Notes on an Unsaid Love

Chapter 6

“I don’t know about you.”

Before he could say anything else, I walked away. He was so frustrating—giving me these mixed signals, acting like he liked me one moment, then leaving me guessing the next. I heard him calling my name over and over, but I didn’t turn around.

“Hey!”

I stopped mid-step when a girl with heavy makeup called out to me. I knew her—famous in our school, lots of people had crushes on her. She’d been my classmate back in seventh grade, but now she acted like she didn’t know me.

“Aren’t you friends with Lennox?” she asked.

I froze. Even though she hadn’t told me why she called me over, my instincts screamed caution.

“Yes. What do you want?” I asked, keeping my voice steady.

She smiled briefly, but I could tell she was sizing me up, judging me.

“I just need a favor.” She handed me a letter, and I raised an eyebrow. “Can you give this to Lennox? He hasn’t replied to my messages. Maybe he’s just not active online.”

Wait… what? He always chats with me.

I stared at the envelope in her hand. Pink, with a faint scent of perfume.

“Why me?” I asked, my voice cold.

She forced a smile. “You’re close, aren’t you? Easier if you give it to him.”

Close? The word twisted something in my chest.

“You could just give it to him yourself,” I said.

“He’s busy,” she said quickly. “And… it’s better if it comes from you. He’ll pay more attention.”

She stared at me directly, no smile this time, measuring me from head to toe.

I understood. This wasn’t just a favor. She was testing me.

I took the letter. “Fine,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm, even though my chest was heavy. “I’ll give it to him.”

She smiled again, more confident this time. “Thanks. Just… tell him it’s from—”

“I know who it’s from,” I interrupted.

She paused, then nodded. “Good.”

And just like that, she walked away, leaving me holding something I didn’t want to touch. I walked slowly, the envelope heavy in my hand. So… I wasn’t the only one with feelings for him. I wasn’t the only one wanting to get closer. It made sense. He was handsome, kind, talented. Who wouldn’t like him?

I stopped. But then doubt crept in. What if there’s someone better than me? Someone prettier, more confident, more suited to him? I sighed. What was I expecting? I’m just a friend. I have no right to be jealous, annoyed, or hurt. But why did it feel so heavy? I looked at the letter again. I could ignore it. Hide it. Pretend I never saw it.

But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t, just because of jealousy. I took a deep breath.

“Grow up, Phoebe,” I whispered to myself.

A voice behind me pulled me from my thoughts.

“Phoebe! I’ve been calling you!”

I closed my eyes briefly, then turned.

“Why didn’t you turn around?” he asked, slightly out of breath.

I met his gaze and handed him the letter.

“Someone gave this to me,” I said.

He frowned. “What’s this?”

“Read it,” I replied.

I couldn’t deny my curiosity either. After all… I liked him. I didn’t blame him if he liked Veronica Lim instead. She was gorgeous, smart—practically a dream girl. But then he surprised me. He tossed the letter in the trash, acting as if nothing had happened. And then… he grabbed my hand, giving me the most pitiful puppy eyes.

“Phoebe! Help me with my project! I can’t figure it out, and my groupmates won’t do anything! I’m the one summarizing, assigning topics, editing… I feel like I’m going to faint!”

I nearly dropped my jaw.

“Aren’t you going to check the letters at least?” I asked in disbelief.

“The letters? Waste of time,” he said, looping an arm around me as we started walking. “I’m not into her.”

“What’s your type?” I asked, curious.

“My type? Like you.”

I froze. Me?

“You?” My mind scrambled. “You like… me?”

“I like your style, your personality. Simple but beautiful.”

It felt like confetti exploded inside my head. Me?

I didn’t know where to look—at the road? At his hand still holding mine? Or at his face so close I could feel his breath? My heart raced uncontrollably.

“Why are you frozen?” he teased, gently shaking me. “Phoebe? Earth to Phoebe?”

“N-nothing!” I stammered. “I’m just… surprised. You’re so cheesy.”

“Cheesy?” He raised a brow. “I’m just being honest.”

Honest. If he only knew how hard it was for me to hear that. He let go of my hand briefly to adjust his bag, then wrapped an arm around me again like it was normal. For him, maybe it was. For me… I felt like I was on a rollercoaster with no seatbelt.

“Why were you curious about the letters?” he asked suddenly. “Do you know anyone who wrote them?”

I glanced at the trash bin. Veronica Lim’s letter was probably still there. Gorgeous, smart, and practically everyone’s crush. If she liked Lennox, it wouldn’t have been hard for her.

“No one,” I said quickly. “Just… wasted effort.”

“Effort without sincerity,” he shrugged. “I don’t like forced things. And you haven’t helped me with the project either.”

I nudged him. “You volunteered as leader, and now you complain.”

“I just want to be responsible,” he said with a sly smile. “And impress my future girlfriend.”

I stopped walking.

“Ah… is that so?” I whispered.

“Of course,” he continued. “I need to be prepared. Efficient. Responsible. Gentlemanly.” He faced me, smiling. “Did I pass?”

If he only knew… he already passed all my standards.

“Yes,” I said, forcing calm. “You’re kind.”

“Kind?” He raised a brow. “And?”

“Hardworking, smart, persistent… talkative.”

“Hey!” he laughed. “You talk too much.”

We fell into a quiet rhythm as we walked to the library. My chest felt heavy—but a strange kind of happiness lingered. Even clueless, even unaware that he was the reason behind all my smiles and tears at night… he was here. Next to me.

“Phoebe,” he said suddenly.

“Hmm?”

“When I have a girlfriend, don’t get jealous, okay?”

Cold water poured over me.

“Why would I be jealous?” I joked, trying to stay calm.

“I don’t know,” he smiled. “Maybe because you’ll miss me.”

I… miss you every day, even when we’re together.

“No,” I said. “I’m happy for you.”

He looked at me, searching my face, but as usual… he saw nothing.

“Good,” he said. “Because you’ll be the first to know when I like someone.”

I smiled, though a small pang twisted inside me. Just when I was ready to confess, he’d be interested in someone else. And as he opened his book and started grumbling about the project again, I silently accepted it.

I had a crush on my boy best friend… and he had no idea.

______

I stopped mid-sentence while working on my Monday quiz for Grade 12 when my phone buzzed. I looked down and saw Lennox’s name lighting up the screen.

“I’ll pick you up later, okay? Is it fine if my friend Aiden comes along? He’s the troublemaker who tried showing up at my house without telling me.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. God, he really was cute. I let out a small giggle, completely unable to deny it.

“Okay,” I replied simply. I couldn’t refuse—he’s my friend, after all. But secretly, I wished I could have him to myself, just the two of us at his house.

“Dangerous, Phoebe,” I heard Ate Kira’s voice, sharp yet teasing, and I looked up to see her leaning against the wall, arms crossed, an amused yet warning glare fixed on me.

“Ate, come on!” I protested.

“I’m telling you,” she said, shaking her head, “you’ll just get hurt. What if… Lennox only sees you as a friend? I just hope you’re prepared for whatever happens.”

Her words stole the smile off my face. She was right. I couldn’t blame her… and I couldn’t even blame myself. I had tried to stop my feelings, but I couldn’t. I loved him.

“It’s not that I’m stopping you from having fun,” she added softly. “I’m just worried.”

I let out a long sigh, returning my gaze to the quiz paper, though the words made no sense anymore. My mind kept replaying her warning: You’ll just get hurt.

I bit my lip. I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to accept that maybe Lennox might only ever see me as a friend.

“Hey, overthinking again, huh?”

I blinked. Ate Kira had come up behind me, lightly tapping my head.

“Ow! Ate!” I protested.

“Well, it shows on your face. Like someone just dumped you,” she teased, shaking her head.

“I wasn’t dumped…” I muttered softly. “We never even became a thing.”

She paused for a moment. “Phoebe…” her voice softened.

I forced a smile, trying to push away the sadness. “I’m fine, Ate. Promise.”

She didn’t respond, clearly unconvinced, but she let it go.

____

Hours passed until school ended, and I immediately searched for the familiar car of Lennox outside the school gate. He was leaning casually against it, chatting with a boy I assumed was Aiden. Even from a distance, I could see Lennox’s smile, hear his laugh—it was like nothing else in the world existed for him in that moment.

I smiled before I even realized it.

“Phoebe!”

He spotted me and waved. Just hearing my name from him made my chest feel lighter. I walked up to them.

“Finally!” he said, grinning. “I thought you’d ditch me again.”

“I see you brought company,” I teased, glancing at the boy beside him.

He laughed and gestured. “Oh, right! Phoebe, this is Aiden.”

The boy smiled at me. “So you’re Phoebe.”

I frowned. “Huh? Why?”

Aiden glanced at Lennox, smirking.

“Nothing,” he said, like he was trying to hide something. “This one just talks about you… a lot.”

I looked at Lennox, who immediately looked away, scratching the back of his neck.

“Hey! Don’t start gossiping now!”

And just like that, my heart started racing. Why does he always do this to me, Lennox? Why do you always make me feel so happy? That’s why I keep falling for you, more than I want to admit. I realized Aiden had been watching me the whole time, and I quickly looked away.

⸻

Later, while I was working on a project, I froze mid-doodle when I overheard Lennox talking with Aiden.

“Bro! Look, we have a new transferee! She’s pretty, and smart too! What if I just—”

My heart nearly stopped. Is this what Ate Kira meant? That I would get hurt? It hurt so much, but I couldn’t cry—after all, I had no claim. I was just a friend.

“She’s beautiful,” Lennox laughed. “Text her! Tell her I want to be friends! Help me out, bro. What’s her name?”

“Hailey Delos Santos. Same age as you.”

I immediately stood. “My dad’s looking for me—I have to leave.”

“Already?” Lennox asked, frowning. “At least rest a bit, have some food—we’ve got some here.”

“No thanks,” I said firmly, trying to keep my voice steady, though it felt like a weight was pressing down on my chest.

“Are you sure?” Lennox asked again, concern in his eyes. “You just started.”

I smiled faintly, though it didn’t reach my eyes. “It’s fine. I’ll finish this at home.” I didn’t look at them again. I packed my things quickly, forcing myself to ignore the way they were watching me.

If I stopped now… I wasn’t sure I could control myself.

“Phoebe—”

I didn’t wait to hear the rest. I walked out of their house. Once the gate closed behind me, I exhaled sharply. The pain hit me again. I didn’t even know why I was hoping for anything. He hadn’t promised me anything.

Just a friend.

I repeated it over and over in my head as I walked home. Just a friend. But why did it hurt so much? I didn’t notice the tears that had begun to fall until a voice called behind me.

“Phoebe!”

I froze. It was Lennox. I slowly turned to see him running toward me, slightly out of breath.

“Why did you leave so suddenly?” he asked. “Did Aiden or I do something?”

I shook my head quickly.

“I don’t believe you,” he said, stopping in front of me, eyes searching mine. “I know something’s wrong.”

I bit my lip, unsure if I should tell him the truth.

“Phoebe…” he called softly.

I turned slightly away, not wanting him to see my eyes.

“Lennox,” I said, forcing calm into my voice, “if you want to date someone… go ahead.”

He paused, confused.

“Huh?”

I forced a smile, though it hurt. “Nothing. I just… heard you talking earlier.”

He stayed silent, and my chest tightened at the sight of him processing my words.

“It’s fine,” I added quickly. “Hailey seems nice, right? She’s perfect for you.”