In Blue Water

Chapter 19

Filippos pov

“So how it is to be married? You joined the club” Seth a colleague of mine asks. I'm with other three men from the University and drinking coffee in a small cafe close to me.

“Great. I haven't seen much difference from when we were just girlfriend-boyfriend. We do the same things, we have the same programs”

“That's are good. How is the baby?”

“We have an appointment next week. But so far everything is well” I say. Yes as you understand Phoebe is pregnant, almost three months. Happened on our honeymoon, in late July. We didn't expect it so soon but we both are excited about the baby. We already looking for a bigger apartment or house, Phoebe’s the place we stay now is a one-bedroom apartment.

“We are happy for you. Is on for Saturday, you all will come to my Anna’s birthday party right?” Harry another colleague asks. Is her daughter's birthday and he invited her closest friends from work. Which is me, Seth, and Frank. Those three welcomed me from the first moment at work and it was so good. I had so much nervousness to be expected in my work environment. I was lucky, Seth, Frank, and Harry included me in their gang and my nervousness was gone.

“Yes of course. Phoebe can't wait to see Anna and Rachel” Harry's daughter and wife. The other two say that they will be there with their wires and we continue talking about random things. At some point my phone rings

“I have to take this,” I say

“Ashley everything is good. You never call unless is important”

“I'm afraid it is”

“What’s wrong?”

“Phoebe is in the hospital. I was at your place and we cooked and suddenly we saw blood” she tried to say through her tears

“Ashley what are you saying”

“We came straight to the hospital. She is with her doctor now. You have to come here”

“I will. Soon as possible” I say and I end the call. I stand up taking my bag

“I have to go. Phoebe is at the hospital”

“What happened?” Frank asks

“I don't know yet”

“I will drive you there,” Seth says

“Are you sure?”

“Yes let's go,” he said taking his stuff too

“Call for anything you want,” Harry says

“Thank you,” I say and we walk to Seth’s car. On the way, he called his wife Pearl that he would be late. When we reached the hospital I got out of the car and I run inside. I go to the floor that Ashley told me they are and when I see I go to her, Seth behind me

“How is she?”

“I don’t know something yet. The doctor will be here any minute”

“How long are you waiting?”

“Since I called you”

“Why you didn’t call on the way here?” I say sharply and with a little high voice

“We both were so stressed. Phoebe was crying and praying all the time for the baby and I was driving. When she was in I called her”

“I’m sorry. I'm so scared since you called me. Thank you for being there for her”

“It’s ok Fill. I know you are afraid. I'm scared too” Ashley, Seth, and I waiting for the doctor. The time passed slowly but the doctor came to the waiting room

“Dr. Walsh”

“Hi. Phoebe is ok now” she says and I breathe with relief. But I see her trying to say something

“It’s never easy to say this” She takes a deep breath

“We couldn’t save the baby. I'm sorry” she says and I feel the word fainting around me. The next I remember is Ashley talking to me

“Fill?”

“Yes?”

“The doctor said if you want you can stay with Phoebe”

“Yes of course I want to,” I say and I look at the doctor

“Ashley? Can you call her parents? I can’t…”

“Of course. You stay with Phoebe. You need each other now” I smile at her

“And I talk to Mr. Stevens that you can’t come to the university for a while”

“Ok. Thanks, Seth. I will call him tomorrow” They left and I went to Phoebe’s room

“She is sleeping now. She will wake up soon.”

“She knows?”

“No. She wasn’t waking”

“What happened?” I ask and I look my Phoebe

“The first three months are unstable for every pregnancy. Her blood pressure was high and her thyroid issues play a role in that” I nod and ask her to leave me alone with Phoebe. I walk to her and I sit next to the bed. I take her hand in mine and I kiss it. Soon she opened her eyes and she looked at me

“Hey”

“Hi,” I say and I smile. She thinks for a while

“How is the baby?” She asks but I can’t talk

“Fill what happened?” She asks again with tears in her eyes. She moves her body in a sitting position

“They couldn’t save it,” I say and I wipe my tears, Phoebe starts crying and puts her hands on her face. I stand up and I sit next to her. I hug and start kissing her head

“Why?”

“I don’t know love. I’m here with you” I say and I try to comfort her. We stay like that for a while. Hugging each other and murmured our baby. She fell asleep in my arms and I made her comfortable on the bed. I sat on the chair next to the bed and tried to sleep too.

The next day the doctor gave us medicine for home and instructions and let us leave. Her mom and dad came to take us from the hospital and Ashley waited at home. We eat and talk for a while and when we are in the living room Phoebe finally speaks

“I’m going to bed. The doctor said I need to rest”

“Of course honey we will leave in a while” She kisses her parents and Ashley takes her inside

“Don’t be like that. She just needs time. So do you.” Clair said and she hugged me

“Have faith son. Everything is going to be ok” Josh says and they left

“How is she?” I ask Ashley

“She is so sad about what happened. You should go to her. Only you can relax her” she says

“Thank you for everything Ashley”

“No problem. If you need anything call me” she says and when she takes her stuff she leaves. I walk to the bedroom and I see Phoebe lying on the bed and I hear her crying. She holding a teddy bear that I had given to her and we agreed to give it to the baby. I take off my shoes and lay on the bed too and I hug her from behind. No words, no comfort we don’t need it. We both hurt, both are in pain. We just sit here hugging each other.

A month later Phoebe is in the same condition. She was off from work for a week and then she returned. She helped her be away from home and work, it takes her mind away from all of this. It helps me a lot too. We still didn’t get over the loss of our baby but we work it on it. But for Phoebe is more difficult, she talks and makes jokes sometimes but I see her. She is not the same, she is hurting emotionally and so do I.

“Hey baby,” I say when she walks into the kitchen

“Hi. How was work?”

“Good. The article How is it going?” I ask and when she comes closer she gives me a kiss

“Very well. I will finish it in a few days”

“Bravo. You’re hungry?”

“Yes.”

“It’s almost ready. You will go for a shower?”

“Yes. I’ll be back in a while “She kissed me and left

“You like it?”

“Yes, love. You know I like everything you cook” she says and she smiles

“So you want to go this weekend somewhere close just the two of us?”

“I don’t know. I’m not in the moon” she says and she looks at me. She sighs

“Where?” She asks

“I don’t know. Just for the weekend somewhere around Chicago”

“Fill I don’t…”

“Phoebe I know. I’m hurt about what happened too but life keeps going. We have to move on”

“How we can do that? I lost a baby, our baby. He or she will not be born. How we can move on?” She says already crying

“I know is hard but we have to try”

“I…is so hard Fill. You can’t understand what I felt or feel…”

“I was there Phoebe. It was my baby too. You’re not the only one who is hurting about it. I’m trying to be strong for you. I know what you feel. I feel it too. You’re not the only one who crying every night or asking why this has to happen” I say frustrating, I stand up

“I’m trying and trying for you but you’re not helping. We have to move on” I say and walk to the bedroom. I understand her I do but we can’t stay put in this situation. For a month now she has always been home and if is not home she is at work. We can’t continue like that. I sit on the bed looking outside the window.

After a while, I stand at the window trying to relax. I can’t stay mad with Phoebe

I hear walking behaving and then she hugs me from behind. She resting her head on my back

“You’re right. I must respect your feelings too and we have to move on” I turn around

“I’m sorry,” she says

“It’s ok baby. I'm glad that you understand me.”

“I do now. Maybe you should raise your voice a little to wake me up.”

“I didn’t want to raise my voice. I’m sorry” she smiles at me

“I love you”

“I love you too,” I say and she hugs me

“How we will do it?” She asks

“One step at a time. Moving on it doesn’t mean that this baby won’t have a special place in our hearts.” I say and we look into each other’s eyes

“Ok. One step at the time” she says and we smile.

“So where we will go?” She asks and I chuckled

“Whatever you want,” I say and I hug her