Loving You Was the Risk

Beanstalk

Amy POV

After chewing on my nail down to a sad little nub and spiraling for a solid twenty minutes about the very real possibility of running into a person I practically grew up with, I finally forced myself to get ready for lunch with Savannah. My one and only friend from middle school. Which, honestly, felt like a miracle in itself.

If Savannah had not found me that day in the library, hiding behind a bookshelf and eating my lunch like a raccoon guarding its trash, I am not sure if I would have survived middle or high school at all. I hated people back then. Hated small talk. Hated forced smiles. Hated my foster family most of all.

My first foster family was amazing. Mr. and Mrs. Cotton were the kind of people you only meet once in a lifetime. Soft voices, warm hugs, and the kind of love that makes you feel safe enough to breathe. They taught Austin and me right from wrong, how to show love through words and actions, how to apologize when you messed up and mean it. They were more my parents than my biological parents ever were.

Hell, the only things I really remember about my actual parents were that they had brown hair and spent most of their time passed out on the couch. I remember being so hungry I ate stale Cheerios straight off the floor. Austin found them for me. Sat with me while I ate like it was completely normal. He was my world even then. Always watching out for me. Always protecting me. One day I will pay him back. I just have no idea how. Even now, he is still taking care of me.

Mrs. Cotton made the best lasagna in the entire universe. It was my favorite. She always made it on nights she could tell I had a rough day. Which was often. Kids were cruel. They called me all sorts of names. Brace face. Four eyes. Nerd. Freak. Every insult imaginable. Mr. Cotton told me to fight back with my words instead of my fists.

That was where my sass was born.

In fifth grade, I once told a girl that she was nothing but a piece of s**t on my shoe. All because she called me a nerd. I got in a lot of trouble by the teacher and had to sit out at recess. But, Mr. Cotton was proud of me, even if I said a swear word. He actually laughed.

I had comebacks for everything. You would think that would make them leave me alone. It did not. Sixth grade was a little better. Austin was in eighth and had already mastered the art of the protective older brother stare. He stepped in a lot.

Even Bennie came to my rescue once or twice.

That memory came rushing back so hard it made my chest tighten.

I shivered and tried to push it out of my mind.

Still staring off into space, I went even farther into my memories. Sixth grade was an interesting year. My braces were finally gone, but my thick glasses were still very much a thing. It was about a year after Mr. and Mrs. Cotton had to leave. As much as I loved them, losing them shattered me. I knew their health was declining. Neither of them could even take care of themselves anymore, let alone foster kids. Still, knowing the reason did not make it hurt less.

We moved again.

This house was everything the Cottons were not.

Cold. Loud in all the wrong ways. Silent when it mattered.

I was ignored on good days and relentlessly yelled at the rest. I shared a room with three other teenagers in a space barely big enough for two sets of bunk beds. I hated that room. Hated the stale smell and the feeling of never being alone but always being lonely.

Eventually Austin was allowed outside. I was not. Connie and Derrick, our foster parents, I swear hated me.

And then there were "them."

Tamera and Heather.

My middle school nightmares wrapped in lip gloss and cheer uniforms.

What made it worse was Bennie. He was always dating one of them. Switching back and forth like it was a sport. That year it was Tamera. Tall. Blonde. Too much makeup. Curves already exactly where middle school boys thought they should be. Heather was the same, just with shoulder length dark brown hair and brown eyes. Of course they were cheerleaders. Wearing their uniforms whenever possible like middle school was some kind of strip club.

Made me sick.

One morning after walking to school with Austin and Bennie, we stopped at the McDonald’s nearby. Bennie paid, because his parents were saints and gave him extra money on Fridays.

He handed me a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit and smirked.

“Here you go, kiddo. Try not to get it all over your face this time. You eat like an animal.”

I threw it back at him and crossed my arms.

“At least I don’t look like a walking stick with hair!” I fired back. Benjamin was a tall but very good looking boy. At least that's what Tamera and Heather always said. I just thought he was skinny, not quite grown into his physique.

He laughed and walked ahead. Austin cracked up like we were the funniest people alive.

I almost did not eat it. Almost. But then Bennie shoved it into my hands and ruffled my hair giving me that familiar smile. I couldn't help it, I grinned, grabbed the food and hugged him before I could stop myself. I rarely got food like that anymore. If I ate something good, it was because he bought it.

Unfortunately, the Barbie twins saw the whole thing.

They cornered me before first period.

“What do you want, Tamera?” I asked, bored already.

Heather made her mean face. The one that somehow managed to look like an angry boxer.

“So… you’re pretty close with Bennie and Austin, huh?”

“I’m Austin’s sister, you walking stick with boobs, and Bennie barely tolerates me.”

“Stay away from him. He’s mine.”

“Are you serious? I don’t even hang out with him. He’s only around because of Austin.”

“Well stay away anyway, dork. If he’s buying food for anyone, it’s going to be me.”

Then she dumped her water bottle over my head.

Oh, hell no! What a classic mean girl thing to do. She was so cliché, the damn bimbo.

"Really? Pour water on me, how original." I rolled my eyes and turned to leave. But ran straight into something solid.

I looked up.... Bennie.

Great.

I was sure he would laugh. Instead, his face hardened.

“What the hell, Tamera?”

“What? You call her the same things all the time.”

“Yeah, well you can’t and that was a stupid thing to do. If you ever try to humiliate Ames again, I’ll personally make sure Principal Osterfield knows about every rule you’ve broken. No cheer this year. Or next.”

“What? You can’t—”

“And we’re done.”

Heather smiled slightly as Tamera looked so pissed her face turned purple. She knew she was the next girlfriend. It used to make me wonder what the hell kind of friendship they had. Didn't they get jealous of each other? And sharing a guy, ewww! Can you say desperate?

Bennie handed me his hoodie.

“Put this on and get to class. You’re always making trouble.”

“I did no such thing!”

“Just go.”

“Fine, beanstalk!”

I changed into his hoodie in the bathroom. It smelled like him. Not great. Not terrible. Definitely mine now. I stuffed my wet shirt in my backpack and walked to class late, already dreading getting home and it wasn’t even first period.

Connie and Derrek. Their names tasted like rot. I couldn’t do anything right and bringing a new hoodie home meant I was going to be accused of stealing. I never stole a thing in my life, thanks to the Cotton’s upbringing. But that didn’t stop them from yelling at me. Maybe I can slip in without being noticed. Better to be ignored than yelled at. That is how I learned to be quiet.

Except with Bennie.

He still got under my skin like no one else ever had.

And somehow, thinking about seeing him again made my stomach twist all over again.