Being Okay

One.

    “Mom?” her voice came out weak and pitiful to even her ears. Janell was hunched over in her light blue pajama bottoms and t-shirt slowly creeping down the quiet hallway leading to the living room. The screaming had stopped but she feared the quiet even more than the yelling.

    The air in her lungs seemed trapped inside her chest as she turned around the corner to see the aftermath of the fight between her parents. Glistening shards of glass were scattered on the hardwood floor as well as furniture turned over in disarray. Even the pictures that hung on the wall, or rather the pictures left hanging on the way, was crooked and cracked. Her mother sat on the ground in the center of the chaos of the living room. Her pleated grey dress strained red near her stretched-out collar and her hair was half pulled down with strands sticking upward in all directions. Her head drooped low in her hands but her shoulders shook with a quiet sob. It would have been a rather shocking sight if it were the first time she had seen this exact thing.

    “Mom?” Her voice shook but it was thick with concern.

    Her head shot up and her red, swollen eyes narrowed on her trembling frame. She wiped at the edge of her mouth just as a trickle of crimson liquid ooze down her chin. Despite the state of her, she managed to hold on to some weird pride or dignity when addressing her daughter with her stare. It caused the girl to shiver and look away. The setting sun caught the pieces of broken glass and she busied herself by picking them up piece by piece.

    “Don’t worry about that Janell. Stop cleaning up,” her mother demanded. Her eyes moved from the pile she started in her hand to her mother once more. She was standing now and she could see the broken skin of her knee in its full glory as it dripped blood on the dark wood.

    “Are… Are you okay, mom?”

    She scoffed as she pulled out a small carton from the rectangular purse slung over the couch arm. In a matter of seconds, she had a cigarette pressed between her lips. She took a few moments to inhale and exhale from the cigarette. The awkward pause gave Janell enough time to go to the trash can and discard the glass from her hand. Her palm remained wound-free but small silvers still lingered. Her attention moved back to her mother just as she started to speak again.

    “You to pack a few things, Janell. I need to leave for a while to clear my head. I will have the maid to grab anything else you may need while I am away. You need to stay in town and go to school.”

    She nodded and started to move back to her room. She hesitated before speaking up. “Where am I going?”

    “Mrs. Sutton’s house.”

    Her blood went cold at the revelation. Colleen Sutton was the embodiment of perfection. She was a stay at home mother who volunteered with charities as well as spearheaded the PTA. Her two children were popular in their activities and were known for showing off their wealth. Mr. Sutton was a lawyer for some huge corporation and spent many of his days in New York. The picture-perfect family lived a few blocks away in a huge home with a sprawling backyard and excellent landscaping. On the flip-side, Janell’s father was also a lawyer, just not as successful. He was also a violent alcoholic. Her mother was a secretary for a publishing company. Between the two of them, they had enough money to get by.

    Her mom often pushed her to connect with Liam Sutton, Mrs. Sutton’s oldest son, who was in her senior class. He was well-liked in school, Janell assumed it was because of his money. His personality seemed bland. He was quiet and cold to his peers despite their affection and attachment to him. He was top of his class and well on his way to being valedictorian. Dad would make a lot more money at Liam’s father’s law firm. Her mother loved money and that was the only reason she put up with the abuse from her husband. Janell often suspected she loved money more than she ever loved her daughter.

    “Mrs. Sutton?” Janell’s voice came out a little louder than a whisper but her mother heard.

    She sighed heavily, clearly annoyed at having to explain the situation. “Yes, Mrs. Sutton. And you will be on your best behavior while you stay with them. She thinks we remodeling the kitchen and your bedroom- like we have the money for that.” Her laugh was dry and without humor. She took another drag of her cigarette as her eyes stabbed through her like daggers. “If I hear anything about your behavior from the Suttons, I will ship you to Montana to live on Uncle Raymond’s ranch until you graduate.”

    The threat of living in Montana wouldn’t be such a big deal if it wasn’t Janell’s senior year. The ranch was a nice, quiet place for sure. Her cousins often bugged her about living near such a large city and often wanted to the detail of the luxury she had with “all her parents’ money”. What a joke. In the end, her life was in North Hills and that is where she needed to be. She nodded to show she understood the seriousness of the situation and moved to the bedroom near the back of the house. Compared to the other houses in her neighborhood, the manor was much more of a normal home than a sprawling mansion. She didn’t mind it, it seemed plenty big to her.

    She slipped into her room and sighed with some relief. She was nervous about living away from home for gods know how long but still, having a break from her parents’ never-ending screaming matches would be the only light at the end of this tunnel. She would need to change out of her pajamas and pack the essentials. Knowing her mom, she would be leaving before the sun rose again. She needed to move fast. She pulled out her bland, black luggage from its spot in her closet. She folded a few outfits as neatly as she could while simultaneously rushing around like a fire was under her feet. So not really neat at all. Soon, the suitcase was overflowing with toiletries and clothing. She practically had to sit on the thing to zip it close. Just as the bag zipped close, the door opened without a knock.

    “Come on now, they know to be expecting us.” Her mother filled the doorway looking not worse for wear. Her hair was combed back in place in a tight bun at the nape of her neck and she wore a tight, high-waisted skirt and button-down tucked in. Business as usual. The only thing out of place was the jagged red line of broken skin on her lip. The rest was covered away from the prying eyes of the world.

    "I'm still in my pajamas-" she gestured to her attire but was cut off by a wave of her mother's hand. She pressed a hand her forehead and rubbed.

    "It is fine, you will be going to bed soon anyway. I don't want to miss my flight to Montana. Come on."

    She was going to Montana to show off her wealth to her brother and have him wait on her hand and foot. She was as predictable as a house tour. Janell wanted to roll her eyes but knew better than that. Instead, she pulled her hefty bag off her bed with a groan and follow her mother out. In the car, the tension could almost be cut by a butter knife. There was no music in the quiet cab just the tapping of her mother's impatient fingers. Janell, herself, made it a point to stare out the window and make no sound. Her thick hair was pulled away from her face in a ponytail but a few chestnut-colored strands escaped and hung around her face. Her father gave her the hair color from his side of the family, though his hair was turning greyer and greyer with each passing day. He also preferred longer hair to short- which was why her mother and her own hair hung to their shoulder blades. 

    "Make sure you make a list of things you need from the house and send it to Mrs. Lennick. She will deliver it after she cleans up the mess your father made. I am not sure when he will be back home... So just keep in contact with me." Her voice interrupted her daughter's thoughts but she replied swiftly.

    "I will. When will you come back?"

    She paused as she turned down the street the Suttons' mansion resided. "I am not sure." That was all she said.

    The mansion was just as ostentatious as it was in the daylight. The path leading up to the door was lit brightly and the stone glistened in the white light. The doorway was a deep red color which was a stark difference to the cheery white of the rest of the home. Janell felt a lump in her throat as panic set in. Her mother's high heels clicked on the stone path as they made their way up. She hadn't thought about how Liam would look at her staying in his home. He seemed so quiet and distant in school that she hoped that he would simply ignore her while she stayed over. Before she could fret any further, a sharp ring from the doorbell caused her to jump. Moments later, the door opened and the grinning face of Mrs. Sutton and an older man came into view. For a brief second, Janell's eyes darted behind the group to see if anyone else was greeting them. By anyone, she meant any tall, dark, and brooding men named Liam. She was lucky, it was just the two of them.

    "Thank you for this Colleen. It means so much to me. I wasn't sure how hazardous this remodel would be but I am grateful you are willing to take her in while I am visiting my sick brother."

    Sick brother? She had to force her eyes to stay on the beautiful and somewhat artificial face of Mrs. Sutton. Uncle Raymond is too stubborn to be sick or be taken care of by his "caring" sister. Her mother is a master class liar at this point. The forced smile on her face started to twitch and her palms went sweaty.

    "Of course, Sharon. It isn't a burden. Hank, please take Ms. Nelson's bag to the guest room for me."

    The older man instantly moved forward and before she knew it, the bag she was clutching in her sweaty palms was being pulled away by gentle yet firm hands. Janell released it and was about to protest but the words were lost by her mother's prim voice.

    "I will have to make it up to you, Sharon. Just name the date. I have a flight to catch," she paused and her eyes locked onto her daughter's. "Behave yourself for Sharon," she said, "I love you."

    It was hard to hear that. For a guilty second, Janell found herself wondering if her mom really meant it or was she simply putting on a show for Colleen. It burned- the idea her mother couldn't even be honest about their relationship. But there was a hint of emotion swirling in her cerulean-colored eyes. It mirrored her own eyes in color and emotion. How had life ended up here? Her mother handing her off to a perfect stranger to run away from her abusive husband. She wanted to breakdown that very second but the idea of doing that in front of Mrs. Sutton was enough to stuff that feeling down to the pit of her stomach. She didn't trust her voice so she nodded.

    They parted at that moment. Her mother's heels were the last thing she heard before the solid oak door closed behind her. The inside was high ceilings and sparkling clean floors. The overwhelming feeling of insignificance consumed her.

    "Did you already eat dinner, Janell?"

    "Yes ma'am," she lied promptly and easily. Perhaps her mother and she did have some things in common.

    "You don't have to call me ma'am, dear. Colleen is fine, but if you must be polite, Mrs. Sutton works as well. Since you will be staying with us for a while, please make yourself at home. Your room is on the second floor. It is the only door on the left. It has a bathroom attached but if you need anything, Hank handles most things around here.  I am sure you know Liam from school. Maribeth is our eleven-year-old. She is sleeping, so you will meet her in the morning. Michael is out for a business trip and won't be back until next weekend. We can discuss more over breakfast tomorrow. Go ahead and get some sleep darling."

    She nodded, already feeling the wave of exhaustion overcome her. "Thank you, Mrs. Sutton."

    The awkward goodbye caused her skin to itch. She dragged herself up the stairs and tried not to ogle at the expensive decor. Was it the left or the right? It was the left and yet her eyes move to the right to peer down the hallway. Her gaze fell on a tall, lean man with dark hair and even darker eyes. The light was dim upstairs but she could make out Liam's face easily. He was in a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt but it was disarming to see him like that. His dark hair was still wet from the shower he must have taken moments ago. She gasped at the sight of him and no more air entered her frozen lungs. He sized her up with a long gaze before crossing his arms over his chest.

    "Good evening, Ms. Nelson." His tone was calm and cold. "Why are you so shocked to see me? This is my home after all."

    "Uh- no, sorry, I just wasn't expecting..." her voice was quiet as she trailed off.

    "Right. Well, your room is there to the left. Try to remember that, please. I am hoping you aren't going to try to sneak into my room at night."

    Was he serious?! His face didn't change to give off that he was joking. Her mouth fell open with shock and she caught a glint of something in his dark eyes.

    "That will not be a problem at all," her eyes narrowed as she moved to the second-floor landing. "You aren't my type." What was she saying? Her face flushed in anger and embarrassment.

    "Good, then we are on the same page. Have a good night's rest then." She turned on her heels and marched forward to her room. "Oh, Ms. Nelson?" she jerked her head back to him with a glare. "Those polar bears suit you."

    Polar bears? She looked down and on her light blue pants were small polar bears on the ice. Great. Wonderful. She rolled her eyes and finished the trek to her bedroom. She couldn't even admire the luxurious room. She moved directly to the bed and flopped down. The bed was very soft and the blanket was thick. She put her head to one of the pillows and unleashed the pent of stress in her body. The tears came fast and the sobs were muffled by her pillow. She would be better in the morning, she promised herself. Everything would be better in the morning.

Right?