The Things I Can't Do To You

Seventeen Corners

The air outside the pub felt cooler than either of them expected. Amelia paused on the pavement, drawing in a slow breath.

"I think I needed that."

"The drink?"

"The company."

Jake smiled.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

She slipped her hands into the pockets of her coat and looked up at the evening sky. The last of the daylight had disappeared, leaving the city washed in amber streetlights and the glow of shop windows.

"So," she said. "Am I walking you home or are you walking me home?"

"I was planning on walking you."

"I thought you might."

"You don't mind?"

She looked at him as though the answer should have been obvious.

"I'd like that."

They set off at an unhurried pace, neither of them in any rush for the evening to end. For a while they simply walked. The silence between them no longer felt uncertain. It had become something else entirely, something comfortable enough that neither of them felt obliged to fill every second with conversation.

Jake found himself matching his stride to hers without thinking.

"You slowed down."

"I did?"

"You've got longer legs."

"I suppose I have."

"You keep adjusting your pace."

"I don't want you to feel like you're chasing me."

Amelia smiled to herself.

"You notice everything."

"I try."

"You really do."

They reached the first junction. Jake turned left.

One.

You're counting.

Maybe.

Why?

Because if I don't, you'll ask me every thirty seconds if we're nearly there.

Kade grumbled.

I wasn't going to.

Jake chose not to answer. Amelia frowned.

"What are you smiling at?"

"You."

"I haven't done anything."

"You've existed."

She looked at him for a moment before laughing.

"That's either incredibly sweet or spectacularly cheesy."

"I'll let you decide."

"I'm leaning towards both."

"I can live with that."

They crossed the road.

Two.

Amelia looked sideways at him.

"You've gone quiet."

"I was thinking."

"Dangerous."

"I know."

"What about?"

He hesitated.

"The chairs."

She groaned.

"Oh no."

"I've realised something."

"I'm almost afraid."

"If we'd gone somewhere bigger..."

She sighed dramatically.

"...there might have been twenty chairs."

"I knew there was a flaw in your plan."

"You'd have been counting all evening."

"I probably would."

Jake laughed.

"I think it's one of my favourite things about you."

She blinked.

"The counting?"

"The fact you told me."

Her expression softened.

"I nearly didn't."

"I'm glad you did."

"I've spent years trying to stop doing it."

"Why?"

She shrugged.

"It makes me feel... childish."

Jake shook his head.

"It makes you feel calmer."

"Yes."

"Then I don't see the problem."

She smiled without looking at him.

"I had a feeling you'd say that."

Three.

The city became quieter as they left the busier streets behind. Independent cafés gave way to rows of terraced houses and small green spaces. Amelia wrapped her coat a little tighter.

"Cold?"

"A bit."

Without thinking, Jake offered his hand.

"Here."

She looked at it then at him.

"You know holding hands doesn't actually generate heat."

"I know."

"So?"

"I wanted to anyway."

Colour rose gently into her cheeks.

"Oh."

There was something wonderfully hesitant about the way she slid her hand into his. Not because she didn't want to but because she did. Her fingers settled naturally against his, as though they had been doing this for much longer than two dates.

Kade sounded unbearably pleased.

Mate.

Behave.

She's holding our hand.

She's holding my hand.

Ours.

Jake concentrated very hard on breathing normally. Amelia looked ahead, apparently fascinated by the pavement.

"I was wondering something."

"Go on."

"You've held my hand twice now."

"I have."

"You always wait."

"What do you mean?"

"You never just... take it."

Jake thought about that.

"I suppose not."

"Why?"

He answered honestly.

"Because I want you to choose."

She looked at him.

"I would."

"I know."

"You sound very certain."

"I am."

She squeezed his hand almost absent-mindedly.

"I'm glad."

Four.

Five.

Six.

They turned another corner.

Seven.

Amelia frowned.

"Can I ask you something slightly strange?"

"I'm beginning to think strange questions are your speciality."

She laughed.

"Fair."

She looked up at him.

"Do you ever get scared?"

The question caught him completely off guard.

"Of what?"

"Anything."

Jake was quiet for a few moments.

"Yes."

"You do?"

"All the time."

She looked surprised.

"You hide it well."

"I've had practice."

"What scares you?"

He thought carefully before answering.

"Losing people."

Her smile faded.

"That's... a very honest answer."

She was silent for a little while.

"My answer's disappointing."

"I doubt that."

"I get scared of looking stupid."

Jake smiled gently.

"I don't think that's disappointing."

"I apologise to furniture."

"I know."

"I count chairs."

"I know."

"I overthink text messages."

"I know."

"I once rewrote an email seventeen times before sending it."

He laughed softly.

"Seventeen?"

"It felt right."

"I see."

"I still forgot to attach the file."

Jake couldn't help himself. He laughed. Not loudly and not at her. Just with the warmth of someone who genuinely found another person's honesty delightful.

"You've got a lovely laugh."

The words escaped Amelia before she could stop them. Jake looked at her.

"So have you."

Neither of them spoke for several seconds afterwards.

Eight.

Nine.

Ten.

The streets had become almost completely residential now. A fox darted across the road ahead of them before disappearing between two garden fences. Amelia stopped.

"Oh!"

Jake smiled.

"You like foxes?"

"I love them."

"You sounded genuinely excited."

"I was."

"I get excited by wildlife."

"I once drove twenty minutes because someone told me there was an owl."

She stared at him.

"Really?"

"It was magnificent."

"I knew there was a reason I liked you."

"You've only just realised?"

"I've been collecting evidence."

"And the owl tipped the scales?"

"Definitely."

He smiled.

"I'll take it."

Eleven.

Twelve.

The familiar outline of Amelia's apartment building appeared in the distance. Jake felt his chest tighten. Not because he wanted the evening to end. Because he knew it was about to.

Kade stirred again.

Too soon.

I know.

More time.

Tomorrow.

Without either of them mentioning it, their pace slowed just a fraction. Neither seemed eager to reach the front door.

Thirteen.

Fourteen.

The building grew closer with every step, and the conversation became lighter again, as though both of them instinctively understood that neither wanted the evening to end on anything heavy. Amelia glanced down at their joined hands.

"You know..."

Jake looked across at her.

"I don't think we've let go since we left the pub."

"I noticed."

"You could've let go."

"I could have."

"You didn't."

"No."

She smiled to herself.

"I'm glad."

"So am I."

Fifteen.

They reached the small green in front of her building. The benches sat empty beneath the streetlights, and the flowerbeds that had been bright with spring only a few weeks before had begun to soften into late summer colours.

Amelia slowed again.

"I've had a really lovely evening."

Jake's smile was immediate.

"So have I."

"I'm glad you surprised me."

"I wasn't sure whether I should."

"You absolutely should."

"I'll remember that."

She laughed.

"Don't abuse the privilege."

"I'll try."

"Good."

Sixteen.

They climbed the short path towards the entrance to her building. Jake stopped beside the security door, reluctantly letting her hand slip from his. The sudden absence of her warmth felt far more noticeable than he expected.

Kade immediately objected.

Take it again.

She has to open the door.

After that.

Jake ignored him as Amelia searched her handbag for her keys.

"You know," she said, still rummaging, "I think you've ruined ordinary dates for me."

"Oh?"

"You plan them."

"I thought everyone planned them."

"No."

She found her keys with a triumphant little smile.

"Most people ask where I want to go. You picked somewhere quiet because I don't like crowds."

Jake hadn't even realised he'd done it consciously.

"You remembered I liked walking."

He nodded.

"You didn't laugh when I told you about counting chairs."

"I wasn't going to."

"I know."

Her voice became softer.

"You make me feel... seen."

Jake had spent most of his life trying not to be noticed so hearing that he had made someone else feel noticed instead felt unexpectedly profound.

"You deserve to be."

For a long moment neither of them spoke.

Kade was utterly still.

Mate.

Jake barely heard him. His whole attention was fixed on the woman standing in front of him. Amelia took a tiny step closer.

"So..."

"So?"

"I've been thinking."

Her eyes searched his.

"You nearly kissed me the other night."

Jake let out a slow breath.

"I did."

"You admitted as much."

"I wasn't going to lie."

"I'm glad."

"So am I."

Another heartbeat passed.

"If I'd kissed you then..." Jake said quietly, "...I think it would've been because I wanted the moment."

"And now?"

He smiled.

"Now I'd be kissing you because I want you."

A faint blush coloured her cheeks.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

She closed the last inch between them.

"I'm going to do something."

Jake's voice came out softer than he'd intended.

"I think I know what."

"Are you going to run away again?"

He laughed under his breath.

"I was hoping not to."

"Good."

She reached up slowly, giving him every opportunity to step back. He didn't. Her fingertips brushed lightly against his jaw before she leaned up and pressed the gentlest kiss against his lips. It was soft, careful and questioning. Jake's world stopped.

Kade exploded into life.

Mate.

Easy.

Mine.

No.

Kiss her.

I am.

More.

Jake had never wanted anything so fiercely in his life. Every instinct inside him urged him to deepen the kiss, to pull her closer, to lose himself in the warmth of her. Instead he lifted one hand to her cheek. He gave her every chance to move away. She didn't.

When he kissed her back, it was just as gentle, just as careful. A promise rather than a claim. The kiss deepened naturally for the briefest of moments before Jake forced himself to draw back. He rested his forehead lightly against hers, breathing a little harder than he cared to admit.

Amelia smiled without opening her eyes.

"Worth waiting for?"

Jake laughed quietly.

"You have no idea."

She finally looked up at him.

"I was worried I'd imagined it."

"What?"

"That you wanted to kiss me."

"I've wanted to kiss you for days."

She grinned.

"You hide it surprisingly well."

"I've had to."

Something flickered across her face.

"Had to?"

Jake realised what he'd said.

"I meant..."

He searched for safer words.

"...I didn't want to rush you."

Her expression softened.

"Thank you."

"You never have to thank me for that."

"I do."

She slipped her hand back into his.

"You make me feel like I get to choose."

"You always do."

She squeezed his fingers.

"I choose this."

Kade's voice was almost unbearably pleased.

She chose us.

Jake closed his eyes for a fraction of a second.

She chose me.

Us.

A smile tugged at the corner of Jake's mouth.

For once, he didn't argue.

Seventeen.

Amelia glanced towards the door of her building, then back at him.

"I should probably go."

"You probably should."

"Will you message me when you get home?"

"I was hoping you'd ask."

"I worry."

"I know."

"And..."

She smiled shyly.

"...can we do that again sometime?"

Jake looked at her as though there could only ever be one answer.

"As many times as you'll let me."

She laughed softly before leaning up to steal one final, fleeting kiss.

"Goodnight, Jake. See you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Amelia."

She unlocked the door, stepped inside, then turned back before it closed. She was still smiling. Jake waited until she disappeared from view before finally turning towards home.

His lips still tingled and his heart refused to settle.

Kade broke the silence.

Best seventeen corners we've ever walked.

Jake couldn't help laughing.

"I think you're right."

For the first time in years, the walk home felt far too short.