Her Wolf (Book 1 of The Circle Series)

CHAPTER 2: ESPRESSO AND PILATES

GIADA

Jacqueline’s words echo in my mind at work the next day. My head pounds desperate for relief, a result of lack of sleep. I need some energy to teach my afternoon classes. Hopefully an espresso will help. 

Walking to the bakery nearby, I think about the time I’ve spent controlling and strengthening my powers and regulating my emotions. Witches need to train and practice using their powers. The same is required for creating potions and spells.

Exercising, eating well, meditating and therapy are all things I take seriously as well. I’m exceedingly dedicated to my well-being after being in a rough place for a while. 

Panic attacks and nightmares are a thing of the past now but the one thing I haven’t been able to get rid of is the way my mind replays events and conversations on a loop. It’s exhausting. 

“Why are you crying?” He’s angry again. Was it because of the baby? He won’t talk to me about it and I desperately want him to.  

“I … I was just thinking about Anessa. I can’t believe she’s gone.” I massage my temples while I sit on our bed.  

“You’re thinking about that slut? After everything she did to you?” he sounds repulsed.  

I wince at his words. He never used to speak harshly like that but lately, he’s become a lot more vulgar. 

“We were raised together, Rafe. I know she messed up, but I didn’t want her dead. She’s a part of all of my memories growing up. And now she’s gone and no one knows what happened. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the funeral. This is all too much.” The tears flow freely now and I can’t stop them. 

I don’t remember him coming closer but suddenly he is looming over me at the edge of the bed.

”The funeral?” He grabs my chin and thrusts it up so I’m looking at him. “You’re not going to the funeral,” he says angrily. 

The motion catches me off guard. His eyebrows are drawn together and his dark stormy eyes seem almost black. 

“Wh- what?” 

“You just got out of the hospital. You should worry about taking care of yourself. Maybe if you did, you wouldn’t have lost the baby.” 

Suddenly, he smacks me across the face with the back of his hand. 

“You’re not going anywhere,” his face contorts with rage. 

I put my hand to my mouth remembering how my ex cut my lip that day. The coppery taste of blood is somehow fresh in my mind all these years later. It was the first time he hit me. And after I came home from the funeral, the one he told me I couldn’t go to, he did it again. But what he did that time was so much worse.  

I glance outside the bakery window, trying to ignore the unease I feel from the memory and I spot Marco making his way in. We make eye contact and I groan quietly. 

 s**t.

Marco also teaches English at the school. He’s from New York and our similar upbringing made us bond when we first met. Things are complicated between us though. He doesn’t know I’m a witch but he does know about Rafe and some of the reasons I left home. 

Marco is actually the one who pushed me to go to therapy and work on my mental health. The more I tried to push him away, the more determined he was for me to let him in. 

And I tried to, I did, but trusting people is not easy for me anymore. Plus, he’s human and there will always be a side of me that I have to keep from him. 

He is the only person I’ve been with since Rafe and he deserves someone who can love him fully with no restraints. That person isn’t me. So I ended our relationship if you could even call it one.

He wants to work things out though. He hasn’t said as much but I can feel it. I can sense emotions that run through people, feel them as another person feels them. Emotions are my thing and one of my powers is that I’m an empath.

It’s how I knew Chiara was pissed off yesterday before she stomped her way to the kitchen, and it’s how I know hope and excitement are bubbling up inside of Marco as he walks over to my table. 

“Can I join you?” he asks hesitantly.

“Yeah. I’m only sticking around for a few more minutes though. I have some stuff to do before my next class.”

He nods. “How’ve you been?” 

“Good. Can’t complain.” I add a little too quickly.  

“You don’t look so good. Are you sleeping well? Have the nightmares returned?” 

Ouch! Did I look like a mess? I move my hand to my head to smooth out my long ponytail, as though that can fix the bags under my eyes. 

“Um, no. No nightmares. I just had a late night.”

Marco stares at me with his cerulean blue eyes. He is weighing whether he should push it further or drop it. 

“You know you can talk to me right, Giada? I’m still here for you. That hasn’t changed.” 

“I know, but I’m fine. Like I said, late night.”

I stand up abruptly. I’m done talking. 

“I’ll see you later.” I quickly make my way to the exit, gulp down the last bit of my espresso, and toss it.

Suddenly, I’m being pulled back by my hand before I can open the door. 

 “Wait! I shouldn’t have pried. I just... I still worry about you, I guess.”  Marco’s thumb rubs back and forth on the top of my hand. 

I stare at our hands touching. He should be upset with me, but I can sense nothing but positivity and love through our touch, which makes me feel even worse. 

Some people’s emotions are strong, and for an empath that can be draining. It takes a lot out of me when I help certain people. And until I realized that I could absorb people’s emotions, I thought something was wrong with me for feeling so sluggish at times. I had to learn how to put up a shield. It's like an invisible bubble to protect me from the intensity of the emotions people go through. 

I don’t have my shield up now and his emotions are causing me to feel all kinds of things. My cheeks burn and I’m warm. I have to look away. Marco is undeniably gorgeous with his chestnut hair, light eyes, and a killer smile. His soft touch combined with his feelings are wreaking havoc on my body. 

I missed this, being intimate, and there’s a tiny part of me that wants to give in to the moment. To look up at him and to kiss him. To let him back in my life, let him take me in his gentle way, but giving in right now would be a mistake.

Why couldn’t I be happy with him? What’s wrong with me? I pull my hand away slowly.

“I’m fine, Marco. I have to go.” I turn around and cross the street quickly not bothering to look back. 

********

At home, I try to relax. My mat’s out, my laptop is on and I’m about 30 minutes into a Pilates workout when I hear a knock at the door. To my surprise, it’s Marco. 

He glances down at my bare stomach and his eyes linger there. I’m wearing a white sports bra and grey leggings and I know my face is flushed. He slowly takes in my body and when his eyes finally meet mine, hot desire is there. 

“Marco, um, what are you doing here?” I ask.  

“I thought we could hang out tonight, it’s been a while.” He holds up a bottle of red wine and a brown takeout bag from La Piazza down the street.

“I come bearing gifts,” he smiles. 

This is his not-so-subtle way of checking up on me after our conversation. What a stubborn man! At least he brought food.

“You should’ve called. What if I was out? Or busy?” I put one hand on my hip hoping he senses my annoyance.

“Then I would’ve enjoyed this all by myself at home.” I don’t answer him so he arches his brow, “you going to let me in?”

“Is it pesto?” I ask squinting. I look at the bag as though I’ll be able to see through it and determine its contents.

“You know it,” he smirks. 

He heads straight to the kitchen and begins pulling out some cutlery and wine glasses while I go to my room to grab a sweater. Normally, I wouldn’t cover up, but I feel too exposed.

“Did I interrupt your workout?” he notices the sweater. “You didn’t have to stop for me,” he says grinning. 

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” 

“Yoga?”

“Pilates,” I answer. 

“You’re right, I would like that,” he says teasingly. 

I roll my eyes and begin to eat. 

“Is Chiara at work?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

“How’s she doing?”

“She’s gotten worse. I think something’s happened with her family or at work. Last night I thought she was going to break the kitchen cabinets and it was almost midnight. I can’t believe we didn’t get any calls or complaints from the other tenants.” 

“You should find somewhere else to live.” 

“I know. I’ve been saying that for how long now? I like this spot though. It’s the perfect location and I’m not willing to give up the view.”

“My area’s got a nice view too, and you know I have the space. You could always come stay with me.” He continues shovelling pasta in his mouth without looking at me. 

This again? This is the exact  reason I ended things with him. He had asked me to move in, to take things to the next level and I couldn’t bring myself to commit like that. I don’t even know what to say to him. 

“It’s okay, Giada. I get it. You don’t need to say anything.” 

“But I do. You’re wonderful for offering, truly. It’s just…” 

How do I tell him again that I’m not interested like that? That I love him but I’m not in love with him. How do I say all that without sounding like a horrible person, again?

“Nothing’s changed, right?” he replies sadly. 

I nod and then there’s a long silence. This is painfully uncomfortable. 

“I think I just need a small break from her, not a permanent move. I don’t even know if my contract will be renewed yet, so I’m thinking of maybe going home for the summer and then hopefully things change for her by the time I get back,” I say quickly. 

That gets his attention. His fork is midair and he stares at me intensely. Then there is a flash of something in his eyes. Was that pain? I don’t know what possessed me to say that out loud. Up until that very moment, I didn’t realize I was seriously considering going home.  

“Wow, so you’d rather go home which you’ve been avoiding for years than come to stay with me?”

Huh? I’m so confused. Does he think I’m choosing going home over living with him? I concentrate on his heart and try to lessen the tension there. Through my powers I can help regulate people’s emotions. I also have the ability to heal people. I don’t do this often because it can wear me out. Nosebleeds, headaches, fainting spells are all the universe’s way of reminding me about the importance of balance. Magic is about give and take. If I use my power to give or heal, there has to be something used up or taken in return. 

“No! I didn’t mean that at all. Jacquie’s expecting twins. They’ll be born soon and she’s having a welcoming party of sorts. It’s a thing her family does, kind of like a christening. She invited me but I haven’t decided if I'm going. I was just thinking about it.”  

Hearing this puts him at ease. He’s at least eating the pasta again.

“That’s huge, Giada. I’m happy you’re ready to go back.” 

“Really? You didn’t seem too happy.”

“I was a bit shocked. I know how difficult it might be for you to see your friends and family, but this is a massive step in the right direction.” 

“You think so?” I ask suddenly curious about what he thinks is the right thing to do.

“I think you should do what’s best for you. But, I also think you’ve been avoiding a lot of people back there. People who remind you of what you’ve lost and what happened to you. It’s natural to want to avoid triggering some unwanted feelings, I just don’t know if you could or should avoid them forever.”  

“You’re right,” I admit. 

“Of course I am,“ he grins.  

 We finish our food and move to the living room to catch up, and before I know it, the wine bottle is empty and two hours have passed.

It’s easy being with him. Almost too easy. I have little experience with healthy relationships but Marco is a good man and I know I care about him. So what is the problem? Do I have unrealistic expectations? Maybe relationships are supposed to be like this.

We reach the door and he hesitates. He steps closer to me. 

“I had a great time tonight. I missed this,” he says and his eyes lower to my lips. 

Maybe it’s the wine coupled with the uncertainty of returning home but I can’t help but look at his lips as well. That’s the only signal he needs to connect his mouth with mine. 

The kiss is slow and soft as his hands find my waist, his touch light. I part my lips and our tongues dance, but I want more. My hands roam up his chest, then to his neck and into the back of his hair. I tug lightly and try to deepen the kiss but he chooses that moment to pull away. 

Disappointed, I pout slightly and he chuckles a bit. 

“I guess you missed me too, Angel?”    

I don’t answer. I look into his eyes and push my body closer to his trying to convey that I want more. That I don’t want him to stop. I don’t want him to be gentle with me like he always is. I don’t want him to treat me like I’m going to break. I want him to kiss me passionately against the wall while his hands roam frantically with need all over my body. I try to make him see that. He doesn’t. And I’m not going to beg. We’ve had these conversations before. He doesn’t understand my desire and maybe that’s the real reason we don’t work. 

His hand comes up to my face and he strokes my cheek with his thumb. 

“I’ll see you at work.”

He looks pleased as he leaves and I’m left feeling extremely frustrated as I head to bed. My phone beeps right as I’m getting comfortable under the sheets. 

Jacquie:

Just checking in. Hoping you’re not too pissed with me for pushing the visit. I get it if you can’t make it. xo 

Me:

I’m good. You just took me by surprise. I hadn’t considered a visit in a really long time. I promise I’ll think about it. Give lots of kisses to Milan. Talk soon. xo

    As irritated as I felt with Marco and his kiss, talking with him tonight helped me work through the idea of going home. Maybe it’s time to face the people I left behind and hopefully move forward. As for Jacqueline and the naming ceremony? I had a plan but I needed Lucius to help pull it off.