Waking Up As The Bullied Nerd

CHAPTER 3

Death has been one of the most profound mysteries that humanity has tried to understand throughout time. Every culture and religion have unique interpretations and beliefs about what happens after someone loses their life.

For some people, death is scary because they are afraid of what comes after it. They wonder if there is an afterlife or if their consciousness ceases to exist. The fear of the unknown is a powerful force that can make death seem more terrifying than it actually is.

But is death that sinister or are we simply cowards who are scared to be not part of life?

From a scientific standpoint, death is the failure of the body's organs and systems. It's the cessation of life, a stop to all biological processes. This makes sense since once people die, they don't move, they don't breathe, they don't do anything except decompose into the Earth because that's all there is to it.

In some religious traditions, the soul is thought to go to a specific place after death, such as heaven or hell. Others believe in the concept of purgatory, where souls are held in a state of purification and judgment before being allowed into heaven.

But does heaven and hell really exist or is it some brainwashing technique to believe in some false hope? I find it hilarious that fear has to be inflicted on someone in their religion in order to commit good deeds. Is that how things are supposed to be?

But if a place of suffering exists, then there’s also a place for eternal peace, right? Will death offer the serenity that people hoped for? What does eternal peace feel like? Or maybe a start-over like reincarnation. Or was it rebirth?So many theories but no exact answer.

And death comes in the most unexpected ways. Other people die due to unwanted circumstances, or it was probably their karma coming back for them. Some simply had enough of the world. Even me.

I never feared death. Whether I'd be in eternal suffering, get reincarnated, or simply be at peace, I was fine with whatever divinity had to offer. I was fine either way. Or so I thought.But when my eyes opened, a vast white space greeted me.

"Guess the science one was wrong," I thought to myself. The indescribable pain I felt when the truck hit my body, as well as the physical aches that I’d been suffering for years, all of them vanished as if they never existed. All that was left of me was the feeling of void and emptiness.

I stood in the empty space, my eyes scanning the surroundings, searching for any signs of an exit. But all I could see was white, a blinding and infinite light pressing in on me from all sides. Despite the lack of walls, I felt I was trapped in a tight, suffocating place.

I took a step forward, expecting to feel solid ground beneath my feet, but my foot met only emptiness. Panic rose within me as I realized that there was no ground to stand on. I flail my arms, hoping to grab onto something, but there was nothing to hold onto.

The absence of any physical barriers only intensified the feeling of confinement. The whiteness closes in on me, shrinking the space I move in. I tried to scream, but the void absorbed all the sound, leaving me with only a strong ringing in my ears.

I was trapped in a never-ending space. The suffocating weight of the white space pressed down on me, threatening to crush my body into nothingness.

I attempted to move again and see what was behind me but failed to do so miserably. Although there were no restraints, I could not move at all. I tried again, but this time speaking, however my mouth could barely open wide enough to take a single breath. The only thing I could do was faintly breathe through my nose while shifting my eyes around.

Now that I noticed it, is this place even real or am I hallucinating? It could be that I’ve gone blind, however—

"Am I supposed to see white if I'm blind though?" I thought to myself.

The emptiness of this space was suffocating, like a vacuum that sucked the life out of my body. I was surrounded by this white void that felt similar to the room I was living in. But here, there was no noise to drown out my thoughts. In that shabby place, I could hear the thump of bass from the club next door, the disturbing sounds of laughter from the drunkards, and the occasional noise of s#x I heard from the other room. But here, there was nothing. No sound, except the beating of my own heart.

The noise from that place was the façade I used to hide from my misery. In here, without the distractions, that emptiness in me amplified. I never felt so alone, so completely devoid. The absence of any other living thing made me question whether I was even still alive.

As I stood in the space, I longed for the chaos of the district, for the noise and commotion that had made me feel less alone, even if only for a moment. But now, in this quiet, endless expanse, there was no escape from my own thoughts and the crushing weight of my isolation.

I was starting to get scared—no. I can’t be scared. I should never have since I had no right to be.

"What are you so scared of, Lilian? I thought you were fearless?" I might as well have gone crazy. To think I was being sarcastic with myself. I might have a loose screw going on.

There was a feeling of disconnect the more time passes. A server to the world I used to walk on. I was neither feeling pain nor peace, but desolate.

I was starting to imagine things. Being alone for no one knows how long was making me question

If some miracle happens with a sort of intervention from the people in charge of heaven, hell, and in between, I would love to meet and apologize to someone again before going to hell. Please.

I stood there like it was forever. Minutes? Hours? Days? I lost track of time. I should have counted silently to have something to do rather than stare up front. As if I could remember my counting, anyway. But it’s the sentiment that counts, right?

Tap. Tap. Tap.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps. I wasn’t sure if the silence had made me mad, but I finally saw something other than white. A figure, a running person to be specific, appeared out of nowhere in front of my eyes.

It was getting closer by the second, and I was able to recognize it was a girl covering her face. I was concerned because the girl was rushing at me at a fast pace while I was obstructing her path.

My desperate attempt to avoid colliding with her was an obvious fail because I can’t move a f#cking inch. This made me want to frown but I probably wouldn't be able to.

Hic.

My thoughts of disappointment were interrupted by the sound of someone sobbing. I looked up and saw not far from where I’m stuck in a motionless standstill. My attention was now on the girl who was narrowing the gap between us, a few meters away from clashing unto me. She abruptly unwrapped her hands, revealing her eyes that had tears streaming down her face.I gave the girl a good stare and felt a little weary. We looked completely different. Actually, we had nothing in common. But the thing is, why does looking at her remind me of who I was years ago? A complete mess who can’t even fix herself.

I quit forcing myself to move and gaze upon her, lost in thought and before I knew it, the gap between us was inches, a few seconds away from us colliding with each other. I prepared myself for the impact and didn’t care about what would happen after. Whether I’ll get hurt or not, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore.

Three. Two. One.

Huh? Nothing happened.

There was no collision. I expected it to knock me down and it would hurt a lot. But wait, can the dead feel pain, though? Wow, I’m really accepting the fact that I’m dead. The girl simply passed me, as if I was air, existing but no one could see nor touch me.

Throbbed.

My chest, which I thought would never hurt again, ached after the girl passed by. I was preoccupied with mentally mending the unexpected aching. I have no idea what was happening right now but all I know was my chest hurt and I was too late to realize I was falling down.

The light from above was only getting dimmer and dimmer. I was leaving that place, going further down. And falling only means one thing.

I’m going to hell.

A glimmer of light appeared from behind as I was falling. While the light from above was slowly disappearing, the one from behind was growing brighter. I wanted to turn around, but I felt as if my body was being restrained by something, rendering me immobile. The light became so intense that it was almost blinding. I closed my eyes and prepared myself for the impact.

Strangely, there was a weird feeling against my back. It was soft and comfortable, almost like a mattress.

It was so bright when I opened my eyes that it pained me. I had to blink a few times to adapt myself to the bright environment. My eyes felt like it was closed for a very long time and hadn’t seen much light.

The first thing I saw when my eyes felt okay was a fluorescent bulb attached to an unfamiliar ceiling. The sounds of my vicinity filled my ears, including beeping noises, steps, low chatters, and the increasing volume of the siren. Even though I was weary and fatigued, I forced my body to sit down out of instinct.

I’m able to move. I’m able to sit up.

I had a strange feeling about something, but I couldn't figure out what it was. My attention was now directed to the surroundings. I found myself in a small room with my left hand attached to a tube that leads to an IV bag. I was dressed in a medical gown, and other items in the room indicated where I was.

I've been admitted to a hospital. I must have survived a near-death experience and now become a patient. A lot happened and the last thing I remembered was lying on the hot road, bleeding to my demise.

But the costs I had to pay for my stay at the medical institution were the one thing that kept coming to the forefront of my thoughts. The place I was staying appeared to be a private room.

Who the f#ck arranged this for me? Who’s the motherf#cker that got me into this?

My mind was in complete disarray because of what was happening. I haven’t fully recovered from that weird dream yet. A normal person should feel happy about being alive, but I was never normal—or happy.

My head was torn between being relieved to be alive and anxious about getting the list of hospital bills. This is why I never liked hospitals. It only brought me problems one after another. First, I had to calm down. My two hands were brought to the level of my face, and I proceeded to do the one thing I do to collect my thoughts.

Slap!

I slapped my cheeks hard, feeling the sting settle in. It hurt, but the pain helped me clear my mind. I realized that no one had come to visit me, which didn't come as a surprise. I never had any friends, and I didn't have any family left. I had been living alone since the day I escaped my hometown.

My legs were weak, but luckily the IV bag pole had wheels, so I used it for support as I walked to the bathroom. It would have been best to call a nurse, but I didn't want the hassle. It was a struggle to drag my groggy body, stumbling and pushing myself to the limit until I finally made it to the bathroom in my private hospital room.

The bathroom was clean, as expected, and I immediately saw the sink with a big mirror on it. I gazed at my reflection for a long time, but something was strange. My face wasn't reflected in the mirror at all, and the face I was looking at was miles apart from how I usually looked.

I have never considered myself attractive, but the face staring back at eek black hair. The skin was pale and soft to the touch, and we were probably the same height. I shook my head, thinking it was a trick of the light, but the reflection blinked back at me a few times. When I winked with my left eye, the reflection winked back, and when I smacked myself, the reflection did the same.

"Ouch," I winced, as the slap was sinking in. The reflection copied every move, and I couldn't believe what was happening right now. Even the sound of my voice was different.

I couldn't believe what was happening. My mind was a complete mess, and no matter how much I tried to calm myself down, nothing seemed to work. So, I did something I never thought I would do: I screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAGH?!?!?!?!?"

I let out a loud, guttural scream that echoed through the bathroom walls. It was a release of all the frustration and confusion that had been building up inside me since I woke up in this hospital bed. The sound of my own voice startled me, and I stopped abruptly, gasping for breath. But the silence that followed only made the situation feel more surreal. I was alone, in a strange room, with no idea how I got there or why my reflection in the mirror was so different from how I remembered myself.

I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down, but the panic was still there, lurking in the back of my mind. What was happening to me? Was I losing my mind?

I looked in the mirror again, but the reflection was the same as before—a cute girl. It was like looking at a stranger.

I couldn't take it anymore. I slumped down on the bathroom floor, my back against the wall, and buried my face in my hands. What was I supposed to do now?