MEETING HIM

Chapter fifteen: Torn Between Guilt and Desire

Natacha’s POV

Natacha stared at the glowing screen of her phone, her fingers hovering over the keyboard as the notification from Eric blinked in front of her. She had seen his message multiple times already, but every time she came close to responding, the words just wouldn't come. She felt a tightening in her chest, a mix of guilt and confusion that she couldn’t quite shake. What was she supposed to say? How could she explain this mess to him? How could she explain the deep, hollow feeling that had settled in her stomach every time she thought about him? Or, worse, the insistent pull she felt toward Alex—like an invisible string tethering her to him, no matter how much she tried to escape.

The message from Eric was simple, just a quick check-in: "Hey, Natacha. I haven't heard from you all day. Everything okay?"

Natacha knew she was hurting him by not replying. She could feel the quiet desperation in his words, the underlying concern in the way he always reached out, always tried to connect, to make things right. But right now, everything felt wrong. She couldn't tell him the truth—she couldn't say that, for weeks now, her mind and heart had been divided, torn in two between the man who was there for her, who cared about her, and the man who held some strange, magnetic power over her.

The pull of Alex was undeniable. Even though he had hurt her, manipulated her, and made her feel small at times, the draw of him was impossible to ignore. He had a way of getting under her skin, of making her forget the world around her and focus only on him. And when she closed her eyes, she could still feel the way his hands had touched her, the heat of his breath on her neck, the way he had made her feel like she was the only person in the room, the only one that mattered.

Her phone buzzed again, and this time, the name that flashed on the screen made her stomach churn. Alex.

Her heart skipped a beat, and she felt a sudden rush of heat. It wasn’t just her phone lighting up—it was him. The message was brief, direct, yet somehow all-consuming.

Alex: I’ve been thinking about you.

Her breath hitched as her pulse quickened. The simplicity of his words was enough to send a shiver down her spine. Thinking about you. The words echoed in her mind, over and over again.

What did that mean? Was it just another way to assert control over her? To remind her of the way he made her feel so small, yet so important at the same time? Or was it something else? Was it genuine? Did he care for her in the way he claimed to, or was he merely toying with her emotions, like he had done so many times before?

Her fingers hovered over the screen, torn between replying and ignoring it completely. She wanted to respond. She wanted to feel that spark again, that dangerous thrill that came with being near him. But she knew better. She couldn't let herself be pulled into his world again, not without facing the consequences of her choices.

But then another message from Alex appeared. It was simple, but it sent a flood of emotions rushing through her.

Alex: We need to talk. Meet me tomorrow.

Natacha’s heart pounded. She stared at the message, unable to look away. Part of her wanted to say no, to shut him out and focus on the life she was supposed to have, the life she had with Eric. But the other part of her, the part that couldn’t help but be drawn to Alex, wanted nothing more than to give in. To let him have her, body and soul, and to forget the consequences of it all.

But was that even a choice anymore? Could she ever truly walk away from him?

Her fingers shook as she typed a response, only to backspace everything she had written. No words seemed right. How could she convey everything she was feeling without making it worse? She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. This was what her life had become—an endless loop of guilt and desire, a constant tug-of-war between what was right and what felt so wrong, yet so enticing.

“Dinner’s ready!” her mother’s voice broke through the haze of her thoughts, dragging Natacha back to reality.

She glanced at her phone one last time, then shoved it into her pocket, trying to push aside the storm of emotions brewing inside her. The last thing she needed right now was another confrontation with her mother.

She took a deep breath and walked downstairs, trying to collect herself before entering the dining room.

When she walked into the kitchen, her mother was already seated at the table, her expression unreadable as she stared at her plate. There was a sense of quiet expectation in the air, and Natacha couldn’t shake the feeling that her mother had been waiting for her to arrive.

“Natacha, sit down,” her mother said, her tone sharper than usual. “We need to talk.”

Natacha’s stomach tightened. She had no idea what this conversation was about, but she wasn’t in the mood for one of her mother’s lectures. She already had enough to deal with—guilt over Eric, obsession over Alex, and the increasing pressure from her own emotions. The last thing she wanted was to add her mother’s disapproval to the pile.

She took a seat at the table and tried to ignore the weight of her mother’s gaze.

Her mother didn’t waste any time. “I talked to Mr. Delacroix today,” she said, her voice measured, almost casual, but Natacha could sense the underlying tension. “He mentioned that you’ve been spending a lot of time with him.”

Natacha’s heart skipped a beat. Mr. Delacroix. Her mind raced as she tried to process the words. She hadn’t expected her mother to bring him up, at least not like this. It felt like an accusation, even though her mother didn’t say anything directly.

“Yeah, I’ve been seeing him,” Natacha replied, trying to keep her voice steady. “He’s been helping me with some things. Homework, mostly.”

Her mother narrowed her eyes, clearly not buying it. “Is that all? I hope you’re not using him as an excuse to avoid your responsibilities.”

Natacha felt a flicker of irritation. “Mom, I’m not avoiding anything. He’s been helpful, that’s all.”

But even as she said the words, she knew they weren’t entirely true. Mr. Delacroix had become more than just a tutor to her. He had become a source of comfort, a steady presence in her life that she didn’t have from anyone else. And, even though she hated to admit it, she found herself seeking out his company more and more.

Her mother’s gaze didn’t soften. “I’m just worried about you, Natacha. You’ve been so distant lately. From Eric, from me, from everyone.”

The mention of Eric sent a jolt of pain through her chest. She hadn’t meant to distance herself from him, not consciously, but it had happened anyway. Every time he reached out to her, she pulled away, unsure of what to say or how to act. The guilt was suffocating, and the more she avoided him, the harder it became to face him.

“I’m fine, Mom,” she said, though her voice was shaky. “I’m just... figuring things out.”

Her mother’s eyes softened slightly, but there was still a hint of concern in them. “Just don’t forget what’s important, Natacha. Your future. Your life.”

Natacha nodded, but inside, she felt like everything was slipping away from her. Her future? How could she think about her future when everything in her present was in turmoil? How could she plan for anything when she was so lost in her own emotions, drowning in guilt and desire?

As the meal dragged on in silence, Natacha couldn’t shake the feeling that everything was changing around her, and she was helpless to stop it. Her mother’s words echoed in her mind, but they seemed so distant now, like they belonged to a different life, a life that felt increasingly out of reach.

After dinner, Natacha retreated to her room, her mind still racing. She couldn’t stop thinking about Alex’s message, about his invitation to meet tomorrow. She knew she should stay away, that it was dangerous to keep letting him back into her life. But the pull was irresistible.

Just one more meeting. One more chance to see if this obsession, this connection, was real. Or was she just fooling herself, falling for someone who only wanted to control her?

She didn’t have the answer yet, but as she closed her eyes, she knew one thing for sure. She couldn’t resist him—not yet, not when the desire burned so brightly within her.

Tomorrow would change everything.