A World Unknown

Chapter 11 Why Does it Feel so Right?

As I walked into Mom's house, I saw my little Anna standing up at the coffee table next to her pappy. She got so excited to see me, her face lighting up as I entered. She started bouncing on her feet and cooing away. I wanted to pick her up immediately, but I decided to let her try to walk to me. She pushed away from the table and took two solid steps before falling on her bum. It made me so proud to see her growing so fast. I was hoping she would start saying "mom" or "momma," but she still hadn't; she just cooed and made noises. I swooped her up in my arms, giving her love and praise for her two steps.

Mom must have heard me talking to Anna because she walked in and the first thing she said was, "My gosh, Babydoo, you look like shit."

"Thanks, Mom. I know I probably do. I have hardly slept the last three days since you all went to the zoo," I responded with a sour look.

"Well, you think you would have had plenty of sleep since no one has been home."

I didn't tell her I stayed at SJ's last night or how, the morning she took Anna to the zoo, I had that horrible feeling someone was outside when I left for work.

"Well, Mom, I didn't even get a chance to tell you how the morning you went to the zoo, when I left for work early that morning, it felt like someone was outside watching me. At first, I thought because it was so early and a little rainy, it was my mind playing tricks on me, but it happened again the next day."

"Oh no, come on, there isn't anyone outside our house," my dad commented. "You must really just be overtired," Mom said.

"Like I said, if it had just happened that one time, I would have agreed. But when I got off work that day, since you guys were gone, I hung out with SJ and met a couple of his friends. We were drinking moonshine, so I ended up just staying there."

"You did what?" my dad said, cutting me off again.

"Dad, I'm not a little girl anymore, and I didn't do anything but sleep there. I didn't have to work, but I figured I'd come check the house out, shower, and wait for you guys to get back. But when I got in and checked the answering machine, my boss had called and needed someone to come in. And I'm not going to pass up some work since you weren't home. So I got ready to go in. As soon as I locked the door and pulled it shut, a wave of anxiety came over me, and I didn't think I would even make it to my car. I tried to get myself to look around so I would know nothing was there, but I started to have a panic attack when I was halfway to the car. I couldn't even get my keys out of my purse. I started to feel tears swell up, like that feeling was washing over me again. It froze me there," I whispered as my parents looked at me with worried faces.

"Babydoo, there's nothing out there, and I doubt anyone would want to sit out there to make you feel uncomfortable. It must just be because this is still all new to you," Mom said.

"I know, but I still stood there frozen, probably looking like an i***t, as I finally made myself look for my keys. Just as I got them out and was unlocking my door to get in, I heard a loud motor coming up the road. The sound of it gave me the ability to get into the car. It was just SJ coming to see if I wanted to hang out since he didn't know I was called in to work."

My dad chimed in again, "Well, good. Did you tell him you felt like that?"

"I didn't have to, Dad. I guess my face was white as a ghost, and I had tears in my eyes. He knew as soon as he saw me that something was wrong. When I told him, he automatically offered to look around to see if he noticed anything strange. He walked around the house and the buildings, a little bit along the edge of the woods, and never saw anything. He calmed me down just by talking to me. He offered for me to stay over since I told him you guys weren't going to be home until tomorrow. I had to work again this morning, and you know how it is when you get off so late—it's almost impossible to go home and go straight to sleep to be up again in six hours. I was actually hoping I could take a little nap since I wanted to hang out with him later and bring Anna with me to meet him."

My dad had a sour expression on his face. "Don't you think you're rushing a little, bringing Anna down there? I mean, you just met him."

"Well, maybe a little bit, Dad. But like I said, I wanted to take a nap first."

"Okay, I guess so. Anna was a little fussy; maybe she will take a nap with you."

"I am so tired, Dad. I don't think I'll be able to last long enough to put her in her bed."

Mom chimed in, "Go ahead. I'll check on you. If she's asleep, I'll put her in her bed for you."

"Thanks, Mom," I said, grabbing Anna's bottle off the coffee table and heading to our room. I knew I would be out fairly quickly, but I didn't expect Anna to beat me to it. I slowly picked her up and laid her in her crib. I peeked out the door and tried to get Mom's attention. "I laid her in her bed, Mom," I called out into the hallway. "Okay, babe," she said.

I shut my door quietly and flopped down in my bed. All of last night's memories came flooding back to me. I hoped I would pass out right away, but I just lay there with my body feeling heavy. I knew it was only 4 PM, but I was so tired. I closed the curtains and turned Anna's night light off, which made my room dark. I had forgotten how comfortable my memory foam mattress was. I knew I had my own little indent in it, seeing as how I had it for almost five years now. I didn't expect to replay all the movements I had made just the night prior in SJ's bed.

I lay there feeling paralyzed by my exhaustion, wondering if I shouldn't have moved so fast and realizing what the possible reaction might be when I went back to SJ's. Finally, my sleep overcame my worries as I slipped off into darkness without even dreaming. Why did it feel so right, as if he wanted me there as much as I wanted to be there wrapped in his arms? Even though I was sleeping in my bed, that was the last thing I thought of before I was out cold.