The Things I Can't Do To You

Eleven Fingers

The Jewellery Quarter looked different when there was nowhere specific to be. Without the pressure of work or shopping lists, Amelia found herself noticing details she normally walked straight past. Hanging baskets overflowing with bright flowers. Tiny independent shops squeezed between old brick buildings. A violinist playing beneath the shade of an old oak tree while people slowed almost unconsciously to listen.

Jake walked beside her with his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans. Comfortable. Relaxed. At least, that was how he appeared. In reality, his wolf was conducting what could only be described as an ongoing campaign of protest.

Touch her.

Jake ignored him.

She's right there.

"I've noticed something," Amelia said.

Jake glanced across.

"Should I be worried?"

"Possibly."

"Go on."

"You keep looking like you're about to say something."

"I do?"

"Then you change your mind."

Jake smiled.

"I've been caught."

"What keeps happening?"

He considered the question.

"I think of something."

"And?"

"Then I decide it's probably a terrible idea."

Amelia laughed.

"I do that all the time."

"You don't."

"I absolutely do."

"No."

"You've known me for just over a week."

"I know."

"So how can you possibly know that?"

"Because when you overthink something, your eyebrows do that."

"My eyebrows?"

He nodded.

"They move."

"My eyebrows have tells?"

"They're remarkably expressive."

Amelia stopped walking altogether.

"You're making this up."

"I'm really not."

She stared at him suspiciously.

"What are they doing now?"

"They're accusing me of lying."

She burst out laughing.

"That's ridiculous."

"They've stopped now."

"You are impossible."

"So I've been told."

They continued strolling between the old workshops and converted factories. For several peaceful minutes neither of them spoke. It wasn't awkward. Jake found himself realising he enjoyed silence with Amelia just as much as conversation. His wolf approved. Rather enthusiastically.

Now hold her hand.

No.

Why not?

Because normal people didn't immediately grab someone's hand on a first date.

You're not normal.

That was difficult to argue with.

Amelia pointed towards the window of a tiny antique shop.

"Oh, look."

Jake followed her gaze. Inside stood an ancient typewriter.

"I've always wanted one," she admitted.

"They're not particularly practical."

"I know."

"I imagine typing emails would take a while."

She smiled.

"I wouldn't use it."

"No?"

"I just think they're beautiful."

Jake watched her studying the display. She looked genuinely fascinated.

"You collect things," he said.

She blinked.

"I do?"

"Books."

"That's hardly unusual."

"You own more than people should."

She looked horrified.

"You've never been to my flat."

"I haven't."

"So how do you know?"

"You mentioned buying another book despite having nowhere to put it."

"Oh."

"And you described your bookshelf as 'double parked.'"

She groaned.

"I actually said that."

"You did."

"Please never repeat it."

"I make no promises."

She laughed again. God, he liked that sound. His wolf had stopped asking him to touch her. Instead, it had become strangely content simply walking beside her. Jake wasn't sure whether that was better or worse. As they reached St Paul's Square, Amelia slowed. The small park sat bathed in sunshine, office workers eating sandwiches on benches while children chased one another across the grass.

"It's lovely here."

"It is."

"I haven't been here in years."

Jake gestured towards one of the benches.

"Shall we?"

She nodded. For several minutes they simply watched the world go by. Eventually Amelia spoke.

"I keep waiting."

"For what?"

"For this to become awkward."

Jake frowned.

"Has it?"

"No."

She smiled to herself.

"It really should have by now."

"I was thinking exactly the same thing."

She looked sideways at him.

"Were you?"

"I've spent most first dates wondering how soon is too soon to leave."

Amelia laughed.

"That's terrible."

"It's honest."

"And today?"

"I haven't wondered once."

Her smile softened.

"I'm glad."

"So am I."

Another comfortable silence settled between them. A little girl ran past holding her father's hand. Without thinking, Amelia watched them disappear across the square. Jake noticed. His wolf noticed too.

Now.

Jake resisted the urge to sigh aloud. He wasn't afraid of holding her hand. Not exactly. He was afraid of what would happen if he did. Every accidental touch so far had sent something warm unfurling through his chest. What would happen if she willingly reached for him? He wasn't entirely convinced he'd survive it with any dignity intact.

"Ready?" Amelia asked.

Jake stood.

"Lead the way."

They wandered aimlessly through the streets until they found themselves back near Amelia's apartment building. She looked at the familiar entrance before turning to him.

"I suppose this is me."

"I suppose it is."

Neither of them moved. People flowed around them on the pavement. Neither seemed to notice.

"I've had a really nice morning," Amelia said quietly.

"So have I."

"Thank you."

"You've already apologised less today."

She smiled.

"I'm improving."

"You are."

Another pause.

Jake's wolf perked up.

This is the moment.

Jake knew. He also knew exactly what normal people did at the end of a successful first date. A hug. Maybe a kiss on the cheek. Possibly holding hands for a moment before saying goodbye. Simple. Straightforward. Entirely achievable. Amelia smiled up at him.

"So..."

"So."

Neither of them seemed willing to end it. Amelia looked down briefly before looking back up.

"Can I ask something?"

"Anything."

"Were you planning on shaking my hand?"

Jake blinked.

"What?"

"You've looked at my hand three times."

"I have?"

"Unless you've suddenly developed a fascination with fingers or want to check if I've got eleven fingers maybe?"

His ears warmed.

"I..."

She tilted her head.

"Oh my goodness."

"What?"

"You've been trying to decide whether to hold my hand."

Jake considered denying it. Instead he admitted defeat.

"...yes."

Her smile became almost impossibly fond.

"You could have just asked."

"I realise that now."

"So why didn't you?"

Jake rubbed the back of his neck.

"I may have overthought it."

"You?"

"I know."

"I'm shocked."

She stepped half a pace closer.

"So."

"So?"

"I'm giving you permission."

Jake looked at her.

"Permission?"

"To hold my hand."

His wolf practically howled with delight. Very carefully, as though handling something precious, Jake reached out. His fingers brushed hers. Warm. Soft. The instant their hands touched, a powerful rush of calm swept through him. Not excitement. Not desire. Peace. Deep, absolute peace. His breath caught. Amelia's eyes widened ever so slightly.

"You felt that too," Jake said quietly.

She looked at him in surprise.

"I thought it was just me."

For several long seconds neither of them spoke. They simply stood there, fingers intertwined and Jake's brain stopped functioning. Kade, meanwhile, appeared ready to compose poetry.

Amelia smiled.

"I think..."

She stopped.

"What?"

"I think I like holding your hand."

Jake's heart performed something medically questionable.

"So do I."

She looked down at their joined hands.

"It's strangely..."

She searched for the word.

"...comfortable."

Jake nodded.

"It is."

She looked back up.

"You've gone very quiet."

"I have."

"What are you thinking?"

The truthful answer escaped before he could stop it.

"I'm trying very hard not to do anything stupid."

Amelia laughed.

"Like what?"

Before he could invent a sensible response, his wolf supplied one.

Kiss her.

Jake's eyes widened.

Absolutely not.

Not yet.

Far too soon.

His wolf disagreed. Strongly. Unfortunately, his face appeared to be having an entirely separate conversation because Amelia suddenly bit her lip to stop herself laughing.

"What?"

"I think I know exactly what your brain just did."

"You do?"

"You looked at me."

"Yes."

"Then at my lips."

Jake closed his eyes.

"Oh no."

"And then you panicked."

"I really did."

She laughed so hard she had to wipe tears from the corners of her eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"No, you're not."

"No."

She grinned.

"I'm really not."

Jake shook his head.

"I've handled negotiations worth millions of pounds."

"I'm sure."

"I've spoken in front of hundreds of people."

"I believe you."

"But apparently one woman smiling at me reduces me to complete incompetence."

"I find that strangely flattering."

"It isn't intended to be."

"I know."

She squeezed his hand gently. The tiny movement nearly finished him. His wolf was now unbearably smug.

See?

Jake took one slow breath.

Then another.

"I should probably go."

Amelia looked genuinely puzzled.

"Why?"

"Because..."

He searched desperately for something believable.

"...I've just remembered I promised my mother I'd help with..."

He stopped.

Amelia folded her arms.

"With?"

"...something."

She raised one eyebrow. Jake sighed.

"I'm running away."

The words hung between them. Then Amelia burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"You're what?"

"I'm running away."

"Why?"

"Because if I stay any longer, I'm going to kiss you."

Silence. Complete silence. Amelia stared at him. Jake realised what he'd said.

"Oh."

"That..."

Amelia smiled slowly.

"...is the most honest thing anyone has ever said to me."

Jake nodded once.

"I thought it was safer to leave."

She laughed again, softer this time.

"I think you might be right."

Relief flooded him.

"So you're not offended?"

"Jake."

She stepped forward and, before he could react, lifted onto her toes and kissed his cheek. It lasted barely a second. Warm. Gentle. Perfect.

"There," she whispered. "Now you don't have to wonder what would've happened."

Jake stood perfectly still. His entire body had forgotten how movement worked. Amelia smiled brightly.

"I'll let you escape now."

She turned towards the entrance to her building before glancing back over her shoulder.

"Oh, and Jake?"

"Yes?"

"Next time..."

She held up the hand that had been wrapped in his.

"...don't wait so long."

With that she disappeared inside. Jake remained rooted to the pavement for another full minute. A passing cyclist rang his bell.

"You alright, mate?"

Jake blinked.

"I..."

He looked at the building entrance. Then at the hand she'd been holding. Then smiled to himself.

"I think so."

The cyclist laughed and continued down the road. Jake finally turned towards home. Kade was insufferably pleased.

For once, Jake couldn't bring himself to argue with him.