"Sometimes I feel like my brain has become nothing more than an overstuffed spiral notebook full of negatives, printed at will in a disorganized flurry by the slightest provocation.”
Deborah Copaken
It was true. I wasn't ready to let him go, didn't want him to go and I didn't feel safe. I went into the living room and put on my mix of romantic songs. I poured a glass of diet soda and went outside for a cigarette.
It was like a dream, this new reality of mine. It was horrible, orgasmic, funny, and frightening. If there was a Hell, it was simmering and waiting for me. There was no way on Earth I could get away with this for long. I decided to enjoy it while it lasted because the pain would come no matter what. It always did.
Colin and Evan came out to smoke with me. "You look downright
