Her Rejection's Revenge

CHAPTER NINETEEN: THE MISFIT

It was exactly five months, two weeks, one day, sixteen hours since the wedding of Braxton and Beatrice. But who was counting?

What I didn’t like was that the dark emotion of revenge gnawed me inside, but I ignored it for my own survival. If I paid attention to it, I would go crazy, knowing that there was nothing I could do about it. All I knew was that I could not forget or forgive my humiliation.

My nights were plagued with various revenge scenarios which always ended in me succeeding in separating Braxton from his beloved. Wouldn’t that be bittersweet? To tear them apart in order to defeat them? To make all their conspiracies worthless and provide the ultimate justice.

I would wake up covered with sweats, tasting the reprisal in my mouth since I wanted it so bad. All I had was the pathetic life of a survivor serving other losers like me in the hope that I might do something good in return. My only salvation was that I was helping others in some way or another.

I learnt my lesson – it hadn’t only been about being a Luna or in a position of power. Life had taught me the hardest lesson – that where there was a will, there would be a way. Even wolfless, I was still able to fulfill my vocation.

In short, I was realizing my dream by living the life of a rogue with my imperfect friends. I didn’t contact Zendaya or anyone from home again after we spoke that only time nor did I venture near my pack – it was too painful to know about the others. How they went on with their lives without giving a hoot about me.

The highlight of the pack was the arrival of Ajax Sheffield, the mismatched coyote who was trying hard to fit in a pack of abused and broken misfits. I had assumed it would be easy, but I hadn’t accounted for the fact that not everyone was as accommodating as some.

Let’s face it – a coyote among werewolves was not a very compatible scenario. There were a few nasty boys who mocked him, but both me and Miriam defended him like two fierce mothers protecting their cub. However, we were dejected to find him fighting with the Holland boys again one fine afternoon.

“Ajax, will you tell us what happened?” I queried, displaying an enormous amount of patience considering that I hadn’t slept for the past days. There were more and more abused wolves joining our pack which made me and Miriam both feel dejected. Things were not improving and there was nothing we could do.

“They attacked me!” he shouted angrily, his handsome face reddening with anger as he pointed towards a snickering Gregory Holland. The young twins were barely out of their milk teething which explained their lack of maturity.

Both Gregory and Digory Holland lost their parents during a rogue attack killing most of their pack members which landed them in Neverlands. They were of high pedigree, and I suspected that they’d been Alphas although we didn’t advertise our ranks in Neverland.

“What a scared little dog!” Digory added with a sarcastic snort.

“Digory!” I scolded instantly, miffed with the lack of sympathy that the twins were displaying in Ajax’s regards. “You’re being impolite!”

“Do coyotes have mates?” Gregory went on like I hadn’t spoken, and I cringed in embarrassment for the two d*ckheads. “Or do they take dogs as their spouses?”

“Gregory Christopher Holland, you should be ashamed of yourself for teasing our friend here,” I stomped between him and Ajax with my hands on my hips in an intimidating gesture. I was unceremoniously thrust out of the way as Ajax surged forward after putting me aside physically.

“I got this, Zelda. I don’t need you to fight my battles. Especially not with those two morons who have nothing better to do than to tease people. What’s your problem with me?” he sneered dangerously, showing his teeth. He didn’t have fangs like us so needless to say that both Gregory and Digory snarled in response.

I rolled my eyes at the chauvinist display of power in such a crass manner.

Miriam caught my eyes and we both shrugged at the same time, and I thew her a quizzical look as she accosted me. She no longer had the right to barge into my thoughts without my approval – so she was refraining from communicating to me via telepathy.

“What a bunch of losers,” she whispered to me with an easy smile.

I grimaced. “I guess I’m lucky no one knows that I’ve lost my wolf,” I murmured back for her ears only. “Otherwise, I would be subjected to even more aggressive teasing,”

Her emerald green eyes shone with indignation. “This is not fair. I thought that rank did not matter here as we were all equals. Those two are only bullying Ajax because they think they’re alphas – superior to everyone else. And the fact that I haven’t advertised my hierarchy does not help either.”

It was true. Miriam never bragged about being a royal for which I had deep respect for her. What I appreciated the most in Neverland was that there was no disparity between hierarchies. Everyone was considered as equals, except for some d*ckheads like the Holland twins.

“Don’t bother with them,” I mumbled between gritted teeth as I tried to stifle my rising antagonism against the two idiots. What peeved me more was that I felt bad for Ajax – I was attracted to him, but I didn’t have the intention to act upon it.

That state of mind told me what I feared the most. That I would never be ready for a relationship of any kind – my first reaction to the underlying attraction between me and Ajax was flight. Whenever his turquoise eyes would twinkle at me with that tinge of awareness, I would shrink back into my shell.

“It’s him who should not bother,” I nodded my rigid chin towards the red-faced Ajax who was still looking like he was going to take on the twins at any time. Although the Hollands’ wolves hadn’t awoken yet, there was no doubt against their superior physiognomies. “Ajax!” I scolded a little too loudly. “Let’s go!”

“Yah right. Run to your two little mamas,” they both smocked at the same time, and I snarled at them angrily before dragging Ajax away.

“How many times have I told you that you’re not supposed to interfere in my battles?” Ajax angrily snatched his arm away when we left the two boys behind. Even his ears looked puffy and red now and I understood he was really furious. I noticed that Miriam hadn’t followed us, and we were alone in the woods. A situation I’d tried my best to avoid ever since Ajax had joined the pack.

“They’re just silly creatures that you must ignore. They don’t matter,” I responded calmly, pretending not to understand the seething rage gripping him. I knew he was pissed with me for hiding my sentiments and running away from him, but so far, he’d done a marvelous job playing the game. I was clearly wrong.

“Then who does?” he asked stopping his strides alongside me as he stared at me with his beautiful eyes marred with accusation. I knew perfectly well what he was asking, yet some perverse part of me continued to play dumb.

“What do you mean?” I asked innocently.

He grabbed both my arms in a desperate attempt. “Don’t pretend you don’t understand, Zee! You are much smarter and much more responsive to emotions, but you just do a good job at hiding from them. Why?”

I tried to free my shoulders, but his grip was firm. “I don’t understand what you mean. I don’t hide. I am who I am.”

“No, you’re not! Nobody matters to you. You don’t get close to anyone. Yet, you come running to save everyone else at the slightest danger. You dedicate hours trying to cure the refugees coming to this camp. You spend all your time doing chores and helping around than anyone else. Yet, you stay away from everyone! Why?!!”

With an abrupt gesture, I freed myself from his grasp. I hugged myself against the onslaught of his words as they pierced my soul. My eyes shaded with pain and my hands moved over where he’d touched me. How do I tell him that any man’s touch burned through my soul like a disease coursing through me? How do I tell anyone that I didn’t welcome good feelings in my heart anymore?

“I like being alone,” I muttered against the heaviness against my jaw as I struggled with the deluge of tears threatening to catch up with me. I struggled to hold them back as I’d promised myself that I would never cry in front of someone else again. I had cried so much in the past, using my tears in a way to persuade Braxton for a better behavior. Was that what made him hate me?

“I am misfit here,” Ajax supplied in a much smoother tone, but he was merely stating a fact. I didn’t understand where he was getting at. “I don’t belong here – I never belonged anywhere,” he said matter-of-factly like it didn’t affect him. The rigidness of his shoulders implied otherwise.

“That’s not true,” I felt bound to contradict.

He snorted. “We both know it’s true. I am not a wolf; I am a coyote. I feel like an ugly duckling every time I join a pack, and here is no different. So, don’t give me…”

“My wolf’s dead,” I cut him off more sharply than I’d intended. “I don’t have any animal inside me anymore.”

That seemed to shut him up as he stared at me in utter disbelief for so long that I feared I must have said the only thing that I shouldn’t. I normally didn’t advertise my pain, but I was sure it was evident in my eyes and the way I recoil from human touch. But I’d never spoken about it to anyone, not even Miriam. That little minx had read my past life for which I was sometimes grateful and sometimes pissed.

That was the first time that I was speaking about the outcome of Braxton’s betrayal to anyone. And I feared Ajax’s reaction more than I should. It hung in the air between us, like a thick tangible coiled tension as I stood almost shuddering in my wait. Would he ridicule me or worse pacify me into believing that everything would be alright? I knew deep inside that I would never be whole again.

Nothing and no one could compensate the deep void inside my heart – the loss of my wolf was so visceral that a part of me had died along. I willed the words back but it was too late – I was already too far gone to retract.

Then, he just closed the distance between us in one large stride and engulfed me in his arms. My breath caught in my throat as I took a moment to understand what was going on. Without a word, his hand rested on my head and pressed gently until it was touching his chest.

My body wasn’t touching his – only my head rested in the crook above his torso. That was enough to provide me the comfort that I craved for. I closed my eyes in that moment of weakness allowing his warmth to soothe me.

Out of sheer indulgence, I allowed myself that minute of insanity as he whispered my name over and over again like a soothing balm expressing his regret and contrition over such an atrocious fact. I just stood there unabashedly enjoying the decadent pleasure his proximity was providing me.

I was grateful he didn’t bombard me with questions which I knew must be plaguing him. I was simply glad to be held like I was precious to me although I knew it was nothing of the sort. It didn’t even matter anymore if I was beloved or rejected – I was destroyed inside out and there was no curing me. Ever.

Hot tears escaped my eyelids, and I clutched my broken heart in despair as the grief seized me. It was exactly five months, two weeks, one day and eighteen hours now. With a lifetime to endure that anguish.

How was I supposed to live with a broken heart and soul for the rest of my life? How was I to accept that I was nothing more than a dejected incomplete creature without a wolf, without the hope that I might be cured someday?

Racked sobs escaped my shuddering body as the grief became too poignant and suddenly Ajax’s solace wasn’t enough for me. It was not nearly enough. Considering the weight and burden of my torment, nothing and no one would make me feel complete again. I cried out my heart out until there were no more tears left.