Amidst love and heartbreak

This is my happy song...

Eric’s POV

When I saw her face I felt like my world just shook and everything I knew so far was going to be different from now on. There was an expression on her face that I could not really pinpoint. I guess she was hurt and angry on the inside but why isn't she showing any of this. I don't understand. I turned my head to look at my little pumpkin, she was happy to see me and as soon as she could Emma detached herself from her mother and came to me jumping in my arms. My baby's hugs are always the best. 

I wanted to explain to myself why I was late for the appointment but as soon as I opened my mouth to speak, she told Emma that she had to go somewhere and left her with me. When she entered her car, her eyes told me everything I needed to know. I, on the other hand, was frozen, blocked. I don't know how to explain what kind of trance I was in. This is the first time in my life that I can't utter a word. How could I? She was right. This is not the first time I miss these appointments. Not the second either. It really looks like I don't care about this child when in reality I would give my life for any of them. All three of them. 

Khloe was my everything for as long as I remember. When she was pregnant with Emma, my life could not be better. I was obsessed with her safety and happiness. Now, though I always seem to get stuck in situations that would make me seem like I don't care.

The fact that Khloe is not trying to talk things through and always assume that I am trying to do things to sabotage her career is not helping either. For crying out loud, the other day when I had the meeting with the author she was trying to get, all I wanted to do was talk him through everything to make it easier for her when she finally arrived. It's not my fault that he wanted to work with me in the end. I guess I am the type of person he wanted to work with more than my wife. 

Suddenly, I get pulled out of my thoughts when Emma tugs at my shirt. 

"Daddy, I want to go to Burger King. Can we, please?" There was probably confusion showing in my face. I didn't really register what she was asking. "I am hungry now. Can we go there? Pretty please…" she made her signature puppy face. It was the face I never had the heart to say no. I just nodded because I still couldn't find my voice.

Throughout the lunch I was still in my silent state, only interacting with Emma when needed. She was playing with the toy that came with her happy meal and I decided to try to text Khloe. 

Eric: Hey. Are you ok? (13:11)

Eric: When will you be home? (13:12)

Eric: Emma had a happy meal and she seems happy. (13:13)

No text from her. Is she not checking her messages or just plain ignoring me? I am a little worried now. She has never done this before. What if she started crying after she left and driving in that state is very dangerous. She always cries. I better text her again.

Eric: Where are you? Please don’t drive when you are upset. We’ll be home in twenty. (13:20)

Still nothing from her. I don’t want to call her. I don’t want Emma to hear anything that’s going on.

“Pumpkin, we better go home now. Mummy should be home by now and we don’t want her to worry,” I said hoping to have said the truth about Khloe being home waiting for us.

“Yes, daddy. I want mummy to see my new toy,” she said in her usual happy self. 

We took a cab home and in less than half an hour we were unlocking the front door.

“Mummy, where are you? I have a new toy. Mummy?” he called out, but obviously, Khloe was not home. The disappointment in Emma's face was very evident. 

“Pumpkin, let’s change clothes first and find a game to play together. Mummy will probably be here soon,” I said trying to make her feel better.

“Ok, dad. Do you think mummy is upset with me?”

“Why do you think mummy is upset with you?”

“Because when we were watching baby brother on the tv I asked a lot of questions and mummy always says we have to wait for the doctor to say important things about the baby brother,” she seemed worried about this thing too much.

“No, sweetheart, she said she had to be somewhere and mummy never lies. She would never get upset with you because you want to know more of your baby brother,” I tried to reassure her. 

“Ok, daddy. I'll go change my clothes now. When I come back down, we will have a tea party,” I hid my face behind my palm as soon as she turned around. I was worried sick about Khloe and on top of that Emma wants me to join her in one of her ‘tea parties’. Couldn't we play Jenga or something?

Suddenly, I hear the front door unlock and then open. Khloe was finally home. She looked the same as she left. I still couldn’t pinpoint her mood. I know what she must be feeling, but I still can’t see any emotion on the outside, and that scares me the most.

I took a few steps towards her, but she turned away from me, taking off her jacket. She put her shoes in their place and left her bag at the entrance shelf, as usual. Everything seemed mechanical. There was nothing in her out of place, except for the fact that she was not in there. My Khloe was not in that empty body and that scared me the most. Did I do this or did anything happen with the baby? This was supposed to be the most important scan of them all. Was the baby ok? Another rush of fear came through me. What if..?

“Are you ok?” I asked in a low voice. She didn’t answer me so I tried again. “I sent you some texts. Did you check your phone?” still nothing. So she is giving me the silent treatment. I better start explaining myself before this gets any further. I know I disappointed her and I feel guilty enough, but I better set this straight as soon as possible.

“I know I should have been with you at the doctor but breakfast lasted more than I thought and this was the only time she could meet me…” I started explaining but she interrupted me.

“She?” he eyes wide with surprise and then angers rushed through her. “She?” she shouted this time. Khloe turned around and I knew I had screwed up big time. 

“Look, baby. I know how it looks but let me explain,” 

“Don’t ‘baby’ me. Is this why you have been avoiding the appointments?” she asked and I was so shocked that I couldn’t answer her.

“NO! God, no, baby. This is not what it looks like. That was just a meeting. Angela is just an author I am trying to get signed. She is old enough to be my mother. Please don’t make up stories in your mind,” I said, finally finding my words. 

She looked as if she calmed down only for a few seconds before her face went back to her expressionless one. She turned her back to me one more time and looking resigned, she sighed.

“I don’t know what’s worse,” she finally said but it was more a mumble than actual speech.

“Huh?” I was confused.

“I don’t know if I should feel relieved that it’s not another woman or feel bad that it’s work one more time,” 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that since that damn promotion came around all you've been doing is work, work, work,” she raised her voice. “All you know these days is get new authors, push more the ones on your list and whatnot. I get it. You want that damn promotion,”

Anger started to rise inside me as well. She is being ridiculous now. 

“What’s wrong with being ambitious, Khloe. Enlighten me, darling,” I said sarcastically.

“Let me tell you what’s wrong. The fact that to achieve that you are willing to take my authors,” This again. “The fact that to achieve that you forget about your own family and nothing else is more important than work,”

“I am doing this for the family as well,” I raised my voice now.

“Even sabotaging your own wife? Even that is part of ‘doing it for the family’?”

“Sabotage? That was a coincidence and you know it well,”

“Is that what you call it these days? And that ‘coincidence’ kind of happened for three times in a row only this month,” yeah that was me. But I swear I didn’t do it on purpose. Maybe my persuasive ways were what these people needed. I couldn’t respond to that and she seemed to be thinking about something until her eyes went wide once more in what seemed like a realization.

“Did you do it on purpose?” she suddenly asked.

“Do what?”

“Did you or did you not get me pregnant on purpose?” about five months ago she realised she was pregnant even though we had been careful. What she didn’t know is that I wanted another child and I had managed not to be that careful in our steamy sessions for at least a couple of months. When I didn’t respond tears came out of her eyes and her head went down. She walked to the kitchen and came back with a bottle of water in her hand still drinking from it. When she was done, her eyes met mine and that emotionless face was there one more time. I hate when I can’t get a clue from her expressions.

“I want the divorce,” and this is why I hate it. What she just said left me in a state of shock but I had to pull myself together and try to make her change her mind.

“What are you talking about?”

“I am done with you. I am done with the promises. I am done with the lies and trying to see you on my side when you are clearly not. I am done,”

“We can’t have a divorce. This is not why I am doing it. Baby, please, try to understand. What about Emma?”

“She comes with me. You clearly are not able to keep up with anything else but your work these days. We are going to my mother’s for the moment,” she said and went up the stairs.

 I followed her upstairs. She can’t go. She can’t take my pumpkin away from me. And the baby is coming soon… she is being selfish. That’s what she is.

“You say that I am the one only thinking about my work, but what about you? Are you not sacrificing our family just because you are angry about some clients? You are not perfect either and let me tell you something I have been thinking about lately. You are the worst decision I made in my life,” I finally said but regretted the second the words left my mouth. I was hurt and I wanted to hurt her just as much. But I think I overdid it this time. All I could see in her face though was numbness. She didn’t react to anything I said but kept staring me in my eyes. She put her hand on her belly and rubbed it in a soothing way as if she was trying to calm the baby down and then turned and left me on top of the stairs.

“Good that we took this out of the way. See you for the paperwork,” she said and closed the door to our bedroom.

Emma’s POV

I heard mummy and daddy raise their voices one more time. They have been doing this for some time now and I don’t really understand why. Did baby brother do something wrong now? I heard them talk about him. Even though dad said mummy is not upset with me, I don’t believe it. She didn’t even call me for the kiss when she came home. 

I went on my bed and covered myself with the blanket trying not to hear what they said to each other. I better start singing. 

This is my happy song,

I want to sing it all day long.

I’ll teach you the words

And you can sing along

Why can’t I stop these tears?

Happy.happy.happy

I rub my face with my hand to take away the tears.

Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy...

But more and more come down…