15/I am done running
1239 Words
Tatiana's POV
After we left the ring , we went in another direction. I haven't visited igora resorts in years so I didn't know where we were headed until we got there. It was the driving track in the resort . At this point I don't even know where Denis wandered off to .
“Why are we at the driving track?” I asked .
“To compete , obviously. “ He replied.
I just don't understand why he keeps picking things I can't do. “Uhmm , but I can't drive” as these words left my lips I could see his expression changes.
“You can't drive?” he asked with curiosity written all over him .
“Not like, I can't drive but I just cannot see myself driving “ I replied trying to explain even though my words made no sense.
“Come on , this is supposed to be fun . I promise not to win too many times “ . He said with a grin .
I don't want to look pitiful in front of Alexei so I decided to comply .”FINE , but don't cry when I win “ I replied with a soft smile and I felt his intense gaze . We walked towards different sports cars, as expected we were the only ones at the track . I wonder if he rented the whole resort.
I picked a dark purple sports car while he picked a black sports car . He went into his and I did the same with mine , the guide stood in the middle and counted for us to start . It was at this point that I realized that I made the most foolish decision ever .
My hands were trembling, my eyes were spinning and my breath became unsteady. It felt like I was reliving an incident I was never part of. My head was aching and everything became blurred as hot tears rolled down my cheeks. I held my head trying to stop this feeling but it only worsened it .
Words that I could not understand was all I could hear , his voice felt like a static radio .Then I felt his hands on my face , it was soft and gentle. “Blue breathe “ , he said calmly .
His words were calming but the panic was overwhelming so I was still holding my head as it ached even more . Alexei kept trying to calm me down in several ways. He talked calmly to me but yelled at the guide to call medics and stop standing like a fool. At this point it was not the worst like my previous panic attacks but my eyes were still spinning and tears were rolling down my cheeks while I kept trembling. I hated this moment because Alexei would view me as a damsel in distress who needs saving .
In seconds two nurses arrived, and they asked that Alexei and the guide gave me space to breathe. Just as Alexei was about to let go of my hands and walk to the side reluctantly, I held his hands with all the energy in me . “Don't go, “ I said with my voice barely above a whisper.
“I am not leaving, Blue. “ He says as he pats my back .
One nurse held my second hand and asked Alexei for my name .
“Her name is Tatiana,” Alexei replied, then continued patting my back .
“Tatiana you are safe , my name is Susan .” She said,
The nurse tried to calm me down in various ways by speaking calmly, reassuring me that I was safe , guiding me to breathe slowly and deeply. Then the second nurse offered me water to drink .
The nurses were really helpful. They asked me to focus on my senses and breathing and I became calm after a while . When Alexei noticed that I was fine he started to relax . The nurses waited for me to be fully calm before leaving, Alexei thanked them with a handsome amount of money.
He kept staring at me like he had something to say but was keeping it to himself.
“Just say it and stop staring at me like that” I told him .
“Why did you do that? “ He asked angrily.
“I just wanted to have fun like you said” I replied, staring at nothing.
“So you are trying to blame me for what happened, “ he said, trying to calm his anger .
“Alexei don't misquote my words -”
“Do you know how scared I was “he interrupted me .
“I just didn't want you to see me like a damsel in distress. Cause I'm not one of them “ .
“I know you are not one , but another thing I know and don't expect of you is perfection” he said as he moved closer to me and held my cheeks, and I felt a connection, one that I have never felt in my life.
His eyes stared right into mine then he said “I love you BLUE” . Hearing these words made me feel butterflies in my stomach. I opened my mouth to speak but words could not leave my lips , how did I become speechless just by hearing him say I love you . Before I could process his words and my feelings, Alexei leaned in and kissed me .
It felt magical, I didn't pull back rather I kissed him back and as much as this felt amazing, I could not stop myself from thinking if I am making a good decision. So I stopped kissing him , and it felt like I stopped the best feeling ever .
I could not believe that I just kissed Alexei so I stood up and tried to walk away because nothing made sense at that moment and walking away felt like I was hurting myself.
“Blue stop, “ he said as he followed me .
“Why are you walking away, I just told you that I loved you “ he said as he held my arm firmly but not to hurt me , just to stop me from walking away .
“Well , I don't love you, “ I replied, trying to walk away.
“You know you are lying to yourself, we love each other blue “ his words hit me that maybe he was right , what if we are actually falling in love but another thought struck me , who falls in love in days . Life is no fairytale.
“Nobody falls in love in days “ , I said as I walked away but he didn't stop me but his words did .
“You are right, I was wrong to believe that you were done running from every situation you find yourself in” . Hearing these words made my legs still , I could not move forward. I just stood there for a second before walking towards Alexei but he was already walking in the other direction.
“Don't go, “ I said, trying to catch his attention .
He turned and faced me while I walked towards him and kissed me .
- Writer
