HIDDEN (hide or die)

Chapter Twelve

KYLE'S P.O.V.

I sought out the coldness as I pressed myself further into the cool wall, my mum's voice bounced in the otherwise silent room as she called out for me, questioning my awakeness. I held my breath in, but otherwise, did nothing to wipe away the tears or change the foul-smelling shirt to rid of the memories. The wall was cold, the floor too. The breeze from the window 'refreshing' as it passed the streaks on my face. Hell; my heart was stone cold, but everything else was ablaze. Sadness radiated off me as heat pulsed under my skin.

I don't know how long I sat there against the tiled wall of my bathroom, wrapped up into myself as if by doing that, the actions of today won't hurt me. But the thing is, they already did. But I was too tired to give any explanation to my actions and I was feeling emptier by the second yet I did nothing to get relief. My mother had a late shift, then dinner with Sam. When she came back, I had my door locked to illude her that I was simply sleeping and not breaking into pieces after the incidents of today. I couldn't handle facing her in this state of miserable suffering after my first day of school, out in the open, a day that was meant to be filled with pleasant moments and promises of brighter days.

I was half-sure that she would've pulled me out as soon as she got notice of this. Or even worse, go talk to Andrew or his parents. And make him hate me even more. Speaking of Andrew; I wiped my tears and sniffled, looking out for my digital watch in the darkness, it read a quarter past midnight. And even though he did nothing but hurt me today, I still wasn't able to convince myself to skip my visit. I already did, twice. I thought that by going through with my grand plan, I'd be able to see him, talk to him face to face without having to hide in the shadows, but I guess I wouldn't. Old habits die hard, they say. And I wasn't entirely sure if I would've stopped even if I was talking to him during the day.

I pulled myself up from the floor, avoiding the mirror as I threw water onto my face. I hated that even when emerged in the darkness, I was able to see as if I had the lights on. It made it harder to escape from anything. A sigh heaved out of my lips as I situated myself on my bed, recalling the events that took place today once more, another sob shock through my body as I tried to make sense out of something that didn't make sense. One minute he was the nicest, the second he was the meanest. And it was unexplainable, for I did nothing for him to hate me so much!

I buried my face into my palms trying so hard not to cry, I always thought that I'd cry out of rejection yet I wasn't even given the chance to receive that bit of hate. I had to do something! I couldn't lose him... I couldn't decide which was worse, him rejecting my love, or being bullied by my love. Instead of giving me the right to cry out of my feelings for him, he gave me the right to cry out of the bullying he inflicted on me. I couldn't help but blame him for causing my plan to go south that quick. I had risked exposure to see him- well, the seeing part is all fine, though I don't think I'd be able to look him in the eye and not remember the sinister look he stared at me with. Now I couldn't talk to him, and that meant that my stalking tendencies were yet to be over.

I pulled open my closet, finally ridding myself from that awful jacket. I'd have to burn it somehow. I changed my tank top to another one, changed my pants and then pulled a baseball cap on top of my head making sure I had a scarf knotted securely around my face so only my eyes would show. But as I looked at myself in the mirror more; I decided to take off the cap, ruffling my hair away from my face. He did see me under sunlight but it was too dark out for him to distinguish me by hair color. I wondered if he would recognize me... I hoped not. Or at least a part of me did.

I stood on my balcony, the black scenery did nothing to bring me lightness as it once did. I spread my wings and flew my way to the darkness of the woods, the gushing wind left me clammy rather than satisfied. Everything lost its peak the moment he decided I wasn't worth it.

***

ANDREW'S P.O.V.

I couldn't get the image of his face out of my head, it was as if my mind was hell-bent on making me suffer by replaying the way his innocent baby blue eyes dilated in utter shock as if he expected it from anyone but not me. I don't know what led up to that thought, but the way he stood there midst to all the laughter and silently looked at me, as if he couldn't register it in his head that I had mocked him. Why on earth did I do that? I never engage in bullying. And then he sat behind me, and as I chatted away into empty conversations with my seatmates; I felt his eyes bore into the back of my head. I dared not look back at him, for the fear of hurting him again.

So much of that, when next thing I knew I was aiming at him with a spoonful of today's lunch serving of meatballs after I saw him entering the food court hand in hand with Beaky. The way he smiled when she sat next to him, the way he looked at her irked me. but nothing accounts for the surge of unexplainable pain I felt when tears welled up in his eyes, glossing over the clear skies imprisoned in his orbs as his lips wobbled, giving me the same look of disbelief.

I tugged at my hair in frustration. Never in my life have I been so affected by someone, by-by a boy. But the moment his petite and slim fingers slipped in mine, something changed. The way his voice put me through a trance... but there lies the issue. He was a guy. And to add on to that, an outcast nerd with a hunchback and I couldn't fathom that I was captivated by him at first glance.

He's only an outcast because of you,

I thought that if I hated on him, I'd in return hate him. Or at least; if I hurt him, if I damaged him, then he'd hate me for it. Which would've made it easier for me to get over whatever I felt. But I was dead wrong. For his tears were an imaginary whip lashing at me every time they fell from his precious eyes. Hurting him automatically meant hurting myself.

I felt ashamed. How was I going to face Emily knowing I purposefully hurt her son on his first day, knowing what he went through? Or at least having a faint idea on what he suffered. I was surprised she hasn't come marching up onto our door, demanding I fixed this, or an apology, as I waited all day for an angry mother to seek revenge for her child. But it's already well past midnight and here I was, wide awake, unable to sleep as guilt ate away at my conscience. It made me wonder if he told her at all. But why would he not?

I had hoped he would, so that I could apologize without having to face him. Because going to his house to apologize to the both of them meant seeing him, which in return would make me feel all of that, and I couldn't. So I cowardly hid away.

We both know that's not the only reason you didn't go,

I tossed and turned in my bed trying to get to sleep but every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was his crying form, looking at me through pure bleary eyes, asking me one simple question; why?. It made my insides curl with hate towards myself and I rather he screamed and yelled, hit and hurt me than looking at me in that manner.

I was on my back once again, sighing as I opened my eyes to face the ceiling, this won't do. I got up, deciding on a cold shower. It was a daze as I got rid of my clothes and got under the stream. My eyes burned from the shower and it made me wonder if it was the same when his eyes burned from the spices. I clenched my jaw; this shower was supposed to steer my mind away but for the first time, I couldn't change my line of thoughts.

The pitter-patter rhythm of the water didn't comfort me nor distract me, nothing did. I let out a sigh. This was useless. I washed my hair hastily, then my body afterwards before turning the water down. I got out, drying myself before getting into a new pair of underwear, putting on the same tank top and sweats as before. I ruffled droplets of water out of my hair, as I walked back to my bed. Knowing I wasn't going to get any sleep; I didn't bother with tucking in. I blinked away and allowed my thoughts to flow.

Then I saw it, the shadow of a silhouette cast on the floor from my opened blinds. I perked right up at the distant sound of what seemed to be tapping but was actually flapping of wings. A smile made its way on my lips as I knew exactly what was outside my window.

I got up, unexplained excitement flowing through me as I neared the window, and just as I predicted; he was there; floating. I was glad he came, he was gone for a couple of days and I found myself missing those... Moments we shared. His eyes caught mine as soon as I was a few inches distance from the window, and under the faint light of the moon.

He leaped backwards as if he didn't expect me to be awake, or that since I am, he'd rather not be here. I rushed to open the window, hastily fussing with the lock until I got it right, "wait!" I whisper-yelled frantically as I got half my body out in the cold wind. He looked back, seeming to be weighing his options. I willed myself to be calm, rearranging my breathing to a normal pace, and slowly pushing back so that I stood fully in my room rather than half-hanging out.

I held his gaze as I slowly extended my hand out, in a silent invitation for him to be closer. His wings kept him afloat as I waited for him to accept my offer, breath stuck in my throat at how beautiful he looked, with the moon shining down on him and the breeze missing up his unruly blond locks. He had a mask on so I only could admire his eyes, which the more I looked into them, the more I was fine with just that. I was beginning to lose hope when my arm started to ache a bit, but then his hand slipped into mine, eye locked as I backed into the room pulling him softly along with me.

I didn't let go of his hand even after he was leveled and standing, instead, I found myself gaining my lost breath back as I brought his body closer to mine, my other hand sneaking to gather at his slim waist. Heartbeat racing and heat firing up my spine as we stood in each other's space, so close yet I somehow yearned for him to be closer.

I closed my eyes as I brought my face closer to his, our foreheads touching, and our breaths mingling. It assured me when every exhale of his fanned at my face. It made him all the more real. I was touching him, he was here in my arms yet I feared that it was my imagination. Seeing him was one thing, but being able to hear the faint bumping of his heartbeat, feel it against my chest because that's how close I had him to me; gave me peace because I was certain he was actually there.

I could feel his anxiety in the way his hand trembled in mine, I pressed him closer to me, a grunt escaping my lips when he threaded his hand in my hair. I opened my eyes to meet his wide blown, strangely familiar, blue orbs, he might have not expected me to react to him as such, and honestly, I was kind of surprised too, since I disliked my hair being played with. But his touch was so gentle I couldn't reject it. I hated that he had covered half of his face, but perhaps he didn't feel safe enough.

I couldn't resist, so I laid a kiss under his eye, it being the only small space that wasn't covered, it was chaste and light. Just his skin against my lips. I slowly lightened my hold on him, putting a few inches between us whilst keeping our eye contact. I caught a glimpse of heat reddening the tips of his ears and a tiny smile slipped out at how adorable he looked, I gave him a more reassuring smile, as I backed away towards the door.

I turned around to lock the door, remembering that I had forgotten to do so earlier and hoping it would convince him that he was safe with me, build his trust in me, to show me all of him. I wanted to spend more time with him, maybe have him play with my hair. Talk to him if he was willing... I couldn't explain it, but I needed to have him close to me, as close as I could get him. There was this urge in me to touch him. He was mesmerizing, in the way he held himself to the way he simply was. His existence was fascinating in its plain nature. But when I looked back at him;

He was gone.