The vampire and the wife

Chapter 11

I moved in the chair so I was more comfortable and began to tell Zack everything that had happened—how I'd gotten into the life with Liam and how I'd ended up in Lucian's service—even down to everything with Xander and Dorian right up to the breakup. It had been hard going over the events with him about Xander; like he'd said, it was still raw and fresh and needed time to heal, but talking about it had made it all feel a little lighter.

"Shit." Zack muttered as he frowned a little. "I get why your so protective of Dorian and why this is all hurting so much because to you, that's the only happy place you've ever been."

I couldn't answer, as I couldn't trust my voice in the slightest.

"I get why Dorian wants to make everything better too." Zack laughed. "I'm seeing a new side to him that I never thought was possible." I really couldn't help but laugh at Zack's comment, as it was true. Dorian always seemed to have a hard act about him, like he was the big bad vampire who would mess with anyone. After all, he used to regularly mess with Helena just because he could, but the truth of the matter was that for all he had that side, he also had a very sweet and caring side that just wanted to make things right for people who he cared about.

"So where do you stand right now?" Zack asked softly.

"I...I..." I let out a small sigh as I could feel the tears, as I hadn't told anyone how I'd been really feeling about it all. "I want to hate him for what he did... but I can't." I told Zack simply. "He could walk through that door right now and I'd... I'd apologise for everything and I'd want to make it all right again anyway I can, because it feels like a part of me is missing and it hurts and... I could go on dates with all the men in this city, but not one of them would fill the void of the hurt."

"I understand that." Zack sighed. "You see, in my old nest, there was this guy who was a vampire... and I could feel the pull of our bond to him and when I went and spoke to him about it and asked if he felt the same way, he turned on me and told me he wasn't a gay boy and he ripped my soul out that night. He rejected me and told me if I told anyone in the nest about it, he'd rip me apart." Zack frowned a little. "It almost killed me, Rosa. I had to go to his wedding to a female vampire because, in my old nest, everyone was forced to attend any vampire weddings. He also told our head vampire that they were mates and she lied for him too."

"So how did you and Dorian..." I was a little confused.

"I guess I was given a second chance to live. After the wedding, I told our head vampire that I was leaving and that I needed space. He didn't want me to go and I got the feeling it was because he was doubting what had gone on between the vampire and I and he was probably wanting me to speak up about him being a liar to marry her, but I didn't. So he gave me permission after a night and I left. I think the head vampire thinks I'm going to return, but I have no intentions of returning to the nest. I'm happy with Dorian and I'm happy to be away from that nest. If Dorian asks me to join his, if the head vampire agrees, then I'll join; if he doesn't agree to it, then I'm sure we can come to some agreement where I can live in his area, but I won't do anything without his permission."

"Xander will give you permission to join the nest." I told Zack quietly. "Xander only wants what is best for Dorian and what makes him happy."

"Because he feels in debt to Dorian about you?"

"Mmhmm." I answered. "So don't hesitate to ask at all. Xander isn't the big, bad monster that some vampires make him out to be. Xander is actually really sweet, but he has to be tough to keep the nest in line." I went to get my cup and take a sip of coffee to find I'd drank it all already. "Coffee break." I laughed softly and got up to make myself another drink.

I stood in the kitchen after rinsing it and putting more coffee and sugar into the cup when Zack came in.

"Thank you for opening up to me, Rosa. I understand a lot more why Dorian has been the way he has about you."

"Thank you for listening." I told him simply. "I feel a little better knowing someone knows how I feel and isn't judging me on all of this. I know Dorian..."

"Dorian what?" Came the all-too-familiar voice of Dorian.

"Can get lost." Zack finished with a grin.

"What have I done?" He called in protest as he walked into the kitchen, looking between us both.

"Turned up at the wrong time." Zack grinned. "Rosa and I were having a serious talk and we don't need you around."

"That nice... I walk in the door after a long night with someone I promised I wouldn't kill to my best friend, to be kicked out of the house by my lover." Dorian looked at me. "Have you got anything to add to this?"

"I'm hungry."

Both Dorian and Zack began to laugh as Dorian came and hugged me. I really was a lucky woman to have two amazing people in my life. I knew I couldn't tell Dorian how I felt about Xander still because I knew Dorian would tell me that he didn't deserve me and that I should go and find someone new, but Zack clearly understood the heartbreak and understood that it's not easy to simply move on, but it was also nice that he wasn't judgemental of me either, calling me an i***t for wanting Xander back. Of course, if I'd had the choice, I'd certainly have made him answer all my questions unfiltered before I made my final call on whether it was going to work between us or not.

"I guess I'm going back out to get food then. Will an hour be enough for you two to finish your serious talk?"

"If your bringing Rosa pizza back, sure, an hour will be enough time." Zack grinned. "Now shoo!" Dorian let go of me, went and kissed Zack and then left. Zack listened and we heard the door shut loudly. "You were saying?" He laughed.

"I love you even more now." I laughed quietly as I shook my head. "Just thank you, Zack. Dorian would call me an i***t for wanting to be back with Xander in a heartbeat."

"Dorian..." He began and then stopped, as if trying to figure out his next comment. "Dorian is protective of you and I understand why. I mean, you've been through so much alone and he wants you to know that your not alone anymore in anything life has to throw at you, but Dorian is also... blunt, shall we say?" He laughed. "Things are very black and white to him and not shades of grey like to us."

"That's one way to describe him." I decided to settle on as I poured the hot water into the cup.

"Dorian is just... Dorian." Zack decided to settle for in the end. "And no matter what that arse says, end of the day, it's your life and he can only sway you, but if your mind is made up, then you shouldn't back down from whatever your thought is and if you believe firmly in your choice, then certainly don't back down."

"I'll try and remember that." I smiled at Zack and went and hugged him.

"You know, when you blurted out you were an assassin, I was terrified of you and I'm not going to lie, I still am a little, but your not as bad as I thought." I couldn't help but laugh again as I pulled away.

"In Dorian's words, I'll grow on you regardless of whether you want me to or not." I went and picked up my coffee. "Shall we go and see what rubbish is on TV while we wait for Dorian to come back?"

"Yeah, why not?" Zack grinned as if he were pleased with that idea. I had no clue what tomorrow was going to bring, but I just hoped I could keep up this moving forward in a positive way.

"Hey Rosa." Zack called from the living room as I came in with my second coffee. "Since you were an assassin and I'm guessing your looking for some direction in your life at the minute. Have you thought about joining the ranks of the hunters? I mean they could use your skills."

"No. I hadn't thought about it. Thanks for the suggestion."

"Just don't tell Dorian I suggested it." Zack grinned as he sat back in his seat and turned on the TV and I did the same mulling over the idea in my head. Maybe this was exactly the distraction I needed. I remembered being told about the hunters and being told about them helping people. Maybe this was my redemption for what I'd done in the past and maybe this would be what saved me.