Men And Polygamy

Chapter Eight

I have learnt that the life I want for myself doesn’t exist yet , it can only exist if I’m able to create it and from this day on , I will start creating it , designing it and building it in a way that it best suits my taste , now I'm no longer a victim of men and their polygamous nature but a survivor who tells their stories .few weeks back i was a victim who mourned about lives challenges , life was giving me lemons and I was making nothing out of it , but now I’m currently on a journey of making lemonades out of life’s lemons .

It was around 12 noon on a Friday , I had drafted the event I wanted for the day but the first thing on my list was going to see Nate Macdonald's to get my divorce papers signed , though I was mentally and physically free , I wanted to be legally and morally free from him though he had scarred me for life , I wanted to see him personally, I was going to look f*****g hot while at it .

I stood in front of the mirror for almost thirty minutes, studying the woman staring back at me.for the first time in a long time, I wasn't worried about a marriage or my life choices , or many mistakes I have made .

I slipped into my best outfit, a fitted black dress that hugged my curves in all the right places, stopping just above my knees. I paired it with black heels, a small designer handbag, and a pair of gold earrings. My hair fell in soft waves around my shoulders, and my makeup was flawless. I applied a final coat of red lipstick, pressed my lips together, and smiled faintly at my reflection.

I looked beautiful and powerful at the same time and that was proof that whichever way you felt inside reflected on the outside , my heart felt warm and quiet , it wasn’t worried or anxious , it was simply just there in the month right where it should be .For a moment, I wondered if my ex-husband would even recognize me because the woman ego had known all these years longer exists or perhaps she was still there, buried somewhere beneath the layers of foundation and concealer, waiting for the courage to finally leave him behind.I picked up my handbag and headed for the door knowing that today after this meeting I was going to walk out of there as a free woman .

I drove to Nate’s family House , I entered the room and everyone looked at me , but in a different way ,which didn’t surprise me because I also felt different about myself, my life was proof that suffering could make a diamond or gold .I looked at Nate he sat quietly, his eyes following my every movement. The moment our eyes met, his expression softened, and he shifted uneasily on the couch. There was a hint of regret in his eyes as he took in my appearance, perhaps remembering the woman he had hurt so many times. He opened his mouth to speak but hesitated, lowering his gaze as though he couldn’t find the right words. For the first time, he looked less like the proud man I once knew and more like someone who was beginning to realize the cost of his actions. I reached out into my bag and brought out the divorce papers .

His parents took over the conversations that was meant to be just between me and Nate but I had expected it so I made my stance clear without giving room for more conversations .

As I drove home that day , I remembered how Nate had followed me to the door , he tried so hard to make me change my mind , he held my heads and asked if we could talk things out the way we always did but to me it was too late because I had chosen myself already , and was willing to give room for uncertainties. I may have loved Nate too loud and too hard which was why my pain was deeper than the oceans , I was that type of girl that kept my grip tight on things even when it didn’t feel right , although the grip gave me blisters and my fingers would all ache but today I dropped what I had once held dear , even more than my life but my soul became much lighter instead of being filled with fear and anxiety. Today I feel whole ,new and more importantly I feel free.