His forever is just one night

06

*trigger warning*

r a i n

"Here you go ." The waitress declares , sliding the stack of pancakes in front of me and places the large strawberry milkshake next to it . "Thank you ." I mumble , eyeing the large stack of pancakes. It looks absolutely delicious and I know it'd taste just as amazing as it looks , but I haven't been able to keep anything down for the past two months — for years , actually.

It's difficult eating something without hearing those poison laced insults , always reminding me how disgusting I am . A constant reminder that eating more would result into me being even more disgusting than I already am . I know it's not true , I really do . But , the small voice at the back of my head keeps chanting his hurtful words , making it extremely difficult to ignore and just do as I want. I do eat , sometimes , when I'm really starving and haven't eaten anything proper but it's still a struggle .

I am enough . I remind myself over and over again . Because , I am .

"Is something wrong with your pancakes ?" Riven's deep voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I only now realize that I've been staring at the pancakes with a grimace spread on my face . I gaze up at Riven , who is searching my face with a blank expression , tilting his head a degree and lifting a brow in question . My eyes flutter down to my pancakes , trying to avoid his watchful gaze .

"No ." I murmur , picking up my knife and fork . The pancakes looks like a mountain of calories, ready for me to eat and regret after. I hate sounding so weak in front of Riven , it causes me to feel pathetic .With shaky hands , I cut a piece of the pancake off and hesitatingly bring it up to my mouth , shoving it into my mouth .

I chew slowly , ignoring the bile forming in my throat and swallow . I heave out a soft sigh before repeating the same motion , but this time cutting off a bigger piece , not wanting it to seem odd for only cutting of minuscule pieces .

I set the fork and knife down , gazing up at Riven , who is now leaned back in his chair with folded arms across his chest , his eyes narrowed into slits and his tongue pressing into his cheek . He watches me warily , causing me to squirm in my seat , I nervously fidget with the hem of my shirt .

"You don't like pancakes ?" He asks after a moment .

I clear my throat , looking back down to my barely touched pancakes . "I do , I'm just full from breakfast ." I lie , chewing on my lower lip nervously. I hear him hum , feeling relieved that he doesn't ask any more questions that might lead to a conversation I don't want to have , more so a conversation I want to have with him .

He runs his fingers through his hair , the rings on his fingers slightly glistening in the light and I can't help but stare at the silver rings hugging his middlefinger , thumb and forefinger . "You ready to go ?" He asks , gesturing toward my food and milkshake . I press my lips into a thin line , feeling disappointed in myself for not even being able to eat more than two bites and not even touching my milkshake , but I push it aside and jerk my head into a small nod . I feel vulnerable , I hate it .

He stands up from his chair and pushes it in before striding off toward the counter , with me following behind him . I pull out my phone , retreating the hundred dollar bill from inside my phone cover and before I can hand it over to Mrs. West , Riven pushes away my hand and places the exact amount of money for our food down on the counter with a tip .

I narrow my eyes up at him. "I can pay for myself ." I say through gritted teeth , but he doesn't even so much as glance down at me. "I know you can ." he replies curtly , nodding his head in greeting at Mrs. West . Turning , he makes his way toward the entrance , glancing over his shoulder at me . "Are you coming ?" he asks , raising his eyebrows .

I clench my jaw , averting my eyes to Mrs.West . "Goodbye , Mrs.West . Have a nice day ." I smile , she sends me a wink before making me promise to come see her more often . Sliding into the passenger seat of Riven's sleek Audi , I click in my seatbelt , keeping my eyes focused in front of me when he starts the ignition and races of toward my apartment .

I occasionally feel his eyes flick to me , but I don't dare take my eyes off the road ahead . The awkward tension roaming the car feels horrid but I'm not brave enough to break the ice and start up a conversation . It's not even as if I want to have a conversation with the man seated next to me. I despise him , he's bad news and also the person I hate being around. When the car comes to a stop, I startle, snapping out of my thoughts and glance up to see we've reached my apartment.

I look over at Riven and lock eyes with him , a stubborn lock hangs on his forehead and my hands itch to run my fingers through his raven strands . I breath out a heavy sigh and avert my eyes , searching for the handle and before opening I mutter a soft 'thank you' , watching his head jerk in a curt nod before he turns his attention back in front of him .

I slide out of the car , closing the car door behind me before walking up the stairs , not once glancing behind me to see if his car is still parked or if he's already raced off . I enter the apartment , shrugging off my jacket , I close the door behind me before striding toward my room .

"Rain !" I startle , spinning around on my heel . Alison stands behind me with bags of chips and various snacks cradled in her arms. She smiles meekly at me . "Wanna watch movies with us ?" She asks , a small smile pulling at my lips as I nod .

--

When I reach my room , I pull out my phone and upon unlocking it , my eyes widen when I see two missed calls from Everly .

I briefly close the door behind me , pacing up and down , anxiety clogging my throat . She doesn't answer and I try calling Mrs. Dean but to no avail. I try Everly again , listening to the ringing while I'm seconds away from bursting out in tears . My breathing becomes shallow as I start pacing faster back and forth in my room .

"Pick up , Everly ," I mutter , clutching the phone in my shaky hands . "Pick up." The call goes straight to voicemail , setting off alarms in my mind . What if something is wrong ? What if my parents are at it again ?

I run my fingers through my hair , Everly never calls this late . She's usually asleep this time due to her needing to get up early for school . Something must've happened for her to call me this late at night. My breath hitches in my throat when I see Everly's name pop up on my phone and I immediately answer , pressing the phone to my ear .

"Everly ?" My voice comes out panicked . "What's wrong ? Are you alright?" I rush out , squeezing my eyes as I await for her crying. I listen intently, waiting to hear the shouts and insults to come from the background.

But it doesn't.

"Everything is fine , Rainy . Why do you sound so anxious? Did something happen to you?" She asks , but all I can think about is the pure relief flowing through my body . My shoulders sag and my breathing slows down momentarily . I sigh out a heavy breath , running my hand over my face . "No no , everything is alright . Why did you call , bambi ?" I ask , sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"I'm sorry it must've been a mistake ." She informs . "It's alright, Everly . Were you sleeping ?" I ask , placing my hand over my heart .

"Yeah and I'd like to get back to that now ." I hear her yawn and a small smile creeps up my face . She's safe , nothing happened , everything is okay. The beating of my heart slows down. "Alright , love you . Goodnight ." I hang up and stand up from my bed .

I can still feel the anxiety lingering and my mind still pouring with past memories that I wish I was brave enough to let go of. The hiding , the insults, the screaming , the threats and the panic attacks I'm yet to release myself of .

It feels like a dark cloud looming over me , never fully disappearing and it's really tiring . I hate that my heart still rages every time my sister , Everly , or Mrs. Dean , calls me . There's always a possibility that my mom and her husband could fall back into old habits and this time around me and Elijah won't be able to protect our little sister .

I know she's strong enough to protect herself and I know she would call straight away if something is to happen , but the little voice in the back of my head still reminds me of the time I couldn't reach for my phone quick enough to call my older sister , Haven .

My mind still reminds me of the times I felt like me calling Haven was a burden on her . Maybe Everly feels that way too ? Maybe when something happens again , she won't call because she'd think she's a burden , just like I felt when I called Haven each time. This thought consumes me and I start pacing in my room . I don't want my sister to feel that way , I don't want her to think she can't call me or Elijah because it'd be a burden on us.

Elijah and I would always protect her , I'd always be there to help because I don't want her to go through the things we used to .

I sink down on my bed as the most horrid memory floods my mind .

I'm waken up by the sounds of glass breaking , thunderous shouts ringing through the house and my mother's shrill yelps coming from down stairs. "It's your f*****g fault , Annmarie !" James yells from downstairs and I shoot up straight , slipping off my bed and dart out of my room .

I tiptoe to my brother and sister's room , trying my best to not make any sounds so they don't notice me . 'please don't see me'. I pray, repeatedly.

But my prayers falls on a deaf ear when James's head snaps up toward me and I whimper , tears welling up in my eyes when I see the anger floating in his . He clenches his jaw and my eyes avert to my mom who is standing beside him with the same anger etched on her face , with a hint of sympathy— but I don't look long enough to see if that's really the emotion spread on her face.

"You !" James roars , narrowing his eyes into slits and I startle.

I sprint to my brother and sister's door , exploding into their room . I run to Elijah , gently shaking him awake and when he slowly opens his eyes , I go to Everly next . When they're awake they sit up straight in their bed's and look at me with wide eyes .

"Rain , what's wrong ?" My little sister mumbles , bringing her small little fingers to my tear-stained face. I muster up a small smile and shake my head. "Nothing is wrong , Ever . I just need you guys to play that game again." I say , my voice shaky and I wipe the tears from my face as my gaze flicks between them.

"Where we hide and you come look for us ?" Everly asks , her face lifting up into a small smile . "It's called hide and seek , Everly ." Eli rolls his eyes. "Why , do I look like a toddler to you ? You're only a few months older than me , I don't want to play this stupid f*****g game." Elijah mumbles , his eyebrows furrowing . Even though I'm only ten months older than him , I don't want him to get hurt. "I know , Eli . I just need you to look after , Ever ," I smile , knowing he feels offended. "Everything's okay , just go with her , Elijah."

"Can we go now ?" Ever asks , yawning as she rubs the sleep from her eyes. "Yeah , go now . You guys have to hide together. Don't come out unless I find you , okay ?" I say slowly , watching Ever's head jerk into a nod and Eli roll his eyes with a scoff .

"We know , Rainy . We always play this ." Ever mutters and I nod , placing a soft kiss on her head before I stand up and walk out their door , closing it behind me . I slowly walk back to my room with wide eyes , fear blooming in my chest .

"There you f*****g are." James sneers , grabbing my arm in his firm grip .

A sob rips from my throat at the memory , bringing back anger and sorrow . I would always try and protect my siblings from harm , even if that harm is our mother. I wipe my eyes angrily , feeling pathetic for crying over the past. My mom has promised to never be that way again , or treat us that way , but it's hard to trust her when she's only ever broken all her promises.

I stand up from my bed , walking toward the bathroom where I strip out of my clothes and step into the shower , wishing the wretched memories could flow down the drain with the water. I lean my head against the cold tiles , closing my eyes as the water runs down my back. I don't know for how long I just stand there with my eyes closed but when I decide to climb out my hands are wrinkly. I wrap the towel around me and pick up my clothes before padding back into my roo . Pulling a large T-shirt with grey sweatpants on , I make my way to my bed and climb in under the duvet.

I'll always be there for Everly , always.