Shades of Trust

Chapter 9-1

Chapter 9

Alistair’s Senior Suite

5:48 p.m.

He shut the door quietly behind him, but the soft click on the lock made Sophia tremble.

“In the bedroom,” he directed her, but stood frozen by the large door of the room, looking at her retreating back.

Oh my God! Where should I begin? She walked into the bedroom and turned her back to the balcony doors, avoiding his look.

He knew those marks. He wished he didn’t, but he could recognize welts like that instantly. He had seen them on Heather’s body more than once when they were joined by Emma, who liked to push the limits. Who did this to her? What the f**k is going on? He closed the double doors, which separated the bedroom from the rest of the suite.

Her mouth went dry at the sight of Alistair’s glorious shoulders and pectorals still glistening from the pool and the drops of water that fell from his long wet bangs and she immediately forgot why she was in his suite. She licked her lips and fisted her hands to prevent them from seeking his smooth and hard chest and made an effort to look away. If she kept staring at him, she would jump his bones then and there.

He narrowed his eyes at her.

“Undress,” he ordered harshly. She looked at him with a scared look on her face, and he added with a softer voice, “Please.”

“Let me expla—”

“I won’t ask again, Sophia. If you don’t undress, I’ll do it for you.”

Oh? Damn you, Alistair Connor. Sophia stood, raising her chin. “I don’t owe you any explanations.”

“Sophia.” He stepped closer, so close that she could feel the heat of his body. “I will rip this transparent thing off your body—”

“Very well.” She drew in a fortifying breath and undid the ties on her caftan, pushing it off her shoulders. It fell to the ground in a pool of sheer silk, leaving her wearing only a red and white strapless swimsuit.

“Turn,” he ordered, his mind bubbling with many emotions, questions and doubts.

“Alistair Co—”

“TURN!”

She turned, facing the glass doors.

He cautiously pushed her hair away and lowered the swimsuit, baring her to the waist. He hissed through clench teeth in horror.

Sophia’s back was marked with greenish-yellowing welts. One of the longer ones crossed from her left side just above her waist to below her right shoulder blade.

“Sophia…” he whispered, astounded by the savagery apparent in the marks. “Who did this to you?”

“I-I did,” she answered so softly that he thought he’d misheard. “I bought a…whip. A cat-something. And tried it…I mean, on myself. I needed to know if I could handle it. The pain, I mean.”

She was stammering. She was trembling. She knew. But she couldn’t stop herself.

He didn’t say a word, his eyes fixed on her bruised back as she rambled on, “I thought of how strong you are. And I…I hit myself as you would.”

Alistair choked, horrified as he’d never been in his whole life.

The anger that surged in him was visceral, a raw feeling directed at himself and fed by the loathsome memories of violence and his perverse behavior. I should have gotten rid of everything. I should never have introduced Sophia to this world.

He clenched his jaw with so much force that his teeth gnashed. He walked around her, searching for more marks, but found none.

The sight of Sophia’s bowed head, her long hair partly concealing her face, partly covering her arms and breasts made his anger disappear, replaced by a deep despair. “Why, Sophia? Tell me, why?”

She shrugged as she pulled her swimsuit up. “I needed to know what was it like,” she explained as she put on her caftan. “Where you would take me.”

She flung the doors of the balcony open and walked out, breathing in the cold fresh air.

Quietly, he followed her, feeling disoriented and unsettled.

She caught her breath as his hands gently rested on her shoulders.

“I’m sorry, Sophia.” His voice sounded hollow.

Sophia turned and looked up into the forest-green eyes that she so loved. “I’m sorry too. It was stupid. I didn’t—”

“Nae.” He put a finger on her lips and shook his head. “I am sorry. So very sorry. What you did, what you experienced alone,” he shook his head, horrified, “it’s completely different from what a submissive experiences with her dominant. When a dominant inflicts pain it’s because the sub craves it. It’s like a runner’s high. The pain generates endorphins for those who like it.”

“I don’t like pain,” she whispered. “As I said, a gentle slap or two is okay. But not this kind of pain.”

“Very well. That is a hard limit for you and I respect it. But let me explain one thing—and try to listen without labeling it. There are many ways of experiencing s*x. We have already done role-playing more than once. Me, blindfolding and bonding you. You, wearing a French maid costume for me; and when you blindfolded me. What would you call that?”

She searched his face for a clue, but found none. “Er…fulfilling our fantasies?”

“Aye, and that could be included in the category of light b**m too. Although we didn’t plan or discuss it, or set safe-words or agreed on boundaries, many participants of kink would say that you have acted both as a submissive and as a dominatrix. With no pain involved.”

Sophia’s mouth fell open.

Alistair smiled at her reaction. “I ceded control to you when you blindfolded me. And you gave me control over you when you let me bind you.”

“But-but—”

“Have you looked at the links I sent you?”

“No,” she answered. “I should have, but…”

“Let’s do it together then. I should have told you what kind of role-play I enjoyed. We have lots of time to talk about this and we can negotiate our limits and boundaries. There are things I’d like to do, but if you don’t like them, I won’t even consider role-playing with you, because it will damage our trust in each other. It will damage our relationship, and you, in a harmful emotional way. And even if you agree to something and in the middle of a role-play decide that you don’t like it, I would immediately stop. Do you understand that, Sophia?” He searched her eyes as many emotions crossed her transparent face.

Not quite, but I can try. But let’s set some limits here. “So, let me see if I got this right. No pain, no humiliation, no abuse. If I say no, it’s no. If I agree to something, I can ask you to stop if I change my mind.”

Hmm. That’s it, Sophia! He nodded and controlled the naughty smile that threatened to split his lips. You and I will do great scenes together.

“But let me make myself clear here, Alistair Connor, I’m no submissive. I don’t like that label and I don’t like to be ordered around. In fact,” a naughty smile appeared on her face, “I’ll probably be ordering you around.”

We’ll see. He snorted but let her finish what she was saying.

“I can role-play, I can indulge in some previously agreed upon fantasies. It spices up the relationship. But that doesn’t mean that you can order me around.”

“Agreed. We’ll go through all those things together. I—I have to apologize for not being completely forthcoming with you from the beginning.” He locked his eyes on hers, for a full minute, hypnotizing her. “Let me make this right.”

Yes, please do. She raised a questioning eyebrow, “How?”

“Marry me. Let me love you for the rest of my life.”

She opened her mouth and closed it again, uncertain. Dammit, Sophia, say yes!

For a heartbeat, Alistair was sure she would accept. “We have a standoff, it seems.”

“A standoff?”

“Indeed. You keeping saying no. I’ll keep saying yes. I can be as stubborn as you are. I have no intention of changing my mind.”

And I will capitulate. I’m not strong enough to keep you at bay. Sophia looked away.

Jaw clenched, Alistair walked to the dressing room, and an instant later, he was back behind Sophia. He caged her body inside his arms, bent his head and kissed her neck, nipping at her earlobe.

His movement caught her by surprise and she moaned, incapable of holding back her pleasure.

“I love you, Sophia. Say yes,” he murmured in her ear, as his big warm hands squeezed her waist softly. Say yes. Say yes. He stepped closer, his warmth tantalizing.

She whirled in his arms.

Sophia felt utterly conflicted. All she wanted to do was run away like a scared rabbit. But that was all she couldn’t do, as he held her under his spell.

She closed her eyes and parted her lips, inhaling a desperate mouthful of air. Before she could open her eyes, his lips took hers, commanding, demanding, ravaging her senses and his hand closed over her breast.

When he broke the kiss, the need to feel his mouth on hers again pulsed through every cell of her body and she leaned into him, consumed by the intensity of his gaze, unable to speak a single word.

All her reasons for saying no suddenly seemed so banal and incongruous. Yes, Alistair Connor! Yes!

Time stopped and Alistair waited as she mused, analyzing her feelings.

Yes, I’ll marry you. Yes, I love you. She opened her mouth to answer him, but no words left her mouth. She was paralyzed by the realization and her emotions were tumbling over one another.

“Sit.” He pointed to the armchair and knelt on one knee when she sat down. He breathed deeply and took an old jewel box from his pocket. “I had this hidden in the picnic basket. I had a whole speech rehearsed. But you said nae.”

His eyes were flaming as the intense emotions he was feeling swirled in them. “Since you left, I haven’t slept. I can’t work. I can’t live without you. When you said that you needed some time to think, you plunged a knife in my chest and left my heart bleeding, Sophia,” he whispered. “I felt you slipping through my fingers but I will never let you go. Never. You are mine, Sophia. My woman. My love. And I want you to be my wife. Marry me, Sophia.”

She felt like closing her eyes, but the passionate love that resounded in his green depths was too wondrous to not be enjoyed. Too precious to be thrown away. Too rare not to be treasured.

When Sophia married Gabriel she was barely a woman. She had loved him, yes, but with Alistair she had known a more mature love. Stronger, deeper.

She looked at him, as if seeing him for the first time and an epiphany hit her. This is what I’m going to lose if I say no. A passionate man that loves me and that I love like I have never loved before. A treasure. I have to trust this is going to work. It’s all a matter of trust.

He returned her stare, waiting. The moment was suspended in air.

“Yes, Alistair Connor. I accept. And, yes,” she mustered all her courage and cupped his jaw with her hand and whispered on his lips, “I love you.”

Those three words were Alistair’s undoing. A sudden light flooded his body and soul, pulverizing to dust the remaining shields he had built over the years, leaving him dazzled at the brightness of his feelings. He blinked, too startled to believe his ears. She loves me. She. Loves. Me.

He drew her gently into his arms and his lips closed over hers in a loving kiss.

Breaking the kiss, he breathlessly asked on her lips, with his eyes closed, “Say it again.”

“Eu te amo, Alistair Connor. I love you,” she murmured. “And…yes…heaven help me, us…I will marry you.”

Amen. He wanted to laugh. He wanted to shout it to the world. He opened his eyes and looked at her. My Beauty. Mine.

“Give me your hand, please,” he asked, as happy as he had ever been in his whole life. He gently held her hand and felt her pulse beating as unevenly as his. He took off the Cartier ring, put it aside, and opened the old jewel box.

“Oh. My God,” Sophia gasped.

A twenty-six carat fancy deep grayish-blue pear-shaped diamond set in white diamonds gleamed at her, as Alistair slipped it on her slim finger.

“My father gave it to my mother when they married. When I told my father I was going to propose, he suggested I give it to you. It was my mother’s favorite.”

“Alistair Connor. It’s magnificent.”

“It’s called The Blue Teardrop.” He smiled, feeling more confident and completely besotted. “This ring reminds me of you. You never believe me when I tell you that you saved me. You did, sweetheart. I was living on the scraps of humanity, inside a deep dark well where no sunshine ever reached me. Only you were capable of rescuing me.”