✔ Scars. (Book One) ✔

Chapter Six

We entered the shop. Aaron ran over to the trolley's and got the biggest one he could find. I walked over with Tom and picked up a basket. He raised his eyebrows at me.

'What?, I have something's to get too, You know' And with that, I walked away. Tom went over and helped Aaron with the beer.

I went and got some stuff for myself, Bodyspray and stuff like that and walked back up the aisle but something made me stop. I remembered the last time I was looking at these......

Pregnancy tests.

********FLASH BACK**********

'Are you sure?' James asked for the 100th time in the space of ten minutes.

'No...I said it as a joke.' I replied, A little harshly. I didn't mean to but, James was starting to annoy me.

'But, how can you be pregnant? We haven't even had sex...You haven't cheated have you?' He asked me quickly but seriously. My mouth hung open. How could he even think that?

'How could you even ask me they?' I could feel the tears in my eyes building up. So, I looked away from his stare and walked over to the bed. We were at yet another hotel, But this one was nice and had a homey feel to it.

James came over and sat next to me, He put his arm over my shoulders.

'It's okay, Everything is going to be okay' He said. I still refused to look at him so I kept my eyes down on the floor.

'James, I never said I was pregnant, I said I might be. There's a difference'.

'Well.....Why do you think that?' He asked. He was kinda interested in the conversation now.

'Because...' I started. I looked down at my fingers entwining them with each other. '......Because I haven't got my......My period this month.' I said a bit embarrassed. I hate talking to James about stuff like that.

'Oh....' Was all he said. '.......How late are you....?'

'A couple of weeks' I felt a tear overflow my eyes. James whipped it away with his finger.

'I still don't understand though...How...?' He asked.

'Well...I looked it up and.....Do you remember last month...When we were in that hot tub at that snow retreat...In Finland....' I blushed and smiled at the memory. (That was when I flew out to see them. I told my mom and dad I was staying at Abi's house for a couple of days while her parents and sister were out of town, To keep her company. They were out of town so I invited her to come with me. The guys didn't mind. That was the first time she ever official met James as my boyfriend.)

'Yes I do' He said, Smiling. He sounded all too cocky.

'Well...Apparently, the water temperature was just right for...You know....' I looked at him and nodded downwards. Before continuing. '....Them...To swim....'

'Well...Let's go get a test.' He said. getting up he walked over to the nightstand and grabbed his keys. He realised I hadn't moved from where I was sitting on the bed. He walked over to me and held out his hand. I looked up at him. he smiled a little at me. I took his hand and we walked out of the hotel room, Down to the car park and drove to the nearest pharmacy. Buying a test and headed back to the hotel. During which, Me and James never spoke, Once. I decided to break the silence as we entered our room and headed towards the bedroom.

'What if I am?' I said so quietly, It was a whisper.

'I don't know' With that, He handed me the test and I walked away to the bathroom. I did what I had to and walked back out to James, test in hand. He was sat at the end of the bed. As soon as I sat down, He looked at me.

'If you are.....' He trailed off. I looked at him and reached out for his hand, Which was resting on his knee, He took it and continued, '.....If you are pregnant, I'm going to be there for you, For all the doctor's appointments, The morning sickness, The labour, Everything.....If you decide to keep it that is'.

I looked up at him, Confused.

'Um...Why wouldn't I keep the baby? If I decide I don't want it, Then I will put it up for adoption when it's born. I would never have an abortion. It's murder.' I snapped.

'Sorry, I don't mean to....' I cut him off with my finger.

'How long do these things take anyway?' He asked

'Ummmm......' I looked at the box, '....5 minutes.'

'Oh, Ok....' We sat in silence till it was time. I picked up the test and looked at it.

'James....I'm....I'm.....'

**************END OF FLASH BACK***************

I was pulled out of the flashback by Tom shouting my name.

'What?' I asked walking out of THAT aisle. Hoping Tom never saw me staring at the pregnancy test.

'What do you want to drink' He asked. Yes. He either never saw me or thought nothing of it. I let out a relieved sigh.

'Oh..Um...I can't drink...Not legal...Remember' I said.

'So......Come on, What do you want?'

'Whatever, I don't mind. But can we get some coke too, Plzzzzzzzz' I asked like a child.

'Sure babe' We walked out of the beer aisle and headed to the soda and sweet aisle. we got a ton of junk food and 3 big bottles of coke for me, Before heading to the checkout. All together the guys bought;

2 24 Crates of Bud.

3 Bottles of pure Vodka.

2 Bottles of Smirnoff Ice.

5 Bottles of Jack...

... and a lot more. We also got lots of munch and stuff.

We piled the shopping into Tom's boot and got in, To my surprise, Tom got in the back with me, While Aaron drove up front.

'So.....' Tom said, Turning on his side to look at me.

'What?' I asked, Confused.

'Why were you looking at pregnancy tests?' s**t. He did see me. Aaron and Tom looked at me.

'No reason' I said, A little too quickly. I turned and looked out of the window.

'Are you pregnant?' Aaron asked.

'No' I whispered. I was uncomfortable. I could hear the sadness in my own voice. Aaron had turned in his seat and was now looking at me. Tom never took his eyes off me. I was about to shout at Aaron When I realised we were on a red light.

'But...I was' I said, Whispering again. But with the sadness in my voice, I also heard my voice breaking. And I felt a tear roll down my face.

'What, How?' Aaron asked.

'We were stupid enough to mess around in a hot tub.....' I trailed off, To embarrassed to go in to further detail.

'What happened' Tom asked, Still looking at me, Aaron had his focus back on the road but was still listening to the conversation. 'You don't have to tell us, If you don't want to, We'll understand'.

I shook my head. 'No...It's ok...Ummmmm....' I paused, Tears rolled down my face, Tom whipped them away with one of his fingers. I sighed and went back to tell them what happened. '....A couple of weeks ago, I had a...A miscarriage.....I umm....fell on my stomach, Really hard and I lost the baby.' I lied. I'm sure you can guess what really happened. I told you what James was like when he drinks. Well, A couple of weeks ago, I learnt just how pissed and angry he can get when he's drunk.

'Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Babe.' Tom leaned across and pulled me into a hug. I buried my face into his shoulder and began to violently cry as the memory of the night came flooding back. My tears soaked his shirt but he didn't seem to care. He just held me tighter and waited for me to get it out of my system. Aaron sat in the front, Watching us in the mirror. A pain looks on his face, I could see he felt so helpless.

Before I knew it, We were back at the hotel car park. We got out and walked to the boot. We all grabbed bags, But the guys grabbed a crate each too. As we walked into the hotel, The reception desk was empty, We headed over to the elevator and went up to our floor. We walked over to the door. The guys waited for me to open the door but before I could get my keys out, Someone opened it for us. When I looked up to thank whoever it was, I almost fainted. There standing in my hotel room, Holding the door open for us like a perfect gentleman was.....Paul Nero!!!!.

We all walked into the suite. I put the shopping down as Aaron and Tom did the same. I found my bags of shopping and walked back to my bedroom. I closed the door behind me and sat on the bed. The party had already started by the time we had got back to the room, So Aaron and Tom wasted no time joining into the fun.

I sat there on the bed, For some reason, My hand went down to my stomach, Patting it gently, I don't know why though, What was once there, Now was not. I know what your thinking, Why on earth would I stay with him after that, Well...I really really do love him. You probably think it's stupid but when you love someone so much that you're willing to forgive them for something so barbaric as that, You'll understand. I was months gone if you were wondering and no...There were no questions asked about it Because no one except me and James knew. Not his band or mine, Not even Abi knew anything. When he found out what he had done.....Let's just say he got very upset and angry. Angry at himself for what he did to me and sad about it. I ended up comforting him and telling him it was ok and everything was going to be fine. He hasn't laid a finger on me since.

We had been back at the hotel for an hour now. And I still haven't come out of my room. Then I realised it. It was quiet, Too quiet. For a hotel room full of crazy, Partly drunk rockstars it was far to quiet. Wait a minute, Their defiantly up to something.....Just as hat thought past through my mind, The door banged open, It least 6 of them, Including Paul, Aaron, Tom, Joey, Mo, and Benny burst into my room and grabbed me by my legs and arms and carried me out to the party.