Idolzoned

Chapter 17

+ nara.

it's five am and jeongguk finally hung up the call.

sighing, i placed my phone on my nightstand and plopped into my bed comfortably, hugging my pillow as i leaned against the headboard. staring out to the window just to witness the sun was slowly rising. times i spent with jeongguk leapt in an absurd speed; it was really fast, or at least that was what i felt.

one would not miss something they do not have. that was a thought that i planted inside my head, to prevent myself from breaking all over again. it's better for me to have nothing at the beginning rather than hurting alone in the end just because that something gone.

i was afraid to be hurt. i did not want to carve more scars. i hated my weak being, but that's something i could not change; despite the quotes i've read, the inspirational and encouraging words motivators gave on television. everything could not change me.

i was the type to seal my feelings away, burying it deep down within my heart.

and that did not exclude the feelings i felt toward jeon jeongguk.

it started from a mere fan ╴idol adoration, then it developed into something more; it grew into a new stage.

i loved him. not admire, but love. love as in i want to be his girlfriend, to be the love of his life, to be together with him forever. every inch of his body, every hair strands, every flaws he may have as a human did not change my feelings for him.

i realized, i was just a fan in his eyes. i could not be together with him. heck, he would not even notice me. he would not even see me.

he was my whole universe, and i was just a tiny dot in a night sky in his eyes.

the truth did hurt me a lot. ever since then, i tried my best to lock my feelings away.

but then he came all so suddenly, just like a thunderstorm that made the lock in my heart cracks with each and every acts he did. with the 'i love you' and 'you're cute' he had told me. jeon jeongguk said he loved me, asking me to be his girl. it all happened just like what i wanted. my dreams were coming true.

but no, i could not fall in love with jeongguk again. studying and becoming a doctor were my priorities as for now. i don't want to stick with my parents for any longer.

however, remembering the cute words, the loving voice calling my name really drove me crazy.

relationship was not something i saw in my list.

but why am i doubting myself now?