His Hour

Chapter 18

The light was gray when Tamara awoke, though the lamp still burned--

more than three parts of the window was darkened by snow--only a peep

of daylight flickered in at the top.

Where was she! What had happened? Something ghastly--but what?

Then she perceived her torn blouse, and with a terrible pang

remembrance came back to her.

She started up, and as she did so realized she was only in her

stockinged feet.

For a moment she staggered a little and then fell back on the couch.

The awful certainty--or so it seemed to her--of what had occurred came

upon her, Gritzko had won--she was utterly disgraced.

The whole training of her youth thundered at her. Of all sins, none had

been thought so great as this which had happened to her.

She was an outcast. She was no better than poor Mary Gibson whom Aunt

Clara had with harshness turned from her house.

She--a lady!--a proud English lady! She covered her face with her

hands. What had her anguish of mind been before, when compared with

this! She had suffered hurt to her pride the day after he had kissed

her, but now that seemed as nothing balanced with such hideous

disgrace.

She moaned and rocked herself to and fro. Wild thoughts came--where was

the pistol? She would end her life.

She looked everywhere, but it was gone.

Presently she crouched down in a corner like a cowed dog, too utterly

overcome with shame and despair to move.

And there she still was when Gritzko entered the room.

She looked up at him piteously, and with unconscious instinct tried to

pull together her torn blouse.

In a flash he saw what she thought, and one of those strange shades in

his character made him come to a resolve. Not until she should lie

willingly in his arms--herself given by love--should he tell her her

belief was false.

He advanced up the room with a grave quiet face. His expression was

inscrutable. She could read nothing from his look. Her sick imagination

told her he was thus serene because he had won, and she covered her

face with her hands, while her cheeks flamed, and she sobbed.

Her weeping hurt him--he nearly relented--but

as he came near she looked up.

No! Not in this mood would he win her! and his resolve held.

She did not make him any reproaches; she just sat there, a crumpled,

pitiful figure in a corner on the floor.

"The snowstorm is over," he said in a restrained voice; "we can get on

now. Some of my Moujiks got here this morning, and I have been able to

send word to the Princess that she should not be alarmed."

Then, as Tamara did not move, he put out his hand and helped her up.

She shuddered when he touched her, and her tears burst out afresh.

Where was all her pride gone--it lay trampled in the dust.

"You are tired and hungry, Madame," he said, "and here is a looking-glass

and a comb and brush," and he opened a door of the tall cupboard

which filled the corner opposite the stove, and took the things out for

her. "Perhaps you might like to arrange yourself while I bring you some

food."

"How can I face the others,--with this blouse!" she exclaimed

miserably, and then her cheeks crimsoned again, and she looked down.

He did not make any explanation of how it had got torn--the moment was

a wonderful one between them.

Over Tamara crept some strange emotion, and he walked to the door

quickly to prevent himself from clasping her in his arms, and kissing

away her fears.

When she was alone the cunning of all Eve's daughters filled her. Above

all things she must now use her ingenuity to efface these startling

proofs. She darted to the cupboard and searched among the things there,

and eventually found a rough housewife, and chose out a needle and

coarse thread. It was better than nothing, so she hurriedly drew off

the blouse, then she saw her torn underthings--and another convulsive

pang went through her--but she set to work. She knew that however she

might make even the blouse look to the casual eyes of her godmother,

she could never deceive her maid. Then the thought came that

fortunately Johnson was in Petersburg, and all these things could be

left behind at Moscow. Yes, no one need ever know.

With feverish haste she cobbled up the holes, glancing nervously every

few moments to the door in case Gritzko should come in. Then she put

the garment on again--refastened her brooch and brushed and recoiled

her hair. What she saw in the small looking-glass helped to restore her

nerve. Except that her eyes were red, and she was very pale, she was

tidy and properly clothed.

She sat down by the table and tried to think. These outside things

could still look right, but nothing could restore her untarnished

pride.

How could she ever take her blameless place in the world again.

Once more it hurt Gritzko terribly to see the woebegone, humbled,

hopeless look on her face as he came in and put some food on the table.

He cut up some tempting bits and put them on her plate, while he told

her she must eat--and she obeyed mechanically. Then he poured out a

tumbler of champagne and made her drink it down. It revived her, and

she said she was ready to start. But as she stood he noticed that all

her proud carriage of head was gone.

"My God! what should I feel like now?" he said to himself, "if it were

really true!"

He wrapped her in her furs with cold politeness, his manner had resumed

the stiffness of their yesterday's drive.

Suddenly she felt it was not possible there could be this frightful

secret between them. It must surely be all a dreadful dream.

She began to speak, and he waited gravely for what she would say; but

the words froze on her lips when she saw the pistol in his belt--that

brought back the reality. She shuddered convulsively and clenched her

hands. He put on his furs quietly and then opened the door.

He lifted her into the troika which was waiting outside. Stpan's face,

as he stood holding the reins, was as stolid as though nothing unusual

had occurred.

So they started.

"I told the messenger to tell Tantine that we were caught in the snow,"

he said, "and had to take shelter at the farm.--There is a farm a verst

to the right after one passes the forest. It contains a comfortable

farmer's wife and large family, and though you found it too

confoundedly warm in their kitchen you passed a possible night.

"Very well," said Tamara with grim meekness.

Then there was silence.

Her thoughts became a little confused with the intense cold and the

effect of the champagne, and once or twice she dozed off; and when he

saw this he drew her close to him and let her sleep with her head

against his arm, while he wrapped the furs round her so that she felt

no cold. Then he kept watch over her tenderly, fondest love in his

eyes. She would wake sometimes with a start and draw herself away, but

soon fell off again, and in this fashion, neither speaking, the hours

passed and they gradually drew near Moscow.

Then she woke completely with a shudder and sat up straight, and so

they came to the hotel and found the Princess and the others anxiously

waiting for them.

"What an unfortunate contretemps, Tamara, dear child," her godmother

said, "that wicked storm! We only just arrived safely, and poor Olga

and your friend fared no better than you! Imagine! they, too, had to

take shelter in that second village in a most horrible hovel, which

they shared with the cows. It has been too miserable for you all four I

am afraid."

But Gritzko was obliged to turn quickly away to hide the irrepressible

smile in his eyes--really, sometimes, fate seemed very kind.

So there was no scandal, only commiseration, and both Countess Olga and

Tamara were petted and spoilt--while, if there was a roguish note in

Valonne's sympathetic condolences, none of them appeared to notice it.

However, no petting seemed to revive Tamara.

"You have caught a thorough chill, I fear, dearest,"

the Princess said; and as they had missed their sleeping berths engaged

for the night before, and were unable to get accommodation on the train

again for the night, they were forced to remain in Moscow until the

next day, so the Princess insisted upon her godchild going immediately

to bed, while the rest of the party settled down to bridge.

"It is a jolly thing, a snowstorm!" Lord Courtray said to Gritzko.

"Isn't it? 'Pon my soul I have never enjoyed the smell of cows and hay

so much in my life!"

But upstairs in the stiff hotel bedroom Tamara sobbed herself to sleep.