Trapped

EPISODE FIVE: TOXIC

                                 "Doubts kills more than dreams than failure ever will." - Suzy Kassem

The next day, I felt a little better as a person. I never had that feeling before. It feels nice. Nice to not fear for my life. And nice not to see his face neither. I sat up on my bunk bed just thinking about what I'll do today. Maybe put in more applications for jobs. Take a walk or do something outside. I can't be in the same room with these bitches too long. I heard screaming which made me turn my head. 

I looked over Sabria hugging one of her followers as she screamed in joy. I rolled my eyes and turned my head back around. "Girl shut up all that damn screaming hell." Our ruthless elderly neighbor yelled from afar. I snickered a little.

"You shut up! Old ass bit-" Sabria cut the girl off by covering her mouth and shushing her. "Don't pay her old ass no mind. SHE'S just mad because I got my place first." I shot my head up. How the f**k did she get her place first?

Even before I did what the f**k? I just shook my head. But that'll mean I won't have to deal with her s**t anymore. 

Fuck being upset. I'm happy. "How the f**k you get your place? You don't even have a job yet!" Autumn yelled as she sat up looking over at them. "Actually I do have a job. I was just looking for another one that day so mind your business." Sabria rolled her eyes and waved Autumn off 

"How can I mind my business when your screeching ass scream woke me out of my sleep." Autumn retorted before turning back on her side. I can tell she was upset too like the others. Cause how can SHE get her place? If anything I should've gotten mine honestly. I should've gotten ALL the help. Call me selfish or not. I didn't have s**t coming into this city. Still wearing the same outfit I came herewith. Sad.

Been here for a month if not close! But let me stay calm. Besides, it's a good thing I don't have to share bunk beds with her ever again. But something doesn't seem right with her getting her apartment fast. Some families been here for years and have yet to talk to a landlord. What some people would say... "Life isn't fair." 

Is it? 

That question repeats itself in my mind. It's a hard question to answer when you've been through so much in your life. Not even on purpose. s**t just happens in beyond of your control. Like me going with Jamie. You can't help nor control who you love. Even when my friends were telling me about him. "He's no good for you Mariah." He wasn't. But did I think that? No...

I was... I guess you could say all over the place. And that's when J found me. I'm grateful he helped me when I really needed it. But putting bruises all over my body when I didn't deserve it? Toxic. That's one of the main reasons why I left him! Him and his toxic s**t left in the gutter. What they're doing in this shelter is toxic. Helping someone who needs the least amount of help. So as I began to think. I should just leave. I was trying to wait until I heard back from one of the jobs I applied for come back. But f**k waiting. I'll take my chances with the club now. 

I sat up on my bed. Putting most of my belongings in my bag. I made up my bed nice and neat. I walked over beside Autumn's bed. I tapped her. "Hmm what? Shit." She yawned annoyedly as she stretched her arms out. I laughed a little and shook my head. "Here. I'm giving you something to remember me bye." I took out my shirt, handing it to her. "Bye? Where you going? And is it? s**t I don't care I'll take it and wash it." Autumn rambled as she took the shirt anyway. 

"It's just time for me to go ya' know..." I shrugged my shoulders. "Well where you gonna' go? I wanna' know so I can go too-" Autumn tried to get off of her bed but I stopped her. "Autumn you don't have to do that. You're fine here. Don't leave because I'm leaving. Let these people help you." I said sincerely with my hand on the bed. She looked down and nodded her head lowly. "Don't forget me about me Mariah..." She muttered. I scoffed. "Girl I could never forget about your outgoing ass. You were the only one who really stood up for me. I won't forget you. Not ever." She nodded her head again. 

"Promise me one thing." Autumn said. "What?" I asked. "You'll come back for me." I blinked my eyes after Autumn said that. I almost cried. Autumn literally has no one in her corner just like me. She been through worse and she's only 19 years old. "I promise I'll come back for you Autumn." 

I would take her with me to the club but Autumn needs more. She shouldn't look towards that being her only option to make a living. Besides you have to be built for that s**t. I feel like she'll be vulnerable. I know I'm sounding like somebody's mama but I look at Autumn as my little sister now. And if something were to happen to her while being at the club I can only blame myself for letting her come to the club anyway. So that's why I'm not. 

I hugged Autumn goodbye. After, I hugged her I left out of the room. Not looking back neither. I felt different after walking out of that shelter. I'm becoming someone else now. I'm not Mariah anymore. I'm Lotus now. 

I walked for what felt like miles. It wasn't sunny anymore. It was dark. I didn't ask anyone for help. It's not like they'll point me to the next strip club anyway. All for what I could do is just look at the flyer. I saw lights flaring and heard loud music blasting from a far. This could be a sign. I kept walking towards the lights. I had to push through bushes. I seen cars parked, people laughing, and lines built up. I made it. I was finally at Diamonds. 

Looking down at my outfit. I damn sure wasn't prepared for this scenery. Black baggy sweatpants with an oversized shirt, with half-ripped slides, and a messy bun. I just know I'm getting judged. I looked at the lines. There were two of them. The first line was longer, mixed with both genders, meanwhile the shorter one just has females. 

I decided to line behind the girls. I had stares but I didn't pay it any mind. Been dealing with that my whole life. Everybody stares. But it could be from my attire. Some of them were already dressed in their floss. Kind of pointless. But hey that's what they chose to do. The door finally opened for us. As we were walking inside the smell of s*x, weed, and alcohol mixed together filled in my nose already. Something I have to get use to now. 

I breathed in and out. Trying to calm the nervousness and the anxiety down. We walked inside what looked like the dressing room. Had more stares there. Most of the girls were black, you had a few mixed ones, and two white girls. Most of their bodies looked the same. Some were natural some weren't. "Mmm girl you sure you got the right place?" A dark skinned girl with dark blue hair asked as she looked me up and down. "Ain't it where yo' floss at?" A light skinned girl with red finger waves asked across the room. 

A few girls laughed once the other one asked that. "I'm sure I do have the right place. And I'll make something happen." I remarked, with my head tilt. Some of the girls looked at me with a stank face. I could give many f***s but I don't. These girls doesn't scare me. 

Once they heard heels clacking, all of them scattered, running up the stairs. The woman looked at the girls with an ugly stare as they ran. It's like she didn't have to say anything. Literally she has all of the power. Her focus was on us now. By the look of her face you could she had to be the boss and someone that's not to be played with. "By the looks of you girls I can only see two of you staying." The woman shook her head at us. 

"Ima' give y'all the run down of Amateur night. You get one song, and if the crowd likes your performance, and if I LIKE your performance you get to stay. Now, you..."  Her finger traveled over me, and towards the other girls.  

"You, you and you. Leave." She kicked out four girls already. "The rest of you strip." I blinked my eyes, of how serious she was being. I took my clothes off, standing in my bra and panties which were mix matched. The other girls had matching sets. She looked at me first, her eyes traveled down my body. 

Made me shiver a little just because of her power. "Turn around." I breathed in and swallowed the hard lump in my throat and turned around slowly. "Curvy body. Nice ass. Makeup can cover those scars. So far you can stay." I sighed out of relief and turned around. "But you will need some floss. And your hair done. Ikey will take care of you. Ikey." And with a snap, Ikey made himself present. Ikey was a brown skinned man, with an orange fade, open colorful silk shirt, and a thick pair of glasses. 

"Come on girl I'll get you beat for the night. Cause ain't no way in hell you're dressing in that set. Not on my watch." Ikey took me with him. "Okay here's my collections. The designer flosses price starts at $75. The plain flosses with diamonds Aka is what I call original is $25..." As Ikey rambled, I looked at the one he was stitching. It was a two piece, white and blue, top and bottom with rhinestones all over it. 

"How much for this one." I pointed at the one, that was laid on the table. "That one wasn't for sale yet -" I cut him off. "I'll take it. Top dollar." I say. I really wanted it. I wanted something different, not the same. "$150. And you can have it." He said. "I tell you what, $150 with an additional $100 as interest by the end of the night." I offered. 

"How I know you're not f*****g me over? Cause if you do I swear-" 

"I won't. I keep my word." I say with a blink. "Mhm." He looked at me with his bottom lip turned up. I took the floss off of the table, and walked over to the vanity, and sat down. Ikey followed me. "Hm I'm thinking an half up-do with a swoop, and bouncy curls." Ikey looked at me in the mirror. I nodded my head. "Now, what's your name going to be?" Ikey asked me. Looking in the mirror, I saw a reflection of me. "Lotus."