Between Hate and Love

Chapter 20

Bakit ba lagi ko na lang siyang nakikita sa bar?

He was looking at me with a creased forehead and a mad expression.

Lagi na lang siyang galit.

“Why are you here?” tanong ko. He did not say anything, but he pulled me outside the bar. He was more drunk than I was. Suot niya ang polo niyang puti, gusot ito at may tapon ng alak. He looked lost, but when he found me, he immediately dragged me out of the place.

Hindi diretso ang lakad niya pero mahigpit ang hawak niya sa kamay ko. Kanina pa siya nagsasabi na umuwi na kami at paulit-ulit niyang sinasambit iyon. Para siyang bata na nag-aamok at gustong umuwi dahil hindi binilhan ng magulang niya ng ice cream.

I tried to get away from his grasp but he was strong. “You’re hurting me!” I shouted, loud for him to let me go.

He looked sorry now, and there was worriedness in his eyes. He looked at my now red wrist and apologized.

“Please, let’s go home. Please,” sambit niya nang paulit-ulit at saka siya humingi ng paumanhin.

I was wondering what happened to him. So I tried to snap him back in reality by tapping his cheeks a few times.

“What’s happening Khal?”

Khal looked so frustrated. He sat at the gutter and covered his face. “I’m just… I’m just tired. Please, let us go home? I don’t want to go home in the house alone… Dad’s not there, and so is Mom. They are gone and I’m scared to face that they are gone.. And that you’re gone too. Or if you like, let’s talk right now. Tell me the truth… the whole truth,” pagpupumilit niya.

Khal was clearly out of his mind. He reeks of cigar and alcohol, and there was no way he would plead to me like this when he wasn’t drunk.

I was shocked by his words so I immediately checked my phone and realized that today was his father’s death. That was why Hendrix told: “Unless it’s twenty third of October today. He’s probably outside.”

“No, let’s not talk about that right now. You’re drunk and I am tipsy.”

I helped him get up and guided him towards his car. Naglakad kami sa parking lot nang gumegewang. Panay ang sambit niya sa pangalan ng ama niya at paghingi ng paumanhin sa akin. Then, I heard him asking why I left him. Pero hindi iyon ang tamang oras para sabihin sa kanya ang lahat.

We finally found his car. He gave me his car keys and I quickly helped him to get on the shotgun seat. Mas malaki at mas mabigat siya kumpara sa akin kaya naman hirap na hirap ako. I squeezed him inside hanggang makaupo siya nang maayos bago ako lumipat sa driver’s seat.

Before leaving, I messaged Venera and Hendrix about Khal and that I have to bring him home.

Then it struck me.

I didn’t know where Khal’s house was!

“Khal, what’s your address?” I tried to ask him. I tapped his thigh a few times, but he wasn’t responding. His eyes was closed and his lips was a bit opened, muttering words I could not even hear.

Without a choice, I began driving towards my home. I asked him a few times before deciding to drive to my home, but he really wasn’t responding. He held his head and fell asleep.

When we reached my home, I woke Khal up.

“We’re here.”

Khal’s eyes were half-closed. Parang wala pa rin siya sa sarili niya.

I helped him to get off the car and until we reached my room. Inihiga ko siya sa kama. Dahil sa bigat niya ay muntik pa siya’ng mauntog sa headboard. I was struggling while he kept groaning. Medyo nagsisisi ako na hindi ko sinama sina Venera at Hendrix, but the two were having so much fun at the bar, I couldn’t spoil that for them.

Nang makahiga na nang maayos si Khal ay kumuha ako ng towel at planggana para sana hilamusan siya. But when I came back to the room, he was already vomiting on the floor.

“Khal!” I quickly ran so he could use the basin instead of throwing up on the floor.

I caressed Khal’s back and brought him a glass of water. I used the towel to wipe his face.

“Do you think you can get up and shower?” I asked. Tapos narealize ko na ang tanga nu’ng tanong ko dahil lasing nga siya at hindi makakilos nang matino.

So to be ready with more vomits to come, I removed my jewelry and my boots. I cleaned up the mess he made as he was laying down on the bed, still muttering some words I couldn’t hear clearly.

Parang dati lang siya ang nag-aasikaso sa akin sa tuwing nalalasing ako.

I have never handled Khal before. Umiinom siya at nahihilo, pero hindi pa siya nalasing nang gaya nito. Ngayon ko lang siya nakita na hindi maasikaso ang sarili niya.

After cleaning up the floor, I changed the sheets. Natumba ako nang ilang beses dahil hindi ko mahila ‘yung sheet na hinihigaan ni Khal. It had vomits too, so I had to clean it up. After probably an hour of suffering, I was able to change the beddings, change my clothes, and clean up the floor.

I had one last thing to do—ang bihisan si Khal.

I took another towel and a basin filled with water.

I was standing right at the side of the bed, looking at Khal. Finally, he was sleeping peacefully!

“Ang cute mo. Pero nakakainis ka. Tinanggap mo ako sa kumpanya mo tapos may pa-forget what you know about me ka na nalalaman?” pagkausap ko sa kanya.

Tinanggal ko ang butones ng long sleeved polo na suot niya.

Damn. He was gorgeous.

Kung alam niya lang kung gaano karumi ang isip ko, siguro ay bumangon na siya at kaagad na umalis.

I tried to focus with what I was doing and cleared my thoughts. Pinunasan ko siya at saka siya pinatungan ng dalawang kumot para hindi siya lamigin. Hindi ko na pinakialaman ang pants niya. I just removed his shoes and socks so he would be comfortable.

“I miss you,” I said as I stared at him. Para siguro ako’ng tanga dahil nakatitig lamang ako sa mga mata niya na nakapikit.

“I miss kissing you. I miss everything about you. I miss having coffee with you. If only I wasn’t dumb back then, edi sana tayo pa rin hanggang ngayon,” panghihinayang ko.

I traced his eyes, slowly, so I would not wake him up. His facial hairs were a bit longer. Mukhang hindi pa siya nagpapatrim. His lips were as red as I could remember them. I got tempted to kiss him but I stopped myself. Alam ko’ng hindi tama ‘yon.

But he was asleep and he might not remember anything tomorrow.

I counted ten seconds hanggang sa hindi ko na kaya.

I shut my eyes closed and peck on his lips. I locked our lips for a few seconds, feeling how good it was to have his lips against mine, before I moved away.

My heart was beating so fast. Glady, he was still asleep.