HIDDEN (hide or die)

Chapter Fourteen

ANDREW'S P.O.V.

It might come across as creepy when I tell you, that the first time you saw me wasn't the first time I saw you. But trust when I say that not once did I have bad intentions. You were just.... Too captivating.

I've known you for many years, you caught my attention with your deep sage eyes. Yet, it was the way you held yourself in utter confidence that pulled me in.

I had a plan, it was supposed to be a smooth sail where I can tell you who I am without scaring you away... When you invited me into your room, I almost believed the wild waves could be tamed.

But then what happened the next day... I pray I won't walk away with tears blearing my sight the next time we shall meet.

I love you.

I regret telling you this way for I wished for you to hear me say it. But the pain you put me through was enough to drive away my original intention.

His words echoed off in my head over and over like a record on repeat, I didn't sleep, didn't get a wink of it. Not when I had to take his letter apart, decipher every word, to understand what he meant. Going through the archives of my memory, sifting through to find a time when I had made him cry.

Did I really? Because I couldn't remember. Hell, the thought of hurting my angel had my stomach clenching in a knot of unbearable ache. That thought stuck, and it kept on repeating in my head. I had hurt him. And I didn't even know it...

But perhaps he meant something else? It was unlikely, his words were chosen to send a direct message... but perhaps- perhaps it was a figure of speech I didn't know existed? It had it be. For our encounters were always chaste and quiet. I couldn't possibly hurt him enough to bring out crystal-like tears out of his beautiful sky blue eyes.

Sky blue eyes... teary... why was I thinking of him now? He has nothing to do with this dammit. As if my head wasn't crammed with enough as it is, guilt had to weigh down on me now out of all times.

I love you his words sent tingles all over my body. And as I closed my eyes, I saw him. Standing over me, gazing at me with his innocently wide eyes. I could see his lips forming those three syllables behind his mask. In a voice smoother than butter and sweeter than honey; filled to the brim with a genuineness that left me racking in the aftermath of an intense shiver.

He said he was in love with me. With me. Plain boring Andrew who couldn't stand up for himself when his thoughts differed from others'. Me. I couldn't comprehend why such a mystical creature as breathtaking as him would go for someone as simple as me...

I did consider it being a joke, but the open window in my bedroom and the white envelope that had my name scribbled so elegantly across the front; was enough indicator to let me know exactly who it was from. It was soft and graceful just like him.

It couldn't have been anyone I know, considering that no one in my school had that nice of a handwriting otherwise my English Literary teacher would be ecstatic instead of uptight all of the time. I think she wishes feather pens and quill ink to come back instead of flat screens and e-pencils that work on glass.

I was surprised when I wasn't repulsed by his confession. Strangely enough; I felt relieved, relieved that he loved me. My heart fluttered every time my eyes skimmed over his words. It's like the rock that kept weighing me down was gone and now I could float up to cloud nine. And I wasn't exactly sure why...

Excitement soared through me as I basked in the fictional scene of him telling me this to my face, the words whispered so softly. His eyes holding a warmth enough to get rid of the chills from my ever-cold body, as he confessed to me.

I don't know what his voice sounds like, but it's something I found myself yearning for. A need so deep it caught me off guard, it resonated from a place I didn't know existed within me. It had me wondering, was it really just a small infuriation I felt for my blonde boy?

-

The smell of something burning brought me out of my haze, I furrowed my brows in confusion, searching for my phone in the heap of unused blankets looking for the time.

I jumped out of my bed when I saw just how late I was going to be if I didn't move within this second, I never went to bed yesterday, which meant I didn't set up an alarm...

did I really spend up to six hours lost in thought about some boy? Except he wasn't just any boy.

Just then I heard honking, I looked out of the window just barely catching matt's car. s**t. I rushed to brush my teeth, splashing water onto my face in the process, getting my shoes on and my bag on my back in record speed. I didn't have time to dwell on how awful I looked or the fact I was in a plain tee and sweats- which wasn't a weird sight, just unusual.

I stalked down the stairs, the smell of something burnt getting more prominent, which had me slowing my steps as I headed to the kitchen. My mother's back was to me as she hovered over something on the oven, stirring a bowl of what I assumed to be eggs. Uh oh.

I hastily and silently plucked an apple from where they were placed in the breakfast nook, tiptoeing to the front door and only breathing when I was out. I sprinted to matt's car, slamming the door shut, "Go, go, go!" he laughed, getting off the crib and into the main road as I slumped against the seat.

Wait, why was my mum cooking? Where's my dad? Probably- "You look like s**t," I rolled my eyes at him and didn't bother to reply to him, taking a bite of my apple instead. Apples are supposed to pump up you apatite- s**t.

"Apple for breakfast? Your mum was cooking, I'm assuming?" he glanced from the road to me, then back to the road again.

"Yeah, I love her with everything I have but, cooking is just not her virtue."

"Tell me about it, she's nice and all but I would never put myself through the t*****e of stomaching her cooking. Never again. I refuse to eat anything that comes out of your house... just- no."

"Hey! My dad's food is actually good. And I'm decent in the kitchen, thank you very much."

"not a jab at you bro, but the last-first- time I ate something your mom made, I was admitted to the hospital for two days, because of food poisoning." he grimaced and I laughed; recalling the incident back in seventh grade, he was new in town and made the mistake of accepting my lunch box. Poor thing thought our classmates were being nice to him, when in reality it was the first prank of the many that followed.

No matter how funny it seems now, it was so embarrassing at the time. I felt so guilty for indirectly sending him to the hospital that I religiously visited him every day after school at the hospital, and then at his house until he got better. So in some twisted way, my mother's horrible food brought us together and we've been the best of friends since then.

"You have to admit though, matt, it was a good decision to accept my mom's spaghetti" I smirked when his eyes bulged and moved from the rad to me and back ahead.

"Why the hell would you say it was a good decision? I almost died!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah but you didn't, and how else would you have met this unique sugar bug?" I lifted a brow, pointing at myself with the ever-so-sarcastic smirk plastered on my face.

He laughed, "Awe, well ain't I the luckiest to have you for a cute sugar bug? That's why I love you." He lifted one hand off the steering wheel and blew me a kiss which sent us into another spiral of hysterical laughter.

Then his words registered in my head, and my laugh ceased. I looked out onto the road getting lost in thoughts once again. I'm not sure if Mathew noticed the abrupt change in atmosphere but I couldn't really focus on the thought when other thoughts were cramming and pressing against my skull.

By the time we arrived at the school, and Mathew had parked the car, a headache was knocking against my head. The silence did nothing to soothe it when the loudness was produced by my own thoughts.

"Hey, you were fine a minute ago, what's the matter?" matt asked just as I was about to open the door, instead of replaying, I got out of the car, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

I looked up and internally flinched when I locked eyes with Emily, what I suspected to be a vicious and disgusted look, was an excited smile instead. She waved at me from a distance, and I felt a heavyweight form at the bottom of my chest.

My eyes shifted to her son, who stood silent staring at his shoes as though they were an interesting sight. I could see the way he bundled his body to himself as if he was trying to make himself shrink even smaller.

A pang of guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. He was already so shy... and I had to go around and turn him into a target for my own selfish reasons. Because I was a sad excuse of a man who couldn't face his own truth. My head tilted when I realized something,

He didn't tell her.... Why?

"Dude, are you okay?" Mathew came to stand beside me, he trialed his eyes over to where I was looking at, then back at me. I knew he was drawing conclusions. Probably absurd, ludicrous assumptions. But I was too focused trying to know why he didn't out me.

"Everything's fine." I mumbled distractedly, not really paying him that much attention.

"Did something happen with that lady? Wait, did you get s**t from that loser's mother? Should we teach him a lesson for-"

"No! He didn't do anything! Leave it dammit!" I snapped in his face, ignoring the shock that was very present on his face.

Nothing. He did absolutely nothing. Yet he's getting all the crap for it.

"What the f**k are you so defensive about?! I was only asking!" he snapped back, as expected from him. He'd never back down for anyone. His ego bigger than he could even handle.

I considered apologizing, I truly didn't mean to be harsh. But I was sick and tired and pissed at him, at me and at the guilt that kept weighing me down.

"Whatever," I mumbled under my breath and took off into the school's building. Ignoring the rest of the guys that called out for me from the parking lot.

My actions were sluggish and stiff as I retrieved my books from my locker and headed to my first class. I had pulled the hood up to cover my face and that allowed me to maneuver through the halls unnoticed.

Only when I sat down at my desk, did I realize my mistake. s**t. I shouldn't have stormed off away from matt like that. If he wasn't suspicious before, he definitely is now. He will ask me the closest chance he's got, and I won't be able to hide how I feel. I hated that he knew how to read me so well.

It was a good thing to have that level of understanding when I was feeling a certain way and didn't want to talk about it. But he'd understand and do his best to lift me up. But not so good when I wanted to keep things for myself for his own good.

The only plan I can come up with is to avoid him. We've played this game of cat and mouse before, and like every time, he'll catch up to me eventually. But instead of coming to the rescue, this could be the end to it all.

I was glad I didn't share my first class with Matthew, it would have made everything more complicated. So I kept low for the rest of my morning classes, navigating through the hallways as quietly as I could.

Unluckily, I had third period with Mathew... I had made the smart choice of taking all my books at once so I didn't have to stop at my locker and instead fled to the classroom. I was unusually early and I tried to ignore the confused stare from Mr Hemmings and the students who bothered to look up.

I always sat down next to Mathew if I had a choice in the matter, but today I couldn't. So I was grateful when the bell rang as I slid in beside Bethany, we shared a couple of classes- I think. She did look at me weird but that didn't matter. And for once I was grateful for Mathew's habit of being late to class- or skipping altogether.

I didn't dare to look up when he did come, I tried to make myself appear busy taking notes but I could feel his glare from the back of the class throughout the whole class. I knew he's going to approach me as soon as we're done.

And that exactly what happened.

"Drew!"

I sprinted out of class, bumping into a few students but I didn't stop to apologize as I usually would.

"Andrew!!"

I spared on a quick glance to see how far behind he was, but then a heaviness hit me, and I was tumbling to the ground. Just what I needed. I looked down to see Albert groaning with his book on the ground.

"s**t, I'm sorry-"

"Albert!!!"

The words got stuck in my throat as Kyle came rushing to us. He went down on his knees to help Albert. He didn't even glance at me. A whirlwind of emotions brewed inside of me out of nowhere and I found myself pissed.

I picked myself up from the floor, my body shaking and my eyes darkening as my blood hummed with anger, jealousy and betrayal. I didn't think when I moved my hands to grab Albert's shoulders, pushing against him harshly, sending him back to the ground he just got up from.

"What is your problem?!"

My jaw clenched in frustration as I turned to Kyle, but the frustration dissolved at the sheer disappointment in his bright, familiar, blue eyes. Shame plunged itself in me accompanied by guilt all too quickly, and I was feeling the same as when I first looked into his teared eyes.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I couldn't understand why I behaved in this emotionally wrecked and uncontrolled way every time he was around. This wasn't me. I'm not a bully, I'm not violent or rude. I don't get jealous over boys.

I pushed against him, running towards the main doors. Ignoring matt, who had just caught up, as he called out for me. I needed to clear my head. Understand why I'm so upset over a friendship between two individuals who should mean nothing to me.

Figure out why Kyle has such an impact when I only talked to him once, why his eyes haunt me every time I closed my eyes. Why thoughts of him are always so intertwined with the thoughts of my angel.

I need to know why he brings out the worst in me.

I kept running, thoughts scattered and this need to run taking over my body. So I ran until I could no longer pull a breath in without it hurting. I looked around feeling a bit lost on where I am, until I recognized the tree that separated the local park from the woods. No one ever comes this deep in, so I'm good and alone.

I sat down against the bark, tucking my knees to my chest and pulling my head into my hands. I closed my eyes. Trying to untangle the mess of my thoughts but they were so intertwined. Every time I cleared a thread, a knot will tie it to another thought and I'm left at square one with one giant ball of complicacy.

I was doomed. Completely and utterly doomed. I was attracted to my angel, but couldn't help the pleasant feeling the will swirl around my heart at the presence of Kyle and the unexplainable effect he has over me.

But that the issue. I'm attracted to two guys. Matt would definitely turn on me if he knew. I'd be homeless and disowned the second my mother finds out... she did it to aunt Jen, and so she'd do the same to me. I don't know how dad would react but I ought to think that he will support his wife before his son.

My brother isn't an option. Even if he didn't completely bash me, he'd most likely be forced to side with my parents. Still being on their payroll and living the dorm life, he wouldn't be of so much help.

My girlfriend. s**t. The girl I chased after for a full summer, begging for a relationship, was of no longer importance, let alone on the forefront of my thoughts.

This is a small town. Once I'm out, everyone will be on me and I'd rather- my breath quickened in panic, I haven't gotten a clue what to do or how to react to the fact that I'm even thinking of coming out.

"Andrew? Are you alright?"

The panic was pulled right out of my chest at his melodious voice, I looked up, a strangled, strained breath leaving me as green clashed against blue.

"I'm- I'm sorry! I didn't mean to- to frighten you!" his eyes sparkled in concern, the tips of his high cheekbones rosy. My heart clenched, and realization dawned on me right then and there, I was already too deep in,

For this boy, I was a goner.