“Hey Kyle,” he looked through the rearview mirror to lock eyes with me, his eyes had their signature chillness, but it was harmless. For now at least. “I’m Mathew. This i***t’s awesome best friend!” he had on a teasing smirk. “And chauffeur, apparently.” He added under his breath but I heard him nonetheless.

“Hello, Mathew. Thank you for allowing me to ride along.” Even though I’d do anything to be out of this seat in an instant. But I’ve already hurt Andrew’s feelings enough.

I’ve always wondered what it would be like if I met Mathew and talked to him in person. Not that we didn’t cross paths in school, but it usually was during bullying sessions where he was on the other team.

But apparently, we’re going to act as though those times he punched me in the gut never happened. That’s okay by me, as long as it stays this way. I want to know, though, what triggered the change.

Andrew adored his friend, and I wanted to see him the way Andrew did. But with me tensely folded onto myself, I couldn’t. Mathew of course noticed and gave his two cents. “The seat won’t bite,” he said. I didn’t know how to reply, especially when Andrew looked back with concern swirling in his green eyes.

So I used the first excuse that would seem logical. My hunchback. To which they both awkwardly

switched the topic. The ride went in three specific directions; either they were joking and playing around while I completely didn’t exist in that bubble, or Mathew took it upon himself to put me on the high chair and asking me all sorts of questions while Andrew silently listened on. Or we sat in complete awkwardness.

And that was how it is until we arrived at the beach. I scrambled to get out. Immensely glad that they did not know, see or even notice my situation. I thanked them and waved, about to walk away when Andrew’s hand shot out from the window to take mine.

Our palms were joined for the second time this morning and I don’t know how I held it together. “I’ll see you in class, right?” there was a hint of mischief in his eyes and I blindly nodded.

His hand slipped from mine then, and I clenched my fist around the piece of paper he left behind. They rode off and I stood there dumbly staring behind them. I was curious to see what he wrote in the paper. But I was distracted just as I was about to fold it open,

“Kyle!”

I looked up, met with a blinding smile from Becky on the other side of the road, I waved back. At least one of us is looking cheerful.

Her smile just broadened when I stopped mere feet away and she took my hand in hers, “don’t you look cozier today? C’mon, let’s get closer to the shore.” She pulled me along before I got to say anything so I kept quiet.

Then the water came in view and I halted my steps without even noticing- this is “Huge! I’ve never seen so much water in one place before!!” I gushed my amazement, turning to Becky who raised an amused brow at me. Her everlasting smile on her face gentling down.

“Is this your first time on the beach, Kyle?” her voice hinted at surprise and bewilderment, I could explain and say I didn’t have the chance to, since I “used to live with my dad” but I really hated lying to my only friend, so I changed the subject.

“Can we please sit down somewhere? I really need to talk to you…” she nodded and pulled me to a dry patch of sand, I sat cress cross, grimacing slightly at the uncomfortable tightness in my pants but thankfully Becky was worrying about her own skirt so she didn’t notice.

I’m really glad she picked this spot for us to meet. The beach was basically deserted. And rightfully so, seeing as it’s so early in the morning. But that was even better. No matter how lonely I got, being in crowds always made me uncomfortable in my own skin.

Becky looked up then, a sudden wave of worry drowned her eyes as she laid a hand on my shoulder, “what’s wrong Kyle? You sounded real urgent and scared over the phone,” I bit my lips, unsure how to come out and say it,

“Just say it, Kyle! I can’t help you if you stay silent!” her voice rose a little, scaring me shitless. But her eyes softened and she muttered a quick apology.

I nodded aimlessly, still confused on how to start but then I decided there wouldn’t be an easy way so I just blurted it out, “I… got an erection yesterday and it hasn’t gone down since. I tried everything. And –and s**t,” I hung my head low, feeling my face quite literally burst in flames.

I waited for her to laugh or— or I don’t know, give a reaction. But a few moments passed where she stayed quiet, so I looked up. Instead of the disgust, mockery or even pity, that I expected, there were curiosity and intrigue.

I was a bit scared— or weirded out— by her reaction, but grateful nonetheless. 

“Can I ask you a question first?” she said after what felt like a lifetime, and I nodded immediately, what could she possibly want to know?

“Why did you choose to ask me? I mean, most guys would want to talk to other guys about this..?” 

Ah. Well, I did consider going to Albert with this, it would definitely be awkward. And… that’s it really. I’m not sure why either. But something in me told me that calling Becky would be the right thing to do.

“You… were my only option really.” I decided that would be an enough answer for now. 

She smiled in response and got off the ground, pulling her handbag— and me— along, and away from the beach.

“Uh, where are you taking me, Becky?” 

She glanced back at me, a wide smile on her face— nearly bordering on scary— and replied vaguely, “I need to get you to Shadow,”

What?