The vampire and the wife

Chapter 1

I really had no clue what to do with myself after that night. I'd found myself feeling lost and empty, which was a brand new feeling to me as I'd never felt it before. Not even when I'd been left alone to defend myself when Liam left me. I got better at Eric and Jen's pack and Jen made me stay for a few weeks. I got the feeling it was because in the past she'd felt like she'd let me down and now she knew I needed her and she hadn't wanted to do it again to me. I knew Dorian had tried to come and visit a few times too, but I just couldn't face him. I couldn't bear to see the pitty on his face nor could I bear to think about the fact that he'd be able to go back to the house and see Xander, while I'd never be able to do that. I'd never be able to see Sarah again or even Marie.

After I managed to persuade Jen that I was better and in a better frame of mind, I went and moved into Izzy's house that she was trying to sell. I really hadn't wanted to, but I was out of options. I certainly wasn't going back to my parents house, not with my sister there.

Izzy and Jake came with Jen to check in on me. Jen had also arranged to get my stuff from Xander. When Jake and she dropped it off, it had been hard going through the boxes. There had been some things that hadn't been packed away. I hadn't taken it, as it had been out of anger towards me. I took it as someone hadn't been sure what I'd want so they'd given me what they'd thought I'd need, which I was grateful to them for doing.

On the nights that I knew no one was coming to check in on me, I spent it one of two ways. Either feeling numb and just watching TV but not really taking it in or I'd spent it drinking. I know I swore to myself I'd never hit that rock bottom again, but there was nothing I could do. I was hurting emotionally and mentally and it was the only thing I knew that I could turn to make the pain go away. When I slept, the pain didn't go away. My dreams were haunted by Xander and I found myself always waking up in a crying mess. I knew I had to move on from him, but how? How could I do this alone? I couldn't be of any more trouble to Izzy and Jake and Jen and Eric. I needed to stand on my own two feet and figure this mess out. Be kind to yourself. Your allowed to fall apart, hurt, and cry, but you can't let this define who you are, Rosa. I tried my best to remember Jen's words to me, but I'm not going to lie. It was hard. It was hard when everything I'd been so sure of fell apart and I was left with nothing. You did it once; you can do it again. "Give myself time." I whispered to myself as I wiped my tears away. Time was supposed to make everything easier, but it wasn't; it was making everything worse. Every day seemed to be another deeper cut in my chest, one that I had a feeling wouldn't heal.

I let out a sigh and pulled the blanket around me tighter. I'd not been able to sit in the living room today as I'd felt on edge with the TV on, so I'd gone and sat in the bay window on the landing, looking out of it with a glass of wine. I'll admit that, as well as falling apart, I certainly hadn't been looking after myself. I figured, since I had no one around, I didn't need to look after myself. What was the point? I took another sip of the glass of wine and put the glass next to me as I pulled the blanket tighter around me. The autumn weather seemed to fit my mood perfectly, as it was heavy rain outside and the wind blew any and all leaves from the tree that was slightly to the side of the house.

I let out another sigh as I saw two cars pull up in front of the house. One I recognised straight away as Izzy's car; the other looked familiar but I couldn't say why. I guess drinking alcohol does that to the brain, which was why I'd started to drink again. It didn't matter who she'd brought with her to see me. I wasn't moving from my spot until I was ready and I certainly wasn't ready just yet and while my glass was over half full, I had no reason to move.

I didn't bother looking at who got out of the cars as I watched the rain trickle down the window pane. As I was sitting and watching them, I wished that I could have been like those raindrops. Free with nothing to worry about, but I knew that wouldn't happen. I wasn't that lucky to feel like that. Time... There was that word again that my brain kept giving me. Time, time would heal everything, and time would make everything better. Would it bollocks. All it would do is allow me to bury the real feelings and mask them with fake feelings and fake actions of pretending to care.

The sound of the door shutting brought me out of my dark thoughts about times as I heard Izzy talking to someone, so I took a sip of the wine again.

"Rosa, you've got a guest to see you."

I had no clue why she did that when she brought someone with her. Surely by now she'd know that if I hadn't answered her when she'd came into the house, then it was one of my bad days, as Jen called it, which made me laugh, as most days were bad days for me and ones when I felt just a little bit ok were days when I was just at the point of exhaustion and I just did what I had to do when she turned up so that she'd go away faster. Masking your real feelings is what we're good at.

"I don't know where she is."

"She's sat upstairs in the window." A familiar voice announced loudly. I wasn't sure if it was for my benefit or if it was for Izzy's benefit. Either way, I didn't care and I wasn't moving, even if it was someone I knew.

"I'll leave you two to talk; maybe you'll be able to get through to her."

"Thanks Izzy."

"Don't mention it, Dorian." I heard the door shut after the final comment and I closed my eyes. Great, what was she doing to me, trying to make me commit suicide? I'd told Jen and Izzy more than once that I didn't want to see Dorian. I hadn't wanted to see him because I didn't want to remember. I didn't want to remember all those months of change I'd gone through to get to my happy place and I didn't want to remember those happy months either. I picked up the glass and drank the whole lot in one go as the tears began to fall all over again. This was the other reason I didn't want to see him. I didn't want him to see me like this; I didn't want him to hurt Xander as much as he probably deserved it; I still didn't wish that one for him.

"Rosa?" Dorian eventually called up to me, but I didn't answer in hopes that he'd give up on me and just leave. Who are you kidding? This is Dorian, your VBF; he won't be going anywhere until he knows your ok. He must have got fed up waiting for me to answer, as I heard his footsteps coming up the stairs and when he got to where I was, he stopped. I wanted to look over at him so badly, but I knew if I did, I would break even more than I was right now.

"I'm sorry, Rosa. I really am." He shifted and I felt him close to me on the windowsill. I couldn't answer him at all because I knew if I did, I would break all over again like I did the day Xander left me and I couldn't do that. Keep moving forward; don't look back.

"I...I should have been here sooner. I thought... I thought if I just gave you time, you'd call me or ask someone to see me. If your upset with me, I get it because I'm certainly upset with myself too, as I promised you I'd always be here, and yet when you needed me the most, I wasn't here."

I wiped away the tears quickly from his comment. It hadn't been his fault. None of it had been; he'd left because he hadn't agreed with Xander and rather than causing trouble, he'd left and he'd left to get some head space too. I didn't blame him in any way.

"I'm going to sit here until your ready to talk, Rosa. I don't care if it takes all night, although I'll probably have to tell Zack to come in or go back to the hotel." Dorian laughed a little and I couldn't help but smile a little at his comment. How was it? He always knew what I needed and when I needed it. Just like Xander always knew. It's probably because your so predictable, which is why he left you to begin with. I clenched my hand up under the blanket as the heavy tears started again. I pulled the cover up over me and wrapped it around me tightly so that I could be alone.

I heard shuffling from outside the cover and then I felt myself move and then arms wrapped around me holding me. Dorian had moved and lifted me onto his lap if I knew him so that I could cry on his and so that he could comfort me. I rested my head against his chest, still under the blanket. One hand was around me any more and then the blanket got pulled off from over my head as he put his arm around me again.

"It's ok to cry and be upset." Dorian whispered. "But you've had all this time to cry and go on a destructive path with yourself and now it's time to pick yourself up, princess. Come on, let's get you back on the right path again. If he wants to be a d**k and do whatever it is he has to do alone, that's his choice, but your not alone in this now. I'm here and so is Zack." He carefully wiped away my tears as he looked at me, not with pity but with determination in his eyes. "When was the last time you washed and slept properly?"

I shrugged, as I didn't want to talk to him. Dorian's hand moved from wiping my tears to his pocket as he got out his phone and answered it.

"Hey babe... Yeah, give me a few more, ok?" Dorian looked down at me. "Zack... I made him wait in the car." He looked at me as if he expected me to say something, but at first I didn't.

"Tell him to come in." I whispered and buried my head into Dorian's chest. My voice sounded dry and cracked. It was probably because I'd not really spoken in the span of the last two—nearly three weeks. There hadn't been much I'd wanted to say to anyone, even when people had tried to have a one-way conversation with me in hopes that I'd join in.

"Rosa said to come in. Just wait for me downstairs in the living room, ok?" Dorian let out a small laugh that I heard rumbling through his chest. I looked up to see him hang up; he then lent down and kissed my forehead lightly. "Let's at least go and get your hair washed; then it's a step in the right direction for getting you to move on from this, yeah?"

"I don't know." I whispered as I looked back down, hearing the door open again and close quickly. "It all just hurts." I told him.

"I know, sweetie. Now, let's go and get your hair washed and if you feel up to it, then get a shower afterwards. It might help you feel better." I nodded as I closed my eyes for a moment. Patience, kindness, and time. I didn't have any of those three things towards myself, but I knew Dorian would kick my backside until I picked myself up and worked this out. I pulled away, got up, and got down from the window. I kept the blanket wrapped around me as I turned and looked at Dorian, who had moved the glass out of the way.

"Been drinking?" He asked, looking at me in disappointment. "Enough moping around now. I'm here to kick your arse and get you back on track. Do you understand?" I nodded where I stood in the hallway. "And while we're talking about it, I'm calling in my favour that you owe me. I want you to let me and Zack stay here."

"Fine." I whispered. I really wasn't in the mood to fight with him because, to me, that wasn't a favour; a favour was asking me to help him bury a body, not something I was more than willing to do, such as let him stay with me.

"Now, shower." Dorian muttered as he got down himself and pretty much marched me and my blanket to the bathroom. He turned on the shower and let it heat up and I flipped my head over the edge of the bath as he began to wet my hair and then washed and rinsed it. I hadn't realised just how much I'd actually missed Dorian and it wasn't until now that I realised that. I'd been a fool not to want to see him sooner. No, you needed to mope around a little and cry and you knew when Dorian saw that in you, he wouldn't let you do that. You needed time to process what had happened and try and deal with it and now it's time to start to recover and move forward. Move forward; there were those words again. Just what did they mean for me? What did I have to move forward to now? I didn't know, but I certainly hoped that Dorian would be there to keep me up as I tried to move forward with myself.