October 9
I am so, so, so stupid. How could I be so dumb? What was I thinking? Why did I have to go and ruin everything? What the hell is wrong with me?
I know what my problem is… I don't know how to be happy. Give me two choices, and I'll pick the wrong one every time. I'm just a big, dumb dope.
I guess I'd better start at the beginning. I need to process in my mind what has happened anyway.
Things have been utterly splendid with Gus. We treat each other with respect, we laugh and have fun together, and our s*x life is absolutely off-the-charts amazing. I mean it's hot, passionate, inventive, and tender––all rolled up into one exquisite package. The only dark spot in our relationship is his impending departure, but I do everything in my power not to think about that, and we have never
