Edge of Emotion

Chapter 8 : The High and Lows

Lydia started the day with a cautious optimism. The conversation with Claire had lightened her load, even if just for a little while. And despite the challenges at work, she was determined to approach the day with a fresh perspective. She couldn’t control everything, but maybe she could control her reactions.

As she stepped into the office, she was greeted by the familiar hum of activity. Her colleagues moved around, engaged in their tasks, unaware of the mental gymnastics Lydia was performing just to hold it together. She took a deep breath and sat at her desk, her hands already trembling as she logged into her computer.

Her inbox was flooded with messages, but one email stood out—a message from her boss, Ms. Tan, requesting an urgent meeting. Lydia’s stomach flipped. Urgent meetings never meant good news, she thought. Her heart started to race, but she quickly opened her mindfulness app, determined to keep her anxiety at bay.

Inhale one, exhale two, hold three…

But the calm refused to come.

In Ms. Tan’s office, Lydia tried to mask her unease. Ms. Tan, a sharp-eyed woman in her early forties, looked up from her desk and gestured for Lydia to sit.

“Lydia, thank you for coming in. I wanted to check in with you about the progress on the research report,” she began, her tone measured but firm. “I’ve noticed you’ve been a little behind on the timeline, and I’m concerned.”

Lydia felt her throat tighten. She’d been dreading this conversation. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been struggling to keep up, but I’m working on it. I’ll have it done soon.”

Ms. Tan studied her for a moment. “I understand that things get overwhelming sometimes, but we have deadlines to meet, and the team is relying on you. Is there anything going on that’s affecting your performance?”

The question caught Lydia off guard. Was this her chance to open up about what she was dealing with? The thought of being honest about her mental health made her stomach churn with fear. What if Ms. Tan didn’t understand? What if it made things worse?

“I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately,” Lydia said, choosing her words carefully. “But I’m working on managing it better. I’ll make sure the report is done on time.”

Ms. Tan gave her a long look, and for a moment, Lydia thought she might press further. But instead, she nodded. “Okay. I appreciate you addressing this. Just know that if you need support, you can come to me.”

Lydia forced a smile. “Thank you, I will.”

As she left the office, the knot in her chest remained. The encounter with Ms. Tan, though not as bad as she’d feared, still left her shaken. She had dodged a bullet, but for how long?

Lydia returned to her desk, but before she could even catch her breath, a message popped up from Adam: “Hey, just checking in. How’s your day going?”

She stared at the message for a moment, her fingers hovering over the keyboard. She wanted to tell him the truth, to pour out all the frustration, fear, and exhaustion she was feeling. But at the same time, she didn’t want to bring him down. Not today.

“It’s okay, just busy,” she typed back.

The reply felt like a lie, but it was easier than explaining the turmoil in her head. A few minutes later, Adam sent another message: “Let’s grab dinner later. I miss you.”

Her heart softened at his words. She hadn’t seen him in a couple of days, and the idea of spending time with him sounded like the break she desperately needed.

That evening, they met at a quiet little restaurant near Adam’s apartment. The dim lighting and soft music provided a soothing contrast to the chaos in Lydia’s mind. As they sat across from each other, Adam reached for her hand, his touch warm and reassuring.

“You seem distracted,” Adam said gently. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Lydia looked at him, the urge to be honest tugging at her. She didn’t want to keep hiding behind half-truths. Adam had been so patient with her, and she owed him her honesty.

“I had a rough day,” Lydia admitted. “I had a meeting with my boss, and it was… hard. I keep feeling like I’m falling behind, and I’m scared I’m going to mess everything up.”

Adam’s brow furrowed with concern. “I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. But you’re not messing anything up, Lydia. You’re just going through a tough time.”

“I know, but it’s hard to shake that feeling,” she said, her voice shaky. “It’s like no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep up. And I’m worried that if I tell them what’s really going on with me, they won’t understand.”

Adam squeezed her hand, his eyes filled with empathy. “You don’t have to go through this alone. You’ve got people who care about you—me, Claire, your therapist. You’re allowed to ask for help.”

Lydia bit her lip, her emotions swirling. “I know. It’s just hard. I don’t want people to see me as weak.”

“You’re not weak,” Adam said firmly. “You’re strong for even acknowledging what you’re going through. Most people would just bury it and pretend everything’s fine.”

Lydia felt a lump in her throat. “I don’t feel strong.”

“You are,” Adam insisted. “And even if you don’t believe it right now, I’m going to keep reminding you.”

His words, though comforting, made Lydia feel vulnerable. She was so used to hiding her struggles that being seen, truly seen, felt terrifying. But as they sat there, hand in hand, she realized that maybe she didn’t have to carry the weight alone.

The next day, Lydia had a therapy session with Dr. Low. As she sat in the familiar office, she found herself recounting the conversation she’d had with Adam the previous night.

“I’m trying to be more open with him,” Lydia explained. “But it’s hard. I’m so used to keeping everything inside.”

Dr. Low nodded. “It’s a big step to open up, especially when you’re used to hiding your feelings. But it sounds like Adam is supportive.”

“He is,” Lydia admitted. “I just don’t want to overwhelm him. Or anyone, really.”

Dr. Low leaned forward slightly, her tone gentle. “You’re not responsible for managing how other people feel, Lydia. It’s okay to let others in, to let them support you. You don’t have to carry everything by yourself.”

Lydia sighed. “I know. It’s just… a habit. I’m trying to break it, but it’s hard.”

Dr. Low smiled softly. “Habits take time to change. But you’re making progress, and that’s what matters. Don’t be afraid to take it one day at a time.”

Lydia left the session feeling a little more hopeful, though the weight of her struggles still lingered. She wasn’t sure what the next day would bring, but for now, she was trying—trying to be more open, trying to ask for help, and trying to believe that she didn’t have to face everything alone.

As she walked back to her apartment, the familiar streets of Singapore buzzing with life around her, Lydia felt a flicker of resolve. The journey was far from over, but maybe, just maybe, she could make it through one step at a time.