The Butler

Chapter 11- Deafening Silence

After that nightmare, I didn't want to sleep again. I had an hour before I had to head for work, so I spent that hour looking for places to move, therapy for my trauma, online college that's actually reputable and possible clues on Damon on my ancient, slow laptop. 

I glanced at the clock. I'll just head a little early I guess. I gave myself a mental reminder to ask for a recommendation for my other part time jobs.

As I got into the taxi that soon arrived after giving them a call, I looked outside the window. I honestly didn't want to live anymore. The only reason that kept me going was the fact my mom was sick but alive. She was getting weaker despite the surgery because the breast cancer was spreading throughout her body making her weak physically. She would sleep more from fatigue, but I could tell she was still fighting for her life. I was going to show a strong face for her despite how cold I felt on the inside. I kept reliving that moment of waking of naked giving me the shivers each time. I gave myself another mental reminder. Look for legal ways to drag Caleb to Hell.

Work distracted me enough, but every time a male customer would touch me on accident to give me their payment, I flinched. I knew this wouldn't be good for the future, but for now, I would have to endure the weird or curious looks that they gave me. I was counting the seconds before I could see my mom. I just wanted to hear her talk or tell me that everything would be fine. I wanted her comfort and warmth.

Once I was done with work, I zoomed out of there. I was able to get the recommendations before my shift started so I had no hesitation to get out of there. Also, the fact that most of my coworkers were male made me uneasy. They were acquaintances so I didn't know their intentions, and I didn't feel comfortable around them. I knew I was being paranoid because not everyone is a monster like Caleb, but the chances of at least one of the people I met today that was disgusting like him were high and that scared me. I only had one true friend at work named Jacob, and he didn't work today.

After booking it to the hospital, I realized I was earlier than usual. I decided to take the stairs. Thinking of being stuck inside a small confined space like an elevator with a man made me nauseous. After I reached my floor's landing, I was breathing heavily. Catching my breath, I took my time to walk over to my mom's room. When I entered, she was sleeping. I put my hand into her fragile, weak hands to hold it. I observed her gaunt cheeks and her pale, blue undertone skin. Her long eyelashes were now gone from chemotherapy. Her lips were chapped, and I could see a feeding tube running into her exposed stomach. Her ribs were showing, and her shallow breaths gave her a rhythmic rise and fall of her chest. 

She usually wakes up after some point without a pattern, so I just waited for her to wake up while I turned on the TV. I watched my beautiful mom sleep as I laid my head on the bed. Occasionally a nurse would come and do routine checkups for my mother, but I kept my head down zoning everything and everyone out but my mom. Her breathing gave me a sense of calm despite the trauma I experienced today. Wishing she'd wake up soon, I gently squeezed her hand. No response.

I wrote a little note: Hey my fabulous mom! Wake me up after you do. I want to chat about my future plans, and I need an update on Dr. Lopez and Dr. Hill. Love ya. I put the sticky note on the blanket where she would easily spot it and laid my head back down. Slowly the darkness consumed me.

I woke up startled. I had a similar nightmare except everyone started bullying me after seeing the picture. I was trembling, and my heart was racing as if I ran a marathon. I realized I was in the hospital and willed myself to stabilize knowing that if my mom saw me panicking, she would get worried. I looked over and saw that she was still asleep. I noticed that the note was untouched on the blanket despite the fact I've slept for six hours. I was becoming fearful that she wouldn't wake up, but no one was notifying me of any causes or new conditions so I tried to soothe myself with one of the tips I found online. It was 4 AM when I checked my phone. Guess I'm staying overnight I told myself. 

I waited by her side patiently waiting for her to wake up, but I started to slowly doze off from the lack of sleep I had the whole entire school year. I was suddenly awoken when her heart monitor started beeping. I pressed the call button pleading for help as a bunch of medical nurses and doctor burst into our room ordering me to back away. I had my eyes open in horror as I saw her bpm reach zero. Her heart was failing. The doctor was using an automated external defibrillator with the shock pads to try to get the heart beating again. The doctor kept shouting clear and repeating the process of shocking her. I stood there motionless wondering if this was another nightmare.

"I tried everything. Anyone else have any other suggestions," the male doctor asked calmly. There was a deafening silence. He continued, "Time of death of Regina Rise 5:12 AM."

"No. You guys must have something else. Please," I begged. 

He shook his head. "A hospital social worker will come by to notify you of the procedures regarding donations of organs and contacts of funeral homes that are affordable."

My breathing hitched as I clawed my neck feeling suffocated. I fell to the ground as chest pains started, but soon crashed onto the floor from an intense dizziness overtaking me. I could see the male doctor rush to me yelling at someone, but I couldn't hear him because it replaced with a low hum in my ear. I was freezing despite profusely sweating on my forehead that drenched my hair. A nurse came over and covered my mouth with a brown paper bag. Eventually, my breathing slowed enough, and my chest pains lessened.

"I'm sorry, darling," the nurse apologized while helping me up. I was still dizzy, so my unbalanced self slammed into the wall for support. She gave me an apologetic look and left the room, as did the other medical staff. 

I stared at my mother's still body with belief that she would wake up.