l**t In Between

Chapter Three

As we approached the entrance, he questioned us by inquiring, "Where's your identification?"

I was so nervous that my hands were shaking when I unsnapped the front flap of my purse and reached inside to get the card. When he pulled it from my hands, I was taken aback to find blood on his knuckles, and as a result, I let out a loud gasp. "Oh, my God. You appear to have suffered some form of injury."

He cast a cursory glance at the palm of his hand before tilting his head in a specific direction. “Nah. The majority of it was his own blood. After drawing his lips into a thin line, he turned aside to swipe the card through the door entry system. His lips were squeezed into a thin line. While he was doing that, I started to wonder if he planned to come inside with me or not. I didn't believe I could hold it together for much longer, and it turns out that my prediction was probably accurate.

After opening the door for me, he offered to take my identity card from my hand. In the light that emanated from the entrance vestibule, I was better able to make out the features of his eyes. Under his lowered brows, they appeared to be a transparent grayish blue in color. When he questioned me for the second time, "Are you certain that you're okay?" I told him that I was. I could feel the muscles in my face tightening as a response.

I gave an inconsequential nod as I placed the card inside my bag while keeping my head low and maintaining an attitude of modesty. I lied when I answered "Yes. Fine."

He exhaled a sigh of confusion and, at the same time, ran a hand through his hair. "May I place a call on your behalf?" "May I take your message?"

I gave a jovial grin and a slight nod. In order to completely fall apart, I had to get to my room as soon as possible. "No, thank you very much." I circumnavigated him in a cautious manner, making sure not to touch against any of his body parts, and then I made my way towards the stairway.

He whispered the name to himself while maintaining his position in the lobby's entryway. "Jenna?" I spun around while maintaining my grip on the handrail, and we established eye contact with each other. "There is no reason to blame you for this."

I looked at him, gave him a single, resolute nod, and then quickly turned around and raced up the stairs, the sound of my shoes smashing on the concrete steps. I bit down really hard on the lower part of my lip. On the landing of the second floor, I came to a startled halt, and I abruptly whirled around to look back at the door. However, he was not present.

I had no idea what his name was and I couldn't remember ever even spoken to him, much less seeing him before. I was clueless about both of those things. I would have been able to remember those eyes because of how unusually clear they were. I had no idea who he was, despite the fact that he had just shouted my name, and I was utterly clueless. Not Jenna, which was the name that was printed on my identity card, but Jenna, which was the name that everyone called me ever since Kevin renamed me in the middle of our junior year of high school. Jenna was the name that was printed on my identification card.

***

Two weeks ago:

"Wanna come up? Or stay over? Sophie will be spending the night at Cal's place this next weekend. My tone was upbeat and playful, and it nearly sounded like I was singing. It will be some time before his roommate returns. What this entails is that I won't have anyone else around...

It had been precisely one month since Kevin and I had celebrated our three-year wedding anniversary together. There was no reason to conduct oneself in an evasive manner at any point. Erin has recently taken to referring to us as a "old married couple" as part of her daily routine. To which you can expect a response from me: "Jealous." Then, after giving me the finger, she would leave the room.

"Um, yes. I'll be heading up here for a little while to check on things. As he arrived into the parking area of the dorm and started looking for a parking spot, his face was inscrutable. While he was doing this, he massaged the base of his skull and the back of his neck.

Because of the growing unease in my chest, my stomach started to churn, and I had a hard time swallowing. "Have you eaten anything in the last few hours?" The familiar rubbing of the neck was seen as a symptom of tension.

He cast the most fleeting of looks in my general direction before looking away again. “Yeah. Sure.” He wedged his BMW between two pickup trucks and pulled into the first parking spot that was available. He never, ever attempted to cram his treasured import into quarters that were far too congested to accommodate it. Door dings drove him mad. It was obvious that there was an issue. I was aware that he was feeling concerned about the impending midterm examinations, particularly the pre-calculus test, and I sympathized with him. His fraternity scheduled a party for the weekend before midterms for both that night and the night after, which was utterly insane. The mixers were held on consecutive nights.

I sneaked you two into the building and then led you to the stairs at the building's rear, which always gave me the creeps whenever I was there by myself. When I turned back, Kevin was standing in front of me; however, all I could see were filthy walls covered in gum and an odor that was musty and borderline sour. I had to rush up the last level, and by the time I reached the corridor, everybody was already there.

When I turned around to look at him again while I was unlocking my door, I couldn't help but shake my head at the endearing depiction of a p***s that had been doodled on the whiteboard that Sophie and I used to write notes to each other and to our suitemates. Sophie and I used the whiteboard to write notes to each other and to our suitemates. When I turned around to look at him again, I was unlocking my door. On college websites, coed dorms are often portrayed as being more mature than they actually are. This is not the case. It felt at times as though I was residing with a group of children who were all twelve years old at the same time.

You are aware that you have the choice to call in sick to work the following evening; the option is available to you. I rested the palm of my hand on the crook of his arm. "Stay here with me, and we'll spend the weekend hiding out and studying and ordering takeout... and other activities that will help relieve your stress..." "Stay here with me, and we'll hide out and spend the weekend studying and ordering takeout..." I smiled devilishly at myself in amusement. He was obsessively focused with his shoes.

I noticed that my heart was racing significantly quicker and it felt like it was getting hotter in my chest. It is very clear that there was an issue with something. Because my mind could only conjure up terrifying scenarios, I wanted him to come clean with whatever it was as soon as possible. I wanted him to say it out loud. I wished for him to make that statement. I felt as though I had been taken by surprise because it had been so long since we had a problem or a genuine fight. It had been so long since we had either of those things.

After entering my space, he chose to take a seat on the chair that was adjacent to my desk rather than on my bed.

As I got closer to him, our knees accidentally touched one other. I really wanted him to explain to me that he was just having a bad day or that he was nervous about the examinations that were coming up in the near future. When the thumping in my chest grew noticeably more severe, I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder. “Kevin?”

"Jenna, we need to discuss."

After a while, the pounding in my ears became more intense, and at that point, I released my grip on his shoulder and let my hand fall to my side. I grabbed it with the hand that wasn't holding it, and then I moved to the side of the bed that was around three feet away from him. Because of the dryness in my mouth, even swallowing was difficult for me, let alone communicating.

While he remained silent and avoided making eye contact with me, the few seconds that passed felt like an eternity to me. After what seemed like an eternity, he started paying attention to me. He looked sad. Oh, God. Ohgodohgodohgod.

"As of late, I've been having... some... problems... in the company of other girls," she said.

I was thankful that I was seated at the moment, so I blinked and sighed. My legs would have buckled under me if I had been standing, and I would have fallen to the ground as a result. What exactly do you mean by that? I surrendered in the end. When you say "trouble" and "other girls," can you please clarify what you mean by those terms?

He exhaled deeply and slowly. "No, not in any way, shape, or form, and not even remotely. To put it another way, I can't say that I've accomplished all that much." He averted his eyes and moaned one more time before moving on. "However, I believe that this is something that I would enjoy doing."

And the answer is...

"I don't comprehend." My mind was racing as I tried to come up with a strategy to make the most of this situation, but I rapidly came to the conclusion that none of the several possibilities that were even remotely doable offered a viable alternative for a satisfactory resolution.

After sitting back down, he got up and walked twice around the room before settling himself down in the middle of the space between the entrance and me. You are aware of how important it is for me to have a successful career in both the political and legal realms. I appreciate your support in my endeavor.

I was still unable to speak due to the shock, but I managed to nod my head and peddle as quickly as I could to keep up.

"Are you familiar with the sorority that is our sister organization?"

Again, I indicated that I was aware of the precise thing that I had been concerned about when he moved into the fraternity house by nodding my head, and this time I indicated that I knew exactly what it was. It would appear that I had been insufficiently concerned about this matter.

"There is a girl—actually, there are a couple of girls in this situation—that... well," the speaker said.

Throughout the course of the chat, I worked hard to maintain a level head and appear sensible. "Kevin, what you're saying here doesn't make any sense. You aren't saying that you've already taken action over this, or that you want to, are you?

By looking right into my eyes, he made very certain that there was no room for misinterpretation. "I would like to."

Because my brain flat-out refused to absorb the words that he was speaking to me, it would have been quite simple for him to just punch me in the stomach instead of trying to communicate with me. It's possible that it could have understood when it was physically attacked. "Is that something you want to do?" What do you want to do? You have my complete and utter confusion with that statement.

He jumped from the chair, moved to the door, and then walked back again, making a total movement of twelve feet in that span of time. "Exactly what do you suppose it is that I am referring to? Jesus. Don't make me say it."

My mouth fell open. "Why don't you? Why not say it? If you can picture yourself carrying it out, there's no reason not to say it. And what does this have to do with the plans you have for your professional life?

"I was getting closer and closer to that. Look, everybody is aware that becoming involved in a s****l scandal is one of the worst things that a political candidate or elected representative can do. It is one of the most damaging things that can happen to them. I immediately knew that expression as his debate face as his eyes focused on mine. "I'm only human, Jackie, and if I have these wants to sow my wild oats or anything and I repress it, I'll probably have the same desire later, except it will be worse. If I repress it now, I'll probably have it afterwards." But acting on it at that point would be disastrous for one's career. He spread his palms out in a hopeless gesture. "I have no choice but to get it out of my system while I still have the opportunity to do so without destroying my future professional status," you said. "It's the only way I can move on."

I argued with myself, saying, "This can't be happening." My partner of three years was not breaking up with me so that he could f*ck coeds with complete and utter disregard for social convention. I made a concerted effort to inhale deeply but found that I was unable to do so. The room was completely devoid of oxygen. I was unable to speak as I scowled at him.

His jaw was clamped tightly. "I see now that it was a mistake on my part to try to make things easier for you—"

"Is this how you intend for me to take it easy on you? You're going to end things with me so you may pursue other women, right? Without having any feelings of guilt? Are you serious?"

"In the form of a heart attack."

My final thought before grabbing my economics textbook and hurling it at him was, "How can he use such a piece of shite cliché in a moment like this?" I couldn't believe he'd said something so insensitive.