Destined to be

chapter 75

Previously ;

Emily: " It was , it really was . "

Jenna: " I understand . "

Emily: " And then my father found that letter from my mother . It said that I was not his daughter . I was in labor then he left me in the hospital and went away . "

Jenna: " What do you mean that he went away ? "

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Emily: " He left me in the hospital and then walked out with his wife . He left me there to die . The hospital kicked me out because I didn't had the money to pay them . On the new years eve I sat on the side of the street with my new born . "

Jenna: " I can't even imagine what went on you . "

Emily: " A stranger was generous enough to let me stay at his house . "

Jenna: " It is good that you found help . "

Emily: " Yes but I am getting this strange feeling inside . It is killing me . I try to move on from my past but some way or the other I get dragged back there . I don't know what to do . "

Jenna: " I know what you are feeling . You are feeling abandoned and it is obvious . But don't let this feeling house in your heart . "

Emily: " I know I should not but I can't help it . People are calling me a slut . I have lost my image . People are calling me by names . I don't know how to react . It bothers me a lot what others think of me . "

Jenna: " People who have experienced abandonment feel anything but self-assured . They feel lost , undesired , discarded , insignificant , and helpless . Abandonment is a traumatic shock to your emotional system because you are suddenly cut off from a significant relationship .

No doubt that trauma fragments the soul . The journey to put yourself back together is no small feat . But somewhere along the way , you abandoned yourself . You stopped believing yourself . You relinquished your strength and gave your power away to someone else to fix you . You depend on someone else’s reassurance to be your source of peace .

Accompany yourself don't abandon yourself . "

Emily: " What do you mean ? "

Jenna: " The idea of accompanying yourself means that you commit to staying present with yourself through every mental or physical state that you might be in : every situation you encounter , every feeling you experience , every side of yourself that shows up , no matter what .

It is a radical alternative to what most people usually do . Abandoning is a good word for that because it captures how we tend to reject the suffering part of us when we are hurting , and even kick them while they are down . For example when we feel a physical or emotional pain we might try to ignore it or push through it , and even become angry and frustrated with ourselves about it . . . . . . . . . "

Emily: " I will try . Did my mother tell you anything about me ? "

Jenna: " Actually she did . She said that every time she saw you she felt guilty for hiding the truth from you . You know she always thought that if you found out the truth you would have hated her . "

Emily: " I don't hate her but I don't even miss her now . I feel like she is not the kind of lady I thought she was . She was like a totally different person who is responsible for ruining my life . "

Jenna: " Stop blaming others for what is happening in your life . "

Emily: " Easy for you to say . You can just say that can feel my pain but you can't . No one can because they have not gone through what I did . I am so dependent on others for everything . "

Jenna: " I know you are having a hard time but it is a phase it will pass . Things are destined to be . You can fight with everything but not your destiny . It is a losing bet . "

Emily: " But what if things never changed ? "

Jenna: " You know what is the best part of having a nightmare . . . . . . . it ends when you open your eyes . "

Emily: " But I feel like my life has become a nightmare . There is no way I can wake up from it . "

Jenna: " Trust me dears , good things will happen to you . And I am sure about it . "

Emily: " Well we will see . I will leave now . "

Jenna: " Come to me any time you need me . I will be here . And if there is any thing I could help you with , please tell me . I owe that to Erica . "

Emily: " That is very generous but right now I am good . "

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Clara walked in Rachel's room with her to help her choose the perfect dress .

Rachel: " Oh my god ! "

Clara: " What ? "

Rachel: " Oh my God ! "

Clara: " Ok I will also repeat what I said earlier , what ? "

Rachel: " What has Mindy done ? "

Clara: " What do you mean ? You know exactly what she has done . "

Rachel: " Tyler is so handsome . The way he walks , the way he smiles and his jawline ' Oh my God ' . "

Clara: " Oh my God ! Are you crushing on Tyler ? . . . . . . You can't because he is your best friends boy friend . "

Rachel: " ' Ex ' boyfriend though . But . . . . . .I know I can't go for him . "

Clara: " Yes , because if you do it will be against the girls code which says that you can't go for your friends exes . "

Rachel: " I know . . . . . I know and I love Mindy . You know that . But he is so yummy . "

Clara: " Rachel . "

Rachel: " I mean what won't I give to feels his abs and touch his soft lips . I want to feel his skin against mine and . . . . . "

Clara: " wait , wait , wait , that will be betraying Mindy . And now you are attracted to him so you can't go with him . "

Rachel: " What are you talking ? I made up everything just to be with him and you are saying that I can't go with him . "

Clara: " You b***h . . . . . but think about Mindy ! She is your friend . "

Rachel: " Yes but she left him in the first place and she don't want to get back with him . So I think it won't be that wrong if I go for him . "

Clara: " You are not even sure if Tyler is attracted to you . "

Rachel: " I know exactly what boys want . I will give him a taste that he will never forget . Oh my God I am so happy I came here . "

Clara: " But . . . "

Rachel: " No buts I am also your friend I want you to be happy for me . Is that too much ? Or I don't mean as much to you as Mindy . "

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Clara: " Oh come on I know very well what you are trying to do here ! "

Rachel: " I don't understand what you mean , I am trying to tell you what is in my heart . "

Clara: " Oh sure you are trying to do that . "

Rachel: " Why are you saying like you don't believe me . I have dated my friends ex before and she was fine with it . "

Clara: " Some friends might be cool with you dating their ex, but other friends may feel it's crossing the line . Mindy is still reeling over their split, it's best to be there for them — not move on to their ex yourself . Before dating Mindy's ex , you should have a conversation with her to see if she is OK with it . If she is not , it may be best to respect her wishes — or risk losing a relationship with her . They both can't even be in the same room they have not ended their relationship on good terms . "It can be quite difficult to deal with your friends not liking your partner— especially if the partner is someone they used to date.

Clara: " You are trying to manipulate me with your sweet talks and then you want to trap me with your words so that you can get the things your way . That is what you do . "

Rachel: " No I am not . . . . . . what are you saying ? "

Clara: " Really . . . . . . . "

Rachel: " So you think you know me ? "

Clara: " No I know that I know you . "

Rachel: " Ok fine you got me . I can't carry on with it any longer . So tell me what do you think ? "

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