Curse of the Blue Blood Moon

Chapter 4: A Willful Lack of Understanding

    “What do you mean she had a panic attack?” my dad said through gritted teeth.

    Katlynn and I were seated in plush leather armchairs across from my dad as he sat behind his desk. My mom stood beside him, her face unreadable. 

    Katlynn had convinced me to try and talk to my parents openly about the problems I’d been having. I was skeptical that it would go as well as she hoped, but at least I could say I was being honest.

    “I mean exactly that,” Katlynn stated, her voice calm and even, “after our lesson, I asked Elsie about any fears or doubts she might be having. As we talked, she became more distressed and - “

    “What fears and doubts?” my mom questioned, her eyes locking on mine in an intense stare. Katlynn looked to me, her eyes soft, a light smile at her lips. I took a deep breath.

    “I’m feeling really overwhelmed with everything. All the Alpha training, all the lessons for being The Blessed...it’s just a lot. I feel like I never get any downtime to just be myself. I don’t have any friends besides Vincent, Birnam, and Illyria. I’ve never gone on a date. I’ve never even had a slumber party! I’ve never gotten to just do pup stuff, and it hurts. And it feels like all my training stuff is all you guys care about. It doesn’t feel like…” I started to get choked up, and I struggled to hold down a sob. “It doesn’t feel like you love me for just me; you just care about what I’ll do for the pack.”

    “Elsinore, don’t be ridiculous,” my dad sighed, sitting back in his chair. My ears flattened in distress. Even when I tried my best to be level and calm, I was being too dramatic for him.

    “What your father means,” my mother said placatingly, “is of course we love you for you. But there is so much you have in front of you, for the rest of your life. We just don’t want you to be underprepared, and we never wanted to coddle you.”

    Katlynn cut in then. “I think what Elsie is saying is she hasn’t felt the kind of support many other pups receive. The ‘pup stuff’ she’s referring to are often rewards for good behavior and successes. It’s positive reinforcement. But the more challenges and expectations before a pup, the more positive reinforcement is required to make it feel worthwhile to the pup.”

    “So you’re saying we’ve not been good parents to our pup?” my dad said darkly. There was a warning tone in his voice that made me shrink back.

    But Katlynn didn’t flinch. “Not at all, Alpha. I’m saying what Elsie feels. Often pups her age can have distortions in their thinking that cause their perception of actions by others to be skewed. She’s not doing this intentionally; it’s a common side effect of this stage of her brain development. The teen phase is often when the part of the brain that controls impulses begins to grow and finalize itself. That’s why many teens struggle to control potentially dangerous or unwise impulses. Because Elsie has had to control outward impulses more than her peers, it instead turns to inward impulses, which as I said can cause distortions of her perception of reality.”

    I stared at Katlynn, slack-jawed. She’d not told me any of this. Was any of it true? Were my reactions really out of control because of something genuinely out of my control?

    Both of my parents stared silently at Katlynn for a moment before their eyes glazed over. It was clear that they were mindlinking each other. I began to fidget nervously. I wondered if they believed Katlynn. I wondered if they believed me.

    Finally my mom spoke. “We are clearly not...as familiar with brain development as you are, Sage Katlynn. We trust you know what you’re talking about. What we are upset about is why we are only hearing about this now. The fact that neither you nor our daughter brought this to our attention sooner.”

    “It wasn’t my story to tell, Luna Marianna. I wanted to be sure Elsie was ready to talk about it with you. Much of this she didn’t even realize until today.”

    “But you could have stepped in at any time,” my dad growled, leaning forward in his chair and putting his hands on his desk. “You could have helped us fix this sooner. She’s literally a day away from being an adult now! If this was the problem holding her back, we could have done so much more to get her to reach her full potential!”

    I flinched and sank further into my chair. That’s all it ever was - and ever will be - about. Unlocking my potential. Even with Katlynn laying out the science of it all, he still didn’t get it. It was like he didn’t want to. 

    I heard my dad sigh heavily and glanced up. My mom had wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he lowered himself onto his elbows, propped up on his desk. 

    “I just wanted you to be as strong as you could be, Elsinore,” he murmured, not looking up. “I’m...sorry if I’ve been withholding, or made you feel like I was being withholding.”

    My mom looked over to me and I could see there were tears forming in her eyes. “We never meant to hurt you, sweetheart. It’s been hard for us too. Knowing that you’re destined for something important but not knowing exactly what...we want you to be safe. We’re....” she trailed off, her words failing her.

    “Scared?” I offered. My mom nodded slowly, the tears gently falling down her beautiful face. I sighed. “And you can’t show you’re scared, not when you’re Alpha and Luna.”

    Mom nodded slowly again, and I saw my dad’s shoulders rise and fall as he took a deep breath. 

    “I just wish you’d told us sooner, Elsinore,” dad said. His voice sounded distorted, like he too might be holding back a lump in his throat. “We could have worked through this.”

    “I know, and I’m sorry.” I said, trying to keep my voice even. “I really just didn’t know how to say it. I didn’t want to disappoint you. I still just want you to be proud of me. But I’m not even proud of me, so how could you be?”

    Mom let go of my dad and came around the desk to me. She took my hands and went down to her knees so her eyes were level with mine. “We are proud of you sweetheart. We just thought that…” she considered for a moment, clearly searching for the right words, “we thought that if we said it too much it would be like lowering the bar. We wanted you to push yourself, always try to improve and not rest on your laurels. It’s hard to hear we did it all wrong.”

    A sob rose in me that I couldn’t hold back. “You didn’t do it all wrong!” I cried, throwing my arms around her. “I’ve learned so much because of you!”

    “Then what are we talking about?!” my dad roared, rising to his feet now. “Are we good parents or bad?”

    “Alpha, no parent is perfect - “

    “And you!” dad shouted, rounding on Katlynn. “Presuming to question how I raise my pup! Who do you think you are?”

    “I am her teacher, a position you gave to me because you trusted my knowledge and expertise. By virtue of my position, I spend a great deal of time with Elsie. I see what affects her, often more frequently than you do.”

    It was the wrong thing to say. My dad’s face grew red with anger. “And now you accuse me of not spending enough time with my daughter?!”

    “No Alpha, I’m simply stating a fact.”

    Mom rose to her feet. “Benedict, my love - “

    But dad threw up a hand to silence her. “Sage Katlynn, for treasonous behavior towards your Alpha, I hereby banish you from the Silvermoon Pack. Effective immediately.”