Her thoughts

2

As I watch them together a war erupts within me. 

The tears rushing out of my eyes remind me that I am a human and not some monster that everyone claimed me to be. I’ve always wanted this confirmation, but not in this way. I didn’t want my heart to be shattered so violently. I didn’t want their words to be true. I didn’t want my demons to overpower me. I’ve tried so hard to hold them back, I’ve pleaded, I’ve accepted being held down against my will, I’ve quieted their whispers, I’ve adapted to their constant abuse, because of you.

You were my hope. You were my light. You were the love of my life. When you were around all my pain disappeared as if it never existed. When you were around all I ever felt was happiness. When you were around I felt like I could relax. Like I could be my true self. Something that was a luxury for me. So I beg of you, please, come to me. Please, don’t walk away. Please, don’t let me fall into the abyss. 

But as I watch you with them, I realize my words were only falling to deaf ears.

I feel my knees hit the floor. Everything becomes silent. My throat hurts from the pain. I pull at my hair, dig at my chest with the hopes of ripping my heart out but to no avail. You turn around and notice me. But it’s too late. I’ve already fallen. I’ve broken and my worst fear has come true.

-My Thoughts-