Destined to be

chapter 20

Previously ;

Emily: " I am sorry to hear this . "

Estella: " No , no , child you should not be sorry . I told you because I thought that at some point you needed to hear . "

Emily: " You thought that ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . May I ask why ? "

Estella: " I wanted you to learn that at times all you have to do is adjust with time and have faith in the all mighty , he will drive you through your worries . He will figure out a way to get you out of this problem . "

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Emily: " I am sorry but I slightly disagree with you on this point . You have got to figure out a way to get out of the problems . You can just sit with folded hands and rely on God to figure out a way to drive you through the problems . I think we should fight . You mother , she fought for her and for you . . . . . . . . . "

Estella: " Since we are on her topic . . . . . . . . . . . .My mother was able to restart the business because she stayed . Had she left my father before she wouldn't have got a part in his business . "

Emily: " I guess we just have different perfectives . "

Estella: " You are just having a hard time but you are such a sweet , strong girl . I am sure good will come your way . "

Emily: " Well , I have faith in your faith . . . . . . . . . . . . "

Estella: " If things can get better for me then I am sure they will get better for you . . . . . . . . . Look at me though I have a terrible past but now things are better for me . . . . . . . . . . I . . . . . I am happy now . "

Emily: " Are you sure that you are happy now ? "

Estella: " You are talking about my husband's mistress , right ? "

Emily: " I . . . . . . . . I don't . . . . . . . . . . . . . I . . . . . . . . . . . . "

Estella: " Come on you can say this "

Emily: " How can you be happy after all this ? "

Estella: " I don't know . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I think I don't really have a choice . Did Steven tell you about my . . . . . . . . . . "

Emily: " About your syndrome ? . . . . . . . Yes . I am so so sorry ! "

Estella: " Honey stop being sorry about everything . Alex is quite generous , you know . He didn't left me . He is still with me . Any one else would have left me . "

Emily: " He is with you for your money . I am sure he don't want to give up all the luxury . "

Estella: " But still . "

Emily: " Don't under value your self . "'

Estella: " As I have said earlier I don't really have a choice . "

Emily: " You have , you always have a choice . Rest is on you ! "

Estella: " You have no idea what it is to be me . . . . . . . ."

Emily: " You have no idea what it is to be me . . . . . . . . ."

both sighs .

Emily: " Tell me how do you feel . "

Estella: " I . . . . . . I don't know ! "

Emily: " Come on tell me ! "

Estella: " No one has ever asked me about my feelings like ever ! "

Emily: " You can tell me . You can share anything with me . You don't have to keep everything to yourself . "

Estella: " I FEEL LIKE . . . . . . . . . . . .LIKE . . . . . . . MY LIFE IS A MESS . IF YOU ASK ME ABOUT MY HEART THEN I WILL SAY THAT I HAVE NEVER REALLY LOVED MY LIFE .I FEEL TRAPPED INSIDE MY BODY . I WANT TO BE FREE . EVERY NIGHT WHEN I GO TO BED I PRAY THAT I DONT WAKEUP BECAUSE I JUST CANT FACE THIS DAMN WORLD AGAIN . I CANT SEE MY HUSBAND WITH ANOTHER LADY . I CAN'T SEE MY CHILD FIGHTING EVERY SINGLE DAY . HE NEVER SAYS BUT I KNOW THAT HE IS GOING THROUGH A LOT . I CANT LIVE ANOTHER DAY BEING ME , BEING ESTELLA WIFE OF ALEX . I JUST HAVE THE TITLE OF BEING HIS WIFE WHILE HE HAS GIVEN ALL THE RIGHTS TO SOMEONE ELSE .

I FEEL LIKE . . . . . . IT'S HARD , IT'S JUST SO HARD TO PUT MY EMOTIONS INTO WORDS . WORDS CAN NEVER DO JUSTICE TO MY SUFFERING TO ALL THAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH . I FEEL EXHAUSTED . I AM TIRED OF TRYING EVEN WHEN I KNOW LIFE WONT GET ANY BETTER .

I CAN FEEL THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD ON MY SHOULDERS .I CAN'T SEE ANY HOPE FOR A BETTER FUTURE . IN FACT I CAN'T EVEN SEE ANY FUTURE . I DON'T KNOW HOW CAN I LIVE LIKE THIS . EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE SO DULL AND MEANINGLESS . LIFE HAS BECOME A CHORE I DONT WANT TO BE A PART OF . I CAN FEEL THE EMPTINESS WITHIN ME . I FEEL LIKE THERE'S A PLASTIC

BAG TIED AROUND MY NECK AND EVERY TIME I TRY TO BREATH IT GETS TIGHTER AND TIGHTER . I FEEL LIKE I AM DROWNING , EXCEPT I KNOW TO SWIM . I FEEL LIKE I HAVE REACHED THE END OF THE ROAD ONLY TO FIND THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF WITH DEADLY JAGGERED ROCKS BELOW . I CANT GO BACK

TO WHERE I CAME FROM .THERE'S NO SIDE ROAD TO TURN TO .THE AIR IS WHISPERING IN MY EARS "JUMP DOWN". I FEEL LIKE THERE ARE TWO PERSONS INSIDE MY HEAD , ONE IS DEPRESSED AND WANTS TO END IT THE OTHER ONE KNOWS IT WILL GET OK . BUT WHEN ? ? ? ? I JUST KEEP ON ASKING THIS QUESTION TO ME .

WHEN WILL THING GET BETTER ? WILL THEY EVER GET ? OR ITS JUST LIKE STUPID GOAL THAT YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE SO BAD . AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE GOAL IS . YOU KEEP LIVING

EVERYDAY MAKING STEPS TO ACHIEVE YOU GOAL WHAT YOU FAIL TO REALISE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE . YOU BLINDLY KEEP ON TRYING AND TRYING AND TRYING AND TRYING EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW IN A CORNER OF YOUR HEART THAT YOU WILL FAIL .

OFFCOURSE THERE'S AN INNER VOICE THAT TRIES TO WARN YOU BUT ALL YOU DO IS IGNORE THAT .

THERE IS A VOICE THAT CHASES ME .EVEN IF I AM HAPPY FOR A SINGLE MOMENT , A SINGLE DAMN MOMENT WHICH I MAY TELL YOU IS VERY RARE IT WHISPERS INTO MY EARS THAT " YOU LAUGHTER WONT LAST LONGER . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "

Emily: " Oh , I feel like you just spoke my heart out . "

Estella: " Anyways leave my subject lets talk about you . "

Emily: " What about me ? "

Estella: " You know what do you need ? "

Emily: " What ? ? ? ? ? ? "

Estella: " You need to be with you even for few minutes . You have gone through a lot . Take your time , Honey . There is a wood near by go there and think about everything . "

Emily: " Ok , I will take Ava . "

Estella: " Leave her with me . Just go alone . "

Emily: " Ok ! "

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A sweet surrendering scent of the moist morning dew that cascades all around the sublime forest. The mixed cool autumn leaves from the tall trees lay scattered on the forest floor; they were in the motion of turning a brittle brown. There was the sound of shattered glass that emphasised the leaves being crunched, as if you were to step on them, pushing their papery remains deep into the brilliant white snow, which lined the ground like a fresh white cotton sheet. The passive and daunting forest has the appeal of a forgotten land, which has been lost in time. The isolated forest remained in a capsule, untouched by the destructive essence of man.

The dark shadows of the voluminous trees and puzzled bushes had become the structure of the forest. The trees stood proud and tall as protectors of the exigent grounds, as the impregnated bushes that had consumed the hard regions of the forest, concealed the land from beneath the vibrant portals of the open sky.

The isolated forest has the appearance of winter romance which blossomed, alluring your mind deeper and deeper into the enchanted land.

The wintery sun shone in the sky , as if trying to make up for setting so early the evening before, the sun bloomed into the sky with a warm mellow glow. Sending what was left of the dull moon packing until his next stint overlooking the night. The dusky sky, was a brilliantly bright baby blue, and perched picturesquely on the autumn branches of the trees in the forest below. As the morning developed the sounds of young birds began to fulfil the air with a delicious spritz. They chirped, tweeted and warbled incessantly.

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