Who You Are

eleven | i want it that way

I have a hard time getting out of bed the next morning. I'm not sure if it's from the ache in my body from the burns of the sun, or if I just can't tear myself away from the pleasant nights rest I got. I don't think I've ever slept so peacefully before in my life. But once the clock strikes 645, I shuffle from my bed and fall to the floor in a tangled mess of sheets and pillows. And leaving the mess for later, I scramble to my closet to find something to wear.

"You up Will?" Greta yells through the door.

"Yeah," I reply. I pick out a pair of dark skinny jeans, a light blue sheer top and a white tank for underneath. My gold gladiator sandals sit on my feet and I brush my hair out, not forgetting to put aloe on my face and shoulders. Greta stands by the counter, flipping through the newspaper and sipping from her coffee cup. She pushes a plate of eggs and sausage toward me as I sit in the chair in front of her.

"I'll pick you up from school today to head to the doctors," she says. I glance down at the cast that adorns my hand and I'm jittery with excitement to have it finally off.

I nod slightly. "It'll be good to finally scratch it," I reply. We make idle chatter before there's a knock at the door and Greta goes to greet him. And I say him, because I know it's Kade. He's never late. I shuffle to the sink to dump my plate and grab my bag from the hallway and sling it over my shoulder, only to have Kade take it as soon as I see him.

"Morning Will," he says. There is no awkward air between us like I thought there would be. He smiles his usual heart stopping smile, takes my bag and my hand and leads me to his truck. "How'd you sleep?"

I blush as he holds my hand to help me into the truck, and I blush even more thinking of what happened last night. If you can even see it under the burn.

I don't tell him that I laid there all night thinking of him. I don't tell him that I listened to the song on repeat all night. Or that I wished I could listen to his voice singing along to the words or feel his skin underneath my palms. I opt for a simple 'fine' and buckle my seat belt.

It doesn't take but 15 minutes to get to school, and we find everyone but Molly at the usual meet up.

"Morning guys," Kade says. He still has my bag. But instead of clutched in his hands, its slung over his shoulder.

"Bro. You catch that game this weekend? s**t was lit," Travis replied. Not even a hello.

"Yeah. I cant believe Brady won," Kade says. I look at him, watching as he runs his tongue across his teeth. "It still leaves a bad taste in my mouth."

"Ugh. I cant wait for him to retire."

"He should have retired after deflategate."

"You ain't lying. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm a temporary Rams fan or not," Travis says. I look between them as they banter about these teams. I don't know who they are, or what sport they play? And I can't say I'm too interested, honestly. Should I be? I mean, Kade is obviously into it. So maybe I should show some intrigue?

Grace nudges my arm softly, breaking inner debate. "What happened to your face?"

I blush underneath the burn again. "I sat outside for too long."

Kade pipes in at that moment. "Have you been putting aloe on it like I said?" I nod. Not making eye contact with anyone. "Did you bring it?"

I nod again, gesturing to my backpack. He grabs it from his shoulder and opens the front pouch. Everyone eyes the whole exchange, waiting for me to say something. But I don't. Because honestly, I dont care if he goes through my things. That's how comfortable I am with him, and I'm still not sure how to react. He comes out with the small lotion of aloe and zips my bag up again before dropping it to the ground.

"Come here, let's puts some on before class starts," he says. He moves to stand in front of me, squirting some into his hand before recapping it and tossing it on top of my bag that lay flat on the ground. I maintain eye contact with him. My breath coming in short pants as he nears closer. I'm not sure if I'm starting to have a mini panic attack from the touch or the loss of personal space. But my pulse spikes and my body hums as he rubs it into my face. Moving my hair out of the way and tucking it behind my ear as he does it.

Definitely from his touch.

His calloused hands feel so smooth as they glide across my skin. And the cooling from the cream does nothing to decrease my bodies temperature. He applies it slowly, taking his time and never once do his eyes leave mine. I'm so lost in the heather grey of them that I dont notice anything else around us. I dont notice the way Chloe and Grace sit there with wide eyes that dart between us. I dont notice the way Travis and Peter stand off to the side, arms crossed and smirks across their faces.

Actually. I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice any of that. Because I do. I just dont care.

However, I dont notice when Molly joins the group. Or the look she gives us, full of awe and wonder. Full of hope. Or the bag of popcorn she shovels her hands in as she watches our display. She just sits there. Silently eating her popcorn.

"This is making me wet," she whispers to the girls quietly. My face blushes again, and Kade shakes with silent laughter. He runs his thumb gently across my cheek before retracting his hand and looking at Molly.

"You're disgusting Molls," he replies with a small smile.

Her mouth drops open, "what did I do? I only meant cause I was drooling." Everyone laughs. And even I have to let out a small chuckle, because I know by the small wink she sends me that that isn't how she meant it at all.

The bell rings, cutting off all laughter. Kade reaches down for my bag, stashing the lotion back in and grabs my hand to follow the group as we head towards homeroom.

He looks down at me, then at our joined hands and gestures to them. "Is this okay?" I look at our hands as well, then look at his face. And seeing nothing but a genuine person, I know it's more than okay. I could hold his hand forever and never get tired of it. He must understand that it is, because he returns my smile and continues on.

My heart and soul still resting in his palm, and I'm not sure I'll ever want it back.

The day passes by quickly, and by the time the final bell rings I'm itching to get the cast off. Kade walks me to the front doors and bids me a goodbye before heading to the field for football practice. Greta greets me in her usual pick up spot with a smile and a wave before continuing her dance and karaoke sing off. I've never met such an aged woman who is as lively and energetic as she is.

Backstreet Boys blares through the speaker as I open the door and I cover a groan and hide my face as I notice students laughing around me. Greta doesn't seem to care one bit as she belts out the lyrics.

"Cause I want it, that way," she sings.

Then the song ends, but my humiliations continues.

I hunker low in my seat and focus on the window, tuning her out as she drives and sings more. By the time we reach the doctors office, we've listened to one N'Sync and two Brittany Spears songs.

It should be a crime for her to listen to them all. Like lock you up for life, crime. Then again. I could get her locked up for murder, because I'm pretty sure my hearing is dead.

The cast comes off, and my arm can finally breathe. It's still pretty tender, but I can at least move it. The doctor checked my ribs and asked me a series of questions about mental health before refilling my anxiety meds and sending me on my way. Greta has it in her mind that we need to consume our weight in ice cream.

Thus how we ended up at Mikes Pint Bites, where the ice cream is silently famous. Or so the slogan is that's plastered across the wall. The candy colored walls, and checkered print floors flow so easily with the scent of every flavor you can think of. The whole back wall is lined with different toppings and the workers wear cute uniforms in pink and white pin stripes with purple suspenders and yellow top hats. The combination sounds absurd, but it smooths together nicely. Greta orders two scoops of rainbow sorbet and I get chocolate chunk and cotton candy with nuts, Swedish fish and caramel sauce. 

It's heaven in my mouth. 

The door dings as it opens, but I don't pay any attention to who enters. I'm so transfixed on my delicious concoction. Greta excuses herself to the bathroom, and a voice interrupts the intense date between the spoon and my mouth.

The voice of the devil.

Dahlia freaking Parker. 

"You know Kade's not really interested in you, right?" she snarls. "I mean, how could he be? You're the most plain person I've ever met. Nothing about you is special."

The spoon freezes halfway to my mouth, and I close my eyes for a moment before focusing my gaze on hers. Her blonde hair is piled into a tight pony on top of her head and her makeup is flawless. The tight shirt does her justice and the skinny jeans sit tight against her lean thighs. I know she's goading me into a reaction, but she doesn't get one.

"It's only a matter of time before he's crawling back to me, begging for me to take him back." 

I continue to stare. 

She scoffs, giving me a disgusted look. "God, do you even talk? Are you a mute?"

"Is there a problem here?" Greta asks, returning. She moves her eyes from mine to Dahlia's. 

"Not at all, we were just wondering if Willow wanted to come to my birthday party?" she says sweetly. Greta raises her eyebrows in surprise. 

"Uh huh," Greta replies, looking at me. I shrug my shoulders, because I don't want her to worry about me. She's not convinced.

"I'll give you the invite on Monday, kay?" she says, fake smile plastered to her lips. I nod swiftly and avoid eye contact with her. She waves goodbye and heads out the door. 

Greta, thankfully, doesn't push me to tell her what actually happened. And I'm so grateful, because I don't have the heart to tell her the truth. 

It would make everything so much worse if she got involved.