THE BLUE RAINBOW

Chapter 1

A/N

Hey guys, I promise that this book is worth your time. please do vote and share it. Okay, I'm just going to keep it brief but the important message that I want to deliver to all those who have been in a dark place, just like Leah, you are worth my time to write this because YOU matter. You are a lovely human being and YOU deserve the world. don't give up, fight for yourself, because YOU and only YOU can turn your life around. Love yourself.

CHAPTER 1

I watch the time ticking in front of me as I lay on my bed, awaiting the arrival of my mother to pick me up from my temporary placement.

although I must say, I have gotten quite used to the blue walls that adorn my room, with faded palm leaves, adorning the rustic wallpaper of the house. I had never once complained about the rustic walls, the wooden furniture or the robotic attendees who try to bring me out of my shell. But, I don't think anyone would ever understand. My mother certainly wouldn't and my absent father could not care less.

in order to distract me while waiting to be graced with my mother's presence, I get up from my creeky yet lightly creased bed and stare out of the window. There isn't a magnificent scenery as the window is barred. but there is a very large creeper bedecking a brick wall. I stare at the creeper and conjure little stories about how the creeper manages to survive on the brick wall, and how the rest died. It fills me up with soo much hope sometimes, that it consumes me.

My therapist says that filling myself with hope is a good thing, but I don't really know what is good anymore. Concocting, a million scenarios in my head, I am interrupted by a knock. It's firm. I don't really have to guess that it is Geraldine, one of the many attendees.

But she knows that she doesn't really require my permission to enter and makes her way in any way

"your mother is here. you are free to leave." she says, curtly and certainly not beating around the bush.

"Alright, thank you" I whisper out, refusing to face her. I might hate this place and the number of days that I spent here in isolation isn't any consolation, but I am still petrified of returning home to my highly dysfunctional family.

I close my eyes briefly, gasp for air in the process, inhaling as much as I can and slowly walk towards my mirror.

I can't help feeling blue, about myself as I stare at the intense grey eyes, surrounded by eye bags and my dimples that now refuse to show because I'm so afraid to be happy.

I tie my long chestnut hair into a high ponytail and exit the room, glancing at it one last time as I close the door.

i walk down the many stairs of the wooden, rustic house following Geraldine downstairs, while she drags my blue suitcases. I try to think of the lives of all the creepy people on the portraits that hang on the wall as we descend, anything to distract myself. I finally spot a tight knot of auburn hair and a short leather dress. I know its, my mother, immediately and my heart drops. It finally sinks in that I'm going home. I'd rather be classified a loonie than face the wrath of my family.

My mother inspects me as I stand behind Geraldine. she eyes me warily, up and down and turns her back against me, pulling on her shades.

"Get in the car," she says in a raspy yet firm voice. its good to know that she has not changed much. I grab my suitcase form, Geraldine, as I give her a quick hug. she might have been robotic and monotonous, but at least she cared. Okay maybe she was just doing her job, but she still, that doesn't change the fact that she did care a teensy little bit.

I inspect my mother as she walks on her tight nude dress and her very high heels as she parades away to our car.

figures, she did not even say hi. just maybe, a little part of me always thought that she would change and understand me once I am away for a while.

I sigh and fight off the stray tears beginning to consume me, as I slowly get in the car and watch myself go away from the Lewiston home, possibly towards a very dangerous place, adding to my miseries. sometimes I wonder, just how far I could run away from this " perfect little life" everyone seems to think I have. A rich father and a richer brother, doesn't mean anything to me. I just want someone to love me, and is it so wrong to crave for one person, to love me?

The car zooms past the countryside as it approaches my neighborhood. I watch my mother as she reapplies her scarlet red lipstick as the car comes to a halt outside our mansion. I stare at the house, as the nightmares start to kick in. I start feeling anxious and this feeling of being trapped starts to kick in, as flashes of screams and yelps for help haunt me. I gasp at the cement structure that lies in front of me and I can feel tears welling up in my eyes at the daunting nightmares. I feel so helpless and so trapped that I just want to run away from this place and never return. I never want to look back at my old life, never want to relive it, never want to relive it. But I don't know why I cannot. I stand rooted to my place as the front doors open. I stare, aghast and in pure agony as I watch the two scariest people walk out into the driveway.

"Leah. How are you?" rasps out my father, a man of few words in a midnight blue suit followed by Alex.

"Hello Leah, barks out my brother, in the most sardonic and chauvinistic way possible, sending shivers down my spine.

it all starts to come back to me again, the assault, the cutting, the skipping, and the overdose. I feel so helpless at the moment as I stare at the two men staring condescendingly at me.

"I.. I'm o... okay." I stutter out trying to stop myself from crying. "yeah, I'm okay, "I say a bit louder.

My mother finally breaks the incredibly tense environment as she proceeds to give my father a huge peck on his lips and says " She must be fine, after all the money we spent on her". I feel my heart shatter at the statement as I watch my mother scamper away in her tight little dress, into the mansion. I really do not know why my heart breaks every time, her words hurt me. Leah, you need to get used to this, I tell myself internally as I proceed to take my suitcase and wheel myself out of the presence of the two men.

As I walk in, I see from the corner of my eyes, Alex giving me a huge smirk. I shudder and walk inside, my heart breaking and shattering once again. no matter how much I try to run away, they always find me, always follow me. They never leave me alone. I swallow my tears as I climb up the many stairs leading up to my room.

I slowly walk into my room and shut the door, inspecting it. nothing has changed, except for me. I'm determined to run away or just succumb to my problems and end them once and for all. I'm so tempted to abide by the second option, but I force myself to think about other things, like what botox surgery would my mother get next.

I sit on my bed carefully lost in my thoughts as I hear the door open. I immediately feel chills down my spine as I hear the footsteps approaching me. I know by the long and powerful strides that it's my brother. I immediately freeze and start to think about ways to get out of the room, anything to get me as far away from the monster as possible.

"don't even think about it Leah" yells my brother as I immediately stand up and face the window. I feel so forlorn, and defenseless as he slowly walks up to me and grabs on to my wrist.

"don't you ever pull that s**t on me again, because I shall always find you" he growls out, intensifying his grip on my wrist.

I can already feel it throbbing as I choke back a sob and avoid eye contact. This is absolutely nothing compared to the everything else he had done in the past.

"Do you understand" he growls out.

I cower and refuse to look up at him and respond. my arm is starting to hurt very badly and I honestly want nothing more than to lie at my bed at the home safe and sound, staring at the rustic blue walls

" I said, do you understand" he yells out as he leaves my throbbing wrists and grips on to my chin lifting it up. " i ...... I .. um.." I try to stutter out, but words fail me as it consumed by so much fear, I lose all sense of rationality.

I instead, choose to look at my brown worn out boots as I suddenly feel a very painful impact on my cheek.

my brother hit me, once again. the cycle has started once again.

this time, I'm unable to stop my tears from flowing as I choke out a very quick yes and weep. I'm so afraid of the monster standing in front of me. I'm so afraid to be happy, I'm so afraid to lead a normal life because he always pulls me back.

"good" he whispers as he leans in closer towards my ears and I involuntarily take a step back, still in his forceful hold.

he lets out another smirk, eyeing me up and down before saying "at least you are not fat anymore" finally leaving the room.

I let out loud sobs as my knees buckle and I fall down on to the floor, crying my eyes out.

why did he have to be so violent, why did he have to crush my self-esteem and my self-confidence by bringing that up?

I continue to cry my eyes out as I wish so desperately for someone to take me away from this wretched place. take me away from all this earthly pain. away from this life.

I cry for hours and hours together, too afraid to fall asleep, aghast at the possibility of the worst. I stare at the plain white walls of my room as I hold on to my dress in fear and anxiety, unable to sleep even at the wee hours of the night. I'm so scared that the door is going to bust open any minute and my brother is going to walk in doing the unthinkable.

I'm barely on the surface right now as I watch the night sky adorning the sky. the darkness scares me. I'm so scared that one push later, I'm going to stumble upon the path of cowardice, running away once and for all from all earthly pleasures.

but maybe, it takes courage to do the unthinkable and great determination to carry forward with it. I have tried it before and I'm barely hanging by a thread.

I don't sleep through the darkness like the rest of the world. I look out for myself because sleeping is a luxury and a mistake I cannot afford. sleeping is for the privileged. sleeping means you are problem free and safe.

whereas I am anything but safe.