#18 - Feeling Things
1260 Words
Jade
"It's just a nap. I've got it," I tried again, but Asher simply kept walking.
Quiet.
Too quiet.
Why wasn't he mentioning it?
I knew he'd seen me and Leon in the garden.
When I saw him storm off, I'd run after him.
Afraid I'd find him gone—with Aria and Asher.
My chest had tightened when I stumbled back into the house and found him still there.
The way he'd looked at me, I'd wanted to explain, but my mind was still reeling from the difference I'd felt.
Between hugging him and Leon.
Comparing them hadn't been my intent, but when Leon's arm had snaked around my waist, I'd been aware.
Not because I felt anything for him romantically, but because it had instantly reminded me of how my hug with Asher had ended.
I hadn't wanted it to, but if I didn't stop, I didn't know what would have happened.
And if I stayed and watched him with Aiden and Aria, I knew I'd forget everything.
A perfect recipe for getting hurt again.
So I had exiled myself out of my own house.
It hadn't done a damn thing because I'd spent the entire time imagining every moment while I sat in the garden.
I knew it was beautiful, fun, and everything I wanted for my twins.
"Asher?"
My eyes widened at how easily he navigated my house, taking the right turns to Aiden and Aria's room.
It wasn't a mansion or anything, but I hadn't expected him to know his way around.
Or... maybe he would.
Realisation hit, and only having Aiden in my arms stopped me from slapping my forehead.
My gaze darted behind me, as if I'd catch whoever had been assigned to watch over the house.
I looked straight ahead when I found the hallway empty.
I knew they were there, though.
More security than Aria and Aiden needed.
More than we needed, because no matter what our situation was, I was included in that equation.
I didn't hate it entirely.
"You don't have to do this," I said when we stepped into the twins' nursery, Asher standing in the middle, looking around.
"Just tell me what to do. I've got it," he said, turning towards me and taking Aiden.
Watching him balance Aiden and Aria caught my insides off guard.
The completeness of it—
The way he fit into it like he had always belonged.
He was all muscle and yet so gentle still, it made me forget how to breathe.
I needed to keep it together.
I cleared my throat. "There's no need to change their clothes. Maybe just a quick check on the diapers."
"Okay," he said seriously, like it was the most important detail he'd ever heard.
It took everything not to melt.
"Aiden falls asleep easily. Aria needs some convincing most times," I said instead.
"Got it," Asher nodded.
Again, he treated this like some essential intel on some deal.
"Aria is over here," I pointed at the cot on the left. "And over here is Aiden."
"I kind of got that already," Asher finally smiled.
It punched my insides. I'd almost forgotten he did that.
"Their names are on there."
Oh.
Heat crept up my neck. How in God's name had that slipped my mind?
"Right." I turned away, looking for something, anything to stop myself from staring.
"Turner, come join us."
I whirled at Asher's invitation, my stomach fluttering at what he'd called me.
It fluttered even more at the sight.
He'd taken off his shoes and settled on the large padded play mat I'd placed in the nursery. It'd served as a napping area many times.
"We can put them in their cots once they fall asleep," he said, patting the space next to him.
I went and sat as far away from him as the mat allowed.
Asher noticed, but didn't say anything.
"So, do we have to do a story?" he asked, stretching and lying down on the mat.
I swallowed.
What the hell was he doing?
Trying to get me to remember things?
If he was, it was bloody working. I couldn't deny it even if I wanted to.
Thankfully, Aiden quickly climbed onto his chest and started bouncing, distracting me.
For all of a second.
Before Asher decided to help him with it, pushing himself up and down.
I definitely remembered things.
"I'm going to go—" I shot to my feet, pointing to the door. "I'll be right back."
I turned before Asher could notice the heat blossoming across my face and realise exactly what he was doing to me.
"Woah!" Grayson exclaimed as he steadied me after bumping into him. "I'm sorry. Are you okay?"
"It's my fault," I said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "I didn't see you."
Because I was a p*****t that couldn't stop picturing her babies' father doing—
I shut down the thought. "Is Elaine still here?"
"Why? Did Asher do something?" Grayson's eyes widened.
"No. Nothing," I shook my head.
I was the one seeing things.
Feeling things.
I needed Elaine.
"So, Elaine?"
"Yeah, she's still here. In the kitchen."
"Thanks," I waved before Grayson could say anymore.
I found my best friend about to stuff her face with a sandwich.
I grabbed it after slipping onto the chair next to her and bit into it.
Elaine laughed. "What's wrong with you?"
Her face turned serious when I didn't answer.
"Jade, did something happen?"
Yes. Something had happened.
Asher.
"Hey, talk to me."
I turned to her, placing the sandwich down. "How long did it take you before you started seeing Grayson as..." I bit my lips, dropping my voice to a whisper. "...seeing him as a man again?"
I didn't even bother sugar coating it.
"Oh." Elaine said softly.
My gaze snapped to my best friend. "Something's wrong with me, isn't it?"
"Of course not."
My eyes narrowed.
Elaine smiled, taking my hand. "Jade, nothing is wrong with you. He's the father of your children. He was your husband—"
"For less than a day," I scrunched my nose.
"You were in love with him way before you said 'I do'."
I gaped at her.
She smiled. "You don't just switch that off because you were hurt."
"Maybe I should," I said, standing up.
"Jade—"
"He's good for them," I turned to my best friend. "That has to be enough."
Elaine's eyes softened.
"I'll go and make sure they do actually have their nap, or tonight will be a disaster."
A disaster Asher wouldn't be around to help me with because he'd be gone.
"I'll be here," Elaine called after me.
She had no idea how much I appreciated it.
I took a deep breath, composing myself before opening the door to the nursery.
My heart melted instantly when I peeked through it.
So much for composing myself.
They'd all fallen asleep.
Aria and Aiden using their father as a pillow.
Asher had never looked more peaceful, and handsome.
I found myself walking in, taking off my shoes and lying down in my own spot, head resting on my arm as I watched them.
My eyes stung at the sweetness of it.
At the thought that it would end eventually.
That it would never truly be complete. Not the way I wanted it to be.
"Do you love him?"
What?
I blinked, looking up at Asher, our gazes locking.
He'd been awake?
"Hartley, do you love him?" he repeated, eyes searching mine.
- Writer
