Inhumanity

1. Into Darkness-3

The rest of the journey was short but interesting. The beautiful colors in the trees, the air whipping across the Appalachian Mountains, the mist rising early on the fall mornings usually covering the road, but leaving to the imagination what would come next in the journey. My mother knew the country of North Carolina well. She had lived there most of her life until she met my father. It was then that she moved with him to Massachusetts.

When we arrived at my aunt’s manor house, she would greet us with a smile and a wave. She was always happy to see me, and I, to see her. My aunt would invite me to have sweet tea and sit on the porch to watch the rest of the evening go by. I would sit there for hours just waiting for the sun to go down and see all the bugs come out in the cool air. The breeze would blow through the trees, moving them in such a way as to greet me. I really felt at home there among the forests. Then my mother would emerge from the house and say, “Benjamin, it is time to come inside and eat.” I would jump down from the chair and rush inside. I was so excited to eat. My aunt would always prepare greens and chicken with a small portion of potatoes. I always loved the way that she would put the food on the plate. It always made my mouth water, watching as she would gently lay the greens on the plate. Gently pressing the chicken with a knife to make sure that it was prepared properly, she would always make the juices run out of the meat onto the plate. I was so hungry by the time she would lay the plate before me. I would devour the food and look at her with a smile, saying, “Ma’am, may I have another helping?” She would smile and laugh a little but would ultimately give me more than I had before.

My mother would chat with her for hours about everything that was happening on the farm and what it was like living in Massachusetts. I would sit by the fire listening to their conversation and think about the things that I would do the next day. There was an endless amount of land to explore and so many things to see. I would always dream about a creek just below the house. It always bubbled out of the ground with a gentle sprinkle and run over the rocks. I could play in the small waterfall that trickled down just below the start of the spring. I would jump in the water and play with the rocks there; I had all the time in the world to play and enjoy myself. Every day was like that.

In the night my mother and aunt would call me to come and eat, and I would race across the meadows to meet them on the porch. I would eat slowly, trying to listen to what they were saying. In the end, I would go to bed well-fed and relaxed from the conversation. My mother would prepare a bed for me in the sitting room near the fire, and I would beg her to tell me a story before I went to bed. My mother would always smile and say, “I will tell you a story about your aunt when she was a child.” I would always look her in the eyes with excitement, waiting to hear the story. The fire would c***k and pop, and I would hear my mother’s soothing voice as I slowly drifted into sleep, the world around me slowly fading into blackness, and sometimes I could feel the sensations of a beautiful dream, dreams of the world around me and the ever-needed extra time to play. Oh, how I would love to play in the meadows of my mind. I would drift from knoll to knoll, singing and playing as I skipped along. Nothing in the world would interrupt my peace and joy. I would play in my mind until the sun came up.

At sunrise I would hear my grandmother’s sweet voice, calling me to awake from my slumber and get some breakfast. She would always prepare gravy with biscuits, eggs, and bacon. I never went a morning without a full belly. I would always listen to the world going by outside as I ate. I heard the birds sing and the wind gently drifts through the trees, carrying a soothing rustling sound with it. My aunt’s house was always a refuge for me, but as I got older, I lost interest in the summer travels to North Carolina. I had traveled there so many times that it seemed to not be worth the trouble. Since I was seventeen, I had not been to see my aunt. Now some five years later I was returning. It all seemed like a dream to me now.

Two days ago I was working on the biggest banking deal the Northeast had seen. I was to be the master banker for the deal. Now it all seemed to flow away from me like the little stream of which I was so fond. All the work, all the late nights I had spent working on the arrangement. Now it was so long ago in my mind. I sat there in the darkness thinking about the days that led to this spontaneous trip. I thought about my aunt and how she must be suffering, just waiting to see me again. I saw her in my mind as she once was. Such a sweet lady, she would always offer me anything that I needed to be comfortable as a child. Now all she could do was lie in a bed, waiting for the sickness to end.

The train rocked and creaked as it rushed down the tracks. The wind howled by outside, and the only thing that I could do was wait for the sun to emerge from the horizon to relieve the world of this reflective darkness. I could feel myself slipping into sleep as I sat there. This situation had become all that I could think about. I could not imagine that my aunt would become ill so easily. How could she just feel so bad? I always remembered her as the life of the conversation. She always wished to be involved in what she could to help others. I sat there for a few minutes more, thinking about my aunt and how I could have gotten into this situation. I stood up and began fixing the bed. I might not fall into sleep tonight, but I would be comfortable in case I do. I lay down on the bed, slightly drifting under the sheets. The cold sensation that ran along my skin as I corrected my relaxed posture from the sheets was amazing. It was as if my skin almost tingled from the sensation. I felt so relaxed, just waiting there for the sun to arise, calling me forth into the next day.

I closed my eyes and gently drifted into a trance-like state. I let my mind wander ever deeper into the image that had come to mind. I could see the train rushing down the tracks. I could feel the sensation of the wind, but I felt strange. The sky was darkened with clouds that were so thick it seemed the sun would never shine. As I felt a terrible sense of urgency I could not understand, my mind drifted over the ground as if it were a part of the train. The sky rumbled, and rain began crashing onto the car. I gazed through a window to where I was lying. I could feel a terrible sense of dread. The car seemed darker than it had been when I lay down. A pressure rushed over to me and began forcing down onto my chest. The sense was cold as if something containing so much malice wished to oppress me in my dream. I felt the hatred as it stung my chest. I could feel a sharp pain coursing through my flesh. At that moment I could feel an obstacle pressing down around me. I opened my eyes in a flash and tried to sit up. I could not. Why could I not control my own body? In my brief moment of relaxation, had I become paralyzed? I felt drained of my energy, and I could not bear it. I screamed out in terror at this sensation. When my eyes opened and my breath was taken from my chest, I felt a pressure pushing me back down. I could feel the hatred and malice ever stronger the more that I struggled. Something in this compartment wished me harm. I fought and fought when suddenly I heard a slight laugh as of a deranged man. I felt the breath of this creature rushing across my face. It was laughing in my face as if to say that I should not continue. I fought ever harder. Wiggling more and more under the sheets, I finally fought free of its grasp. I launched myself into an upright position, feeling the terror slowly sink inside. I could hear it laughing from the doorway. In that moment I froze, realizing that this creature was here as a warning. I am unsure as to what warning it was trying to convey. I sat there for a minute in silence as the creature just lingered in the doorway. I could feel its gaze upon me, daring me to move. I stared back, but into darkness as the creature’s form was unseen.

I felt a peace rest upon my shoulders; however, it did not last long. I called out, “Who are you, and what do you wish for me?” The creature did not respond for some time. I sat there waiting for the answer, not knowing what would happen next. In an instant, I heard a voice coming from the doorway as of darkness itself. There was a very gruff tone to it, but with a brutality that I had never imagined. I sat there listening as it spoke on.

“I am your fear!” the creature said. “I have come to terrify your very soul!” I could feel the creature smiling as it spoke these words. There was a sense of twisted pleasure in this act. “If you continue to pursue us, we shall devour your soul, for all hell to hold!” An instant passed and the doors flew open, the creature rushing out of the room and out of the car itself. There was a distinct sound of maniacal laughter as the creature fled the car. I felt an instant drop in temperature, but the pressure and fear were gone. I sat there wondering what would come next. I thought about that sentence. Who would devour my soul? Whom would I pursue? To what end would this creature deem to devour my soul? I did not understand any of this. I lay there feeling the peace that surrounded me once again. I felt as if all my fatigue had left. The night moved slowly by, and I found myself sitting in the chair situated at the foot of my bed. I sat there watching the door, waiting. I could not know if this beast would return, or if I would simply sit there alone. If it did return, what would happen? Would that mean that my time had finally come? Would I be guided into hell as the beast spoke? I did not want to find out at all. I wished to simply wait for whatever would happen next.

I prayed in part of my mind that the sun would come. In a way, I felt as if light would make everything better. The other part of my mind wished to face this beast, to understand it. I felt the car moving violently at times as if it were tipping off the tracks. I felt myself slowly drifting into a trance, trying to understand what was happening. I knew that it was all in my mind. There was no plausible explanation for this occurrence. Creatures such as this don’t exist. I thought for an instant that I could be insane. My mind rejected this theory, knowing that I was of sound mind when all this occurred. I knew that I was not dreaming entirely. If I had, I would not have felt the creature as it tried to pin me down. On the other hand, this all had to be a dream. How could something so utterly inexplicable happen? There was no more cause for alarm, yet I felt a terror that had been left deep inside my heart. I could not understand it, but I felt as if I could not continue on this path. “I must continue!” I thought. Whatever this creature could have been was a dream. Nothing happened last night, nothing at all! I quickly refocused on my situation.