Fight Like A Girl

Chapter 4- Matthew

Why did I volunteer to go check on her? I wasn’t even fully ready to see her again. When I’d seen her outside, my heart nearly fell to the ground. She was still f*****g gorgeous. I wanted so badly to hold her in my arms, even for just a minute but with Dallas around that seemed like a bad idea. Maybe that’s why my dumb ass was walking up the stairs to her room to check on her. The bomb Dallas dropped on her was rude, it was too much.

The night we lost her constantly replays in my head. I had been trying to get Nix to change the deal last minute, but he just wouldn’t. I wanted to fight for her, in her place, but the bastard wasn’t having any of it. It wasn’t because I didn’t think she couldn’t fight, I knew how good she was and I had been scared Nix would take her. It was a rough time for all of us, especially after she blamed us all and walked out.

I stopped at her door and leaned my head against it. I could of sworn I heard sniffling and I threw my head back. Crying women weren't my thing. That was usually Bent’s area, but I needed to reconnect with my girl. After all this time, she was still mine. Ours. It had been a pact we made after we lost her and the realization that we all loved her was made. None of us was going to give that up, so if we couldn’t all have her then none of us could.

I gave a soft knock. “Kitten it’s me. Can I come in?” I asked softly hoping it would coax her out. I heard some shuffling and then the door clicked and opened, but there was no Sailor behind it. She was crawling back into bed, curling up into the covers. Taking a deep breath, I walked in and shut the door behind me. I watched her as I walked over to the bed and crawled under the covers with her. She wasted no time crawling to my chest and holding me close. My eyes closed and my breathing became shaky, but I wrapped my arms around her anyway. This moment was about her, not me.

“How is it that you still smell the same as I remember?” She asked softly, burring her head into my chest more. I couldn’t help but chuckle. Should I tell her that I bought stock in the body wash that I used back in the day so that when this moment come she’d ask that exact question? She had told me then she liked how I smelt, which for a kid my age did wonders for my ego. I always wanted to smell like that for her. Why did I volunteer to go check on her? I wasn’t even fully ready to see her again. When I’d seen her outside, my heart nearly fell to the ground. She was still f*****g gorgeous. I wanted so badly to hold her in my arms, even for just a minute but with Dallas around that seemed like a bad idea. Maybe that’s why my dumb ass was walking up the stairs to her room to check on her. The bomb Dallas dropped on her was rude, it was too much. 

The night we lost her constantly replays in my head. I had been trying to get Nix to change the deal last minute, but he just wouldn’t. I wanted to fight for her, in her place, but the bastard wasn’t having any of it. It wasn’t because I didn’t think she couldn’t fight, I knew how good she was and I had been scared Nix would take her. It was a rough time for all of us, especially after she blamed us all and walked out. 

I stopped at her door and leaned my head against it. I could of sworn I heard sniffling and I threw my head back. Crying women weren't my thing. That was usually Bent’s area, but I needed to reconnect with my girl. After all this time, she was still mine. Ours. It had been a pact we made after we lost her and the realization that we all loved her was made. None of us was going to give that up, so if we couldn’t all have her then none of us could. 

I gave a soft knock. “Kitten it’s me. Can I come in?” I asked softly hoping it would coax her out. I heard some shuffling and then the door clicked and opened, but there was no Sailor behind it. She was crawling back into bed, curling up into the covers. Taking a deep breath, I walked in and shut the door behind me. I watched her as I walked over to the bed and crawled under the covers with her. She wasted no time crawling to my chest and holding me close. My eyes closed and my breathing became shaky, but I wrapped my arms around her anyway. This moment was about her, not me. 

“How is it that you still smell the same as I remember?” She asked softly, burring her head into my chest more. I couldn’t help but chuckle. Should I tell her that I bought stock in the body wash that I used back in the day so that when this moment come she’d ask that exact question? She had told me then she liked how I smelt, which for a kid my age did wonders for my ego. I always wanted to smell like that for her. 

“You want the truth or do you want me to lie to you?” I asked gently as I stroked her hair. I wanted her to have the option, because if it was up to me, I’d never lie to her again. Ever. She deserved to know about so much more than what Dallas and her brothers were telling her. Even Nix hadn’t told her the entire story. 

“Truth. Always the truth Matty.” She said so softly that I almost didn’t catch it. Her nickname for me brought back so many memories. She was the only one allowed to call me Matty. If a girl I was dating, or f*****g would call me that they’d be flat on their ass in two seconds flat. I didn’t put up with it when she was around and it as worse after she left. 

“After you left, I went and bought out the store of the body wash every week for six moths. You’d told me then that you liked how I smelt, and I wanted to make sure that never changed for you. So if I ever got to hold you in my arms again, you’d ask that exact question.” I spilled my secrets to her and I could feel her snuggling closer to me. I’d been the one out of all of us to never be able to lie to her. It was a fault, but I always won lots of brownie points from it. 

Her laugh started small, and before I knew it she was pulling away from me to hold her sides. Hearing her laugh like this was like music to my ears, it had been a sound I’d too soon forgotten. Never again. It would be my mission to make her laugh like this at least once a week. It was beautiful. “Do you even know how gorgeous you are when you laugh like that?” I asked softly as she finished and was wiping a tear from her eye. 

She refused to look at me in the eye. “Don’t talk like that, Matty.  You don’t know me anymore.” There was more sadness in her last sentence than I ever wanted to hear from her. But she was right, I didn’t know her anymore, I wanted to though. I shifted in the bed to see her better, I needed to soak up every second with her. Ten years was far too long to be away from the one woman that has your heart and doesn’t even realize it. Not that I blamed her, in her mind we betrayed her. 

“You’re right, I don’t know you anymore. I’ll never forgive myself for what happened, Sail, but I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you just how sorry I am. I’ve missed you beyond words, baby. Nothing will ever change how I feel about you.” I said, reaching over and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I told Dallas I’d come check on you. The news he dropped downstairs was pretty big.” I didn’t want to push her, but she needed to know how important she was to us. How much we’ve gone through for her, Dallas especially. He’d never tell you that he was doing all of this for her, but myself and the other guys knew it. Sailor was his world, and when she left...my best friend became like a different person. I wanted the old him back, the one that would laugh at Gage’s stupid jokes, or my failed attempts at flirting. 

She studied me for a long moment, as if trying to figure out if I was telling the truth. Her shoulders dropped and she let her guard down, I could tell the moment it happened. “ I just want to be free, Matty. “ She said softly, bringing her hand up to her left shoulder, rubbing a spot softly. “I tried once to leave him, you know?” Sailor moved her shirt to the side and I saw the scar. It took everything I had not to storm out of the room and find Nix myself. He’d pay for hurting her like that. “He always said it was for my own good if I stayed and did what he said. I missed my family. I missed you guys. “ She sighed softly and let her head fall back and I wanted to scoop her up and hold her tightly. 

“We never got out.” I blurted out and mentally slapped myself. Dallas should be the one telling her these things, but he’s too stubborn. She lifted her head and stared at me. I groaned, ran a hand through my hair and got off the bed. Might as well spill everything now. I started to pace and saw her move to the edge of the bed, waiting. How did I tell her that this entire time, we’ve been doing the things Nix wanted her to do. We took her fights, her jobs, her kills? There was no way we were letting him put her though that. 

“When you left that night, Dallas almost killed Nix. He changed the deal, he changed everything. You were only supposed to fight that one fight, to pay the debt from your brothers. Nix saw how f*****g beautiful you are and he changed his mind. Dallas lost his s**t when you left. He beat Nix nearly to death and then demanded to stay in. He demanded that Nix use us to do all the bidding he was going to have you do. We took most of your fights, we did the jobs, killed the people so you wouldn’t have to. We stayed in for you. Dallas has been working day and night to take over from Nix so that you can be free from this life. “ I took a deep breath and turned to face her. “We never wanted what happened ten years ago to actually happen. You’re our girl, and having you ripped away from us like that f*****g hurt. There was no chance for us to explain, nothing. You were just gone. “ I walked over to her and fell to my knees between her legs. 

“We made a pact, though.” Might as well tell her everything while I’m at it. The guys can be mad at me later for it, but the way she was looking at me right now made me want to spill everything. “ You’re ours. If you want us. It’s all or nothing baby. “I smiled sweetly at her, hoping to soften the blow of everything. She deserved to know and I highly doubt Dallas would tell her. 

Her brows shot up at my words. “Like, all four of you? “ She whispered, her voice going a little raspy. f**k, if I’d known this is how she was going to react then I wouldn’t have told her alone. I nodded, grabbing her hands with my own. “We all wanted you back then too, but Dallas was the first one to make a move. “ I said softly, remembering seeing them share a kiss. It had made me so red hot angry I had to punch one of the punching bags near by. The others just chalked it up to me being angry at the fight, but it was jealousy. 

“Why didn’t you guys tell me? Before the fight? Why keep me in the dark?” I could see the fire in her eyes returning and I lowered my head. I’d never understood why Dallas didn’t tell her the truth. It wasn’t like he couldn’t have made her listen. 

“At first, Dallas was angry with you for not letting us explain. He’d said “f**k it if she wants to live her life like that then it’s not our business.” But deep down, he was hurt as f**k you wouldn’t listen to him. “ We were all hurt, but her and Dallas had a special relationship. One I knew my best friend was missing something awful. When Bentley told us he’d been talking to her through email, Dallas threw a three thousand dollar vase at the wall and then got s**t faced. It was a dark time for all of us, but I felt more so for Dallas. He’d always had a hard time connecting with people, showing affection. Not when it came to Sailor though. 

I felt her tiny hands on my face, lifting me up to look at her. “I want to be so angry with you, but gods, you make it so hard to be. I thought coming back, I’d have a hard time forgiving you guys, but hearing all this...” She let her sentence trail off and I smiled. She was talking about forgiveness, which was more than I could ever ask for. “I’ve missed you guys too much to stay angry with you.” Sailor let that beautiful smile of hers come out and I nearly melted.  She kissed my cheek softly and threw her arms around my neck, pulling me in close. “I need to talk to Dallas.” She whispered and I just nodded, wrapping my arms around her. I’d take her to Dallas, but first I needed a little more alone time with her.