The Voices of Goray

Chapter 5

———

The sky was lit by various fireworks in all the colors Eseah had ever seen. He stood across the railing of Nao's bedroom. Listening to the shouts and music coming from the streets and alleys.

- That's all for us.

Nao's hands slipped around Eseah’s waist as he placed his chin into the nook of his neck.

- You mean for you. It's your celebration.

- What's mine is yours, Es. Haven't we established this yet?

Es turned around and faced Nao, watching the colors illuminate his face. Nao's hands traced Eseah's cheeks, at which he smiled.

- It will forever feel surreal.

Es commented and fixed the satin lace cape to Nao's chest.

- Like living a fairytale.

- Well I'm glad it's our fairytale.

Nao pulled Es close for a tender kiss, while stumbling back into his bedroom while the celebratory ceremony went on in full commotion.

Es smiled and moved to Nao's pace as Nao took the lead.

- You hear that?

He smiled and closed his eyes. Es tried to make out the words of the song, yet it sounded so unfamiliar. Nao pulled Es to his chest and sang along to words only the Goray would know by heart.

- It's one of the olden ones. About our God falling in love with a common one. Bonded by nothing but their unconditional love for one another.

Es smiled as Nao went on.

- How God wishes to give his dearest the universe and all the time in the world, yet they ask for nothing but his love. One doesn't hear that often anymore. Yet during my trial of time as a child, it was my choice to pick the song I'd want to be worshiped.

- You must think, this is fate?

- Eseah. Think? I strongly believe I've picked my destiny from the day that I was trialled to the day I met you.

- I do admire you for your belief.

Eseah smiled and pressed his lips gently to Nao's, while they continued to sway and dance to the song of the olden ones.

- You are my scoundrel, the common one of Goray.

- You need to teach me to read.

- Reading? Are you sure? That might take forever.

Targan threw Es a serious look.

- You have to teach me. Please.

- I can't even teach the simple basics of nurturing to ordinary humans. Let alone teach a Birgu fighter to read.

- Please.

Targan pleaded, holding Izeka close to his chest.

Eseah wondered, maybe he could be of help after all with this.

- I don't have any more room for vacancies though.

- I don't need a vacancy. I just need patience.

Es nodded and placed the dagger onto the desk before getting up towards Targan.

- May I have her now?

- She fell asleep.

- Then let's put her to rest.

Es shoved a small wooden crate filled with a blanket, to which Targan nodded and gently placed Izeka into it.

Targan looked at Eseah, piercing through his body with his yellow eyes. There was a sort of soothingness to it. A hint of kindness perhaps? Gentle, yet intimidating at the same time.

- I suppose you have questions.

He took off his dark emerald coat and placed it onto a chair nearby. Es let out a sigh and walked up, took his coat and hung it onto the coat hanger next to the entrance while taking the bags finally into the bookstore.

- I didn’t mean to be rude.

Targan exclaimed as he watched his coat move to the other side of the room.

- I know. I just. What book were you really searching for?

- The olden one’s.

Es stopped for a moment and looked up to Targan, dropping his bags in disbelief.

- Who told you it was here? Has somebody requested it? WHO SENT YOU?!

Targan was taken aback by Eseah’s sudden outburst. He mumbled over his own words, indistinguishable noises leaving his lips.

- The … The child.

- I don’t give a damn if she’s sleeping. Who told you the olden one’s book was here?! And why would you need it?

Eseah stepped up closer to Targan.

- You know, - technically- well - actually .. that book shouldn’t even be here to- to.. begin with.

The Birgu fighter stuttered.

- And how exactly would you be in the position to know so?

- All I know is, I need to get it for someone. I can’t tell you who. They never said their names. But they seemed desperate. I can’t read. Why choose me? They could’ve taken one of our own smugglers for all I know. But he said it had to be me.

- Well, none of the writings should be read by any other faith.

- So you’re telling me, you never took a peak?

- How dare you! Of course I haven’t.

Eseah took full offense. Yet that was a lie. Es spent nights reading through the pages of the olden ones, trying to find a way to get Nao back. To find him out there. To no avail.

90 percent of the scriptures were in Gorayian. He was only able to piece bits and words out from Amorian, but there was no value in whatever he managed to translate. If Nao knew, he probably would’ve never given it into Eseah’s hands to keep it safe.

Targan sighed and removed a strand from his face, piercing a look at Es.

- Look, I might not believe you, but I was sent to take it.

- I won’t give it to you. There’s nothing that will change my mind.

Eseah stood firm, reaffirming his standpoint.

- The book isn’t yours.

- The book isn’t yours either.

- That’s why I need to bring it to someone.

- By the Graces of Uzesh. You don’t.

Eseah scoffed.

———

Far out around the borders of Eray, a beige, clothed hooded figure snook around the walls. The sand whipped into countless shapes and mirages. Dancing around the figure. Their linen throwing shapes with the wind, as if one another were acquainted with each other. Light footsteps vanished from their path intentionally.

The figure jumped up, floating in place, lifting them higher and threw a handful of sand across the wall. After a short while, a closed-off metal box was thrown over the wall, wheeled down by a pulley-system to the figure.

Masculine's hands opened the lid and placed an envelope into it, closed it and pulled 3 times on the chain. Watching the box get pulled back up again as the sand and wind continued its stormy dance. The hooded figure swayed around the moment the box had left it's sight. Light like a feather, their feet dropped. They continued on out into the forsaken dunes, the sand dodging it as if it were it's master.

———

Es paced back and forth in utter clueless confusion. His eyes wandered to Targan every now and then, who was busy keeping an eye on Izeka.

What in the world was a guy like him in need of the book of the olden ones? Eseah recalled the time at which Nao gave it to him. The whole point of him having it was so nobody would know. It baffled his mind why, out of nowhere for all these millennia, suddenly someone wanted to claim the book.

- Look, you can't just come here and claim a book that nobody should even know I own.

- Seems like somebody knew.

- It makes absolutely no sense.

Eseah paced further in complete confusion.

- There's a lot that doesn't make sense. Just as much as it makes no sense that you have this child of the Goray. Guess times are harder than one might think.

Targan stroked the small hand of Izeka and looked towards Es.

- I just can't piece it together.

- Maybe that's not what you're supposed to do to begin with. All I know is, there was an order given. One of the smugglers reeled in an envelope from the dunes. I couldn't read the order but I still remember all the fancy lines and scribbles on it. Looked weird and suspicious to me. But they've written your bookshop down as the last known place. Figured it was a bookshop and couldn't have gone far from here.

Targan pulled a chair close to himself and sat on it in reverse. He placed his arms over the backrest and looked at Eseah.

- They paid a lot of coins and demanded someone who couldn't read. We were only a handful considering others of us managed to still find time to learn how to read. From all the guys, they picked me. It seemed more like a mockery. And it did give some of the guys quite the ammunition to fire one or two awful remarks. I don't want to learn to read that book. I don't care for whatever this book has between its pages. I wanted to learn how to read, just for the sake of not being that guy anymore. The deal was, I'd get that damn book and fulfill the order and come back as a guy that isn't some illiterate i***t.

Eseah watched Targan's facial expressions carry a burden he must've had for too long. He didn't expect one of Birgu's own to have this kind of vulnerability. They spoke with fists and answered with violence. There was no room for thin-skinned guys like Targan, who appeared to be deep down.

- I'm sorry they did that to you.

- PAH. They did nothing. It's normal. It's just my own mind fighting with itself.

Targan sighed and pushed one of the strands of hair back behind his ear to shake it off.

- Either way, I didn't come here to tell you my life story after all.

Eseah tried to hold back a laugh in a weak attempt.

- Just the book and reading lessons.

To which Targan nodded contently.

Es' couldn't fathom as to why he would ever even think of agreeing to such a deal.

Nao would've probably given him all the reasons to abort this entire thing. First and foremost, Targan is a stranger, yet back then Nao was a stranger, just like Targan was. It felt like Eseah was a magnet, pulling each of them to him. Like moths to the street lanterns.

———

- Why do we do this to ourselves?

- What do you mean?

- This whole thing. We're right here, in your bed and it feels like I'm lost on a different plain.

- You're just not used to this life, Es'. It's okay for it to feel like a different plain.

Nao pushed himself up and turned over to Eseah. His eyes traced Es' body. He loved admiring him any chance he got. Es' was the normality in his life. It always felt far away from him. But here it was. The normality, even if it was just a brief second during sunrise, before any of the servants barged in to claim Nao for themselves. Nao loved to cherish that moment in the mornings. Having Es' all to himself, bare and full of love.

- You should probably get dressed.

- It's alre-

With a loud thud, the bedroom door swung open as a slender man rushed in with no regard as Es' hastily pulled the sheets across his body.

- Yeah, I was trying to save your face.

Nao laughed and wiggled his eyebrows towards Es', who had hidden his face in absolute shame, peeking up at him.

- An announcement from the Graces, Nao. "

The man bowed quickly, waiting for Nao to give him permission to speak.

- Well, what are you waiting for? What is the announcement?

- Oh, apologies. The Graces have wanted to invite you and your…

The man hesitated for a moment.

- Me and my what? You can say it. He's right here. Not like he doesn't know.

- Your lover… for dinner.

The man cleared his throat.

- You make it sound like I have a new man in bed every day.

- I didn't mean to make it sound that way.

- Spare me, tell the Graces we'd absolutely love to join them for dinner.

Nao smiled as he waved the slender man out of the bedroom. To which he bowed and rushed out, closing the door behind him.

- A dinner?

- Why not?

- I thought they didn't know about us actually being together.

- Which is precisely why I am interested in this dinner. I questioned that phrasing as well.

- Do you think it's because they want to marry you off to a wife?

- You think I'd give them that chance to make decisions for me? I want you. No one else by my side.

- What about children?

- I can always just get orphans. My bloodline means nothing to me. I might be an egotistical God. But I'm not stupid.

- You don't want to carry your lineage?

Es' poked up from the sheets and looked at Nao.

- It makes no difference. There are plenty. My incarnation would not be guaranteed. It's not like the Gorays don't populate like animals. Children are born every damn day. If I refuse. There's no loss.

- And here I am, the last of my own.

- That's just a prophecy. You're part of something bigger. You were chosen. To be fair, that's a bit ironic, glad your Amori didn't get to live to see her not being the one surviving. Which is rather funny if you ask me. I'm sure she would've spent her days hidden and, as you call humble. But I do suppose you are the last of your kind. If you die, the Amori will die with you. I understand how excruciating this thought might be. But it's all in your hands.

Nao lowered himself and gave Es' a forehead kiss. Was it for comfort or out of pity, one could not tell. It did bug Nao though. Eseah won't be carrying on his own bloodline. No Amori would come next in line. There was no Amori to birth his own, and even if there was, Nao was well aware that nobody but himself would be allowed to touch Es'. Was it Nao's jealousy? Absolutely.

He couldn't stand the thought of someone else getting to see parts of Es' that he was only allowed to see and touch. Possessively, Nao would raise hell at anyone, even looking at Eseah the way he looked at him. Es' was too soft. With the right words, anybody could sway him. Nao was sure of it. But he was Nao's and only Nao's alone.

It would've been easier if he could keep Es' to himself for all eternity, which he probably would want to try. There's no doubt about it.

- I should probably get dressed.

Es' pulled Nao out of his possessive thoughts.

- Yeah, even though I do enjoy the view.

He groaned, leaning over and ran his hands down Eseah's chest, trailing kisses down his neck before stopping his hand right above Es' groin.

Es' let out an agonising pant, as his hips lightly jerked.

- You're awful.

- Hey, should I remind you, you're the one that is naked in my bed.

- From last night.

- So why not let it be from this morning too? Not like the palace doesn't already know.

Nao threw a mischievous grin before moving across and planting himself between Eseah's legs, positioning them around his waist. Nao's lips trailed across Es' chest while he pressed his hips into Es' groin. Eseah let out pants quietly, while his body jerked at the friction that Nao created between the two.

Nao continued to enjoy Es' flustered reactions. To this day he was still so teasable. Always able to end up flustered and embarrassed, it made Nao feel special when Es' body gave in to him.

- Ready?

God whispered longingly into Eseah's ear with a forceful thrust against his crotch.

- hn. Ngh- d-do it.

———

Eseah got lost in thoughts as he watched Targan carry Izeka around the room, taking various books with drawings off of the shelves and describing the pictures to her. He was trying to do his best to keep her entertained as her small giggles echoed through the shop.

Weeks passed as Es' and Targan started their reading lessons in exchange for Targan helping take care of Izeka. It was harder than Es' imagined. Targan picked up a lot, though he still had trouble with entire sentences. He got better at reading words by themselves, but sentences made the words and letters jumble all together for him, causing him to lose focus. Was a guy like Targan perhaps nervous? Was it the fear of being judged as an illiterate muscled fool?

Out of the corner of Es' eyes, he noticed glances from Targan every now and then as he paced through the shop from shelf to shelf. It made Eseah uneasy. Was he plotting something? Maybe it was a bad idea to keep him around for help? But then Targan would lift Izeka up and give her a short push into the air as her laughs filled the room, Targan catching her again on the way down. In moments like these, it felt like Izeka was never Es' to hold as clueless as he was some days. It felt like he was tasked to do something he was not well equipped to do. Like an apprentice that suddenly was in charge of the entire Magi tower.

- Are you alright?

Targan tore through Eseah's blank stare.

- I'm fine.

- You look like you're in your head.

- I always am.

Targan walked into the backroom, putting Izeka into her wooden crib that he made with his own hands before walking back to Es' desk. He leaned onto it and looked at him with a concerned expression.

- For the child, you should not get lost in your head.

- Well it's hard remembering things. They come in waves, like flashbacks of things I'll never be able to express.

- Those flashbacks are dangerous. You need something to take your mind off of them. Before somebody gets hurt.

- The only one that gets hurt is me.

Es' turned away as he tried very eagerly to hide his watery eyes.

- Look, I know this is all purely based on our teacher - student dynamic, but if you don't talk. I probably won't be able to help you either.

Targan wanted to know Es' desperately, though he knew pushing him would only let him hear what Eseah wanted him to hear. It was a terrible push and pull. One thing came to light and Eseah would push him away till the next time he ended up opening up a hint of vulnerability.

After Nao, Eseah was terrified of letting anyone in. Letting anybody else see the side Nao saw was like denying that they were ever a thing. As if it was a bad omen if he betrayed God. He knew how irrational it sounded, despite Nao being still a person like himself, he already knew he betrayed his own faith by worshipping a God in unspeakable ways none of the Armori would ever be able to understand.

Nobody would really care, yet Eseah still worried about what any of his ancestors would've said. He mourned Nao more than his own family. More than the woman that raised him, even if deep down he wished for her guidance, it was Nao's adventurous rebellion, dominating demeanour and his absolute worship of Es' that he missed the most. Nao made him feel seen. Now he was a brick hiding from most of anyone's sight.

When Nao and Es collided, it was like a new universe coming together. They had spent so many moments with each other before it all turned into disaster. Before the dunes decided to part them.

- Eseah?

Es' looked back up to Targan as the tears just rolled with no regard down from his cheeks, dripping from his chin. There was the vulnerability, tears cutting Eseah more than the realization he had been tearing up so hard that his throat made indistinguishable noises, he couldn't even form words as he got up and rushed into the backroom, closing the door with his back, as the look on Nao's face when he first cried like this in front of him unlocked an older memory.

———

Eseah's body was shaking on the floor of the palace as he stormed out, the silk clothes Nao had given him were brushing across the marbled tiles. It made him cry harder, as he knew this wasn't his life. He had no idea about decorum.

- I'm sorry.

He cried out as he heard footsteps rushing over to him.

- I'm sorry, I ruined them.

- What the f**k, Eseah?!

- I ruined the silk.

- Are you crazy?

- I don't belong here. Don't look at me like that, please Nao. I beg you.

- Eseah, if you don't look at me like I'm a person, I swear by the Graces of Uzesh.

- I am not worthy of what you give me.

- GET UP FROM THE FLOOR.

- I just can't walk in there and act like I belong. I can't. You don't know what they asked of me. You weren't there.

Es' tore up further as Nao ran up and grabbed his arm to pull him up. Eseah's body gave in, his heart was racing as his mental state had just been annihilated by whatever happened in the dinner hall.

- What happened?! Everything was fine. We had a great morning. You loved the outfit I gave you and not even a few seconds into dinner, you stormed out like somebody had tried to poison you.

- Maybe at this point they should've.

Es' frantically tried to compose himself, turning his head away as Nao held tight onto him.

- Look at me, if you don't tell me what happened, I can't do anything about it. What happened?

- I don't want anyone to get in trouble. I - I.. I just can't. I do not belong here. They're right. I'm just some lonely amori, that's good for nothing. There are so many others far more worthy of your attention, than somebody as useless as me.

- WHO IN THEIR WRONG MIND DARED TO EVEN PUT THAT THOUGHT INTO YOUR HEAD?!

Nao exclaimed in anger as he looked at Es'. He never heard his voice vibrate in the lowest tone. It was like Nao had become a different person. His eyes narrowed down as he looked at Nao.

- Eseah, I demand you to tell me who said that.

- I don't know their names. It was some woman, she was sitting next to me… I was introducing myself and she leaned in with a smile that said more than whatever left her lips.

- By the Graces of all that's dear to me.

Nao let go of Eseah's arm, storming off with heavy steps. From the distance Eseah watched with teary eyes, Nao's clothes swaying in frantic dominant swings.

Es fell back onto the floor as his cries echoed. He did not have the strength to pick himself back up while all the pain ran through his veins.

Only one thing that tuned out Eseah's painful cries was the loud yelling Nao's voice expressed in the dining hall.

The hall had gone silent during Nao's anger filled entrance. The Graces were appalled by the anger as the rest of the halls guests were terrified.

** Your anger is misplaced.

** Oh, you dare tell me my anger is misplaced? I will have you know what is misplaced!

Nao walked up to the seat that Es' had been sitting in, he flicked his wrist as he stopped the time inside the hall, Es could still feel the anger of Nao leaving his trails as it was encompassed in the dining hall.

** You… my dear.

Nao cracked a smile filled with the powers of wraith as he leaned into the blonde dressed up in an expensive silk and lace dress. She was shaken up, while everyone else around her froze in time.

** I… I…

** Speak, you manipulative child.

** I…

** HOW DARE YOU DECIDE WHO BELONGS NEXT TO ME AND WHO DOESN'T!

Nao slammed his fist onto the dining table, he let the sound settle as it echoed through the silence of all the frozen guests, deafening the anxious voice of the woman.

** He isn't - He's not noble.

** YOU THINK I'D GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HIS STATUS? You're as shallow as they come are you? You think I'd want this?

Nao leaned into her, grazing his fingers across her cheek, down her neck. His eyes did not even move from her eyes as he trailed down to her chest.

The woman did not know if she should've felt honored while in so much terror that Nao's voice filled her with.

** I…

She continued to stammer.

** BY THE GRACES AND EVERYTHING I HOLD DEAR. You dare make a choice for a God. Sweetie, you're the last thing I'd ever want next to me. AND EVEN IF YOU WERE THE LAST f*****g NOBLE IN ALL OF UZESH. You would not even be on my list of choices. You're lucky my heart takes mercy. So now get the f**k out of my palace before I change my mind.

Nao's voice vibrated through the hall as he pulled himself together from not trying to slap her.

She gasped and pulled her dress up together, bowed hastily and ran as if her life depended on it. Eseah watched her with tears running past her, his body still laying on the floor with watery eyes. He watched as she almost tripped over her dress while she feared Nao would run after her as she vanished behind the next corner.

Eseah's heart ached. This wasn't what he wanted. It was his fault he kept telling himself. Nao scared the daylight out of this woman for what she dared to tell Es' between smiling teeth. He knew he did not belong…

- I didn't want this.

Eseah poured his entire heart out all over the floor. As Nao rushed with big steps across to him.

- Come here. You do belong next to me.

Nao calmly reached out his hand, waiting for Eseah to take it.

Es' hands reached up while he tried to hide his teary eyes with his other hand, to which Nao grabbed his face with his free hand and took a concerned look at him.

- I have never seen you cry so hard. And I'd be damned if anybody ever did this to you again. I'd rather rot in eternal damnation than let anyone get away with it like that. You belong here. You belong next to me and nobody else. Absolutely not one soul is pure enough to judge you.

Nao wiped the tears from Es' face before pulling him into a comforting embrace while Eseah cried into Nao's dress-shirt.

- You belong to me. I promise nothing will ever change that.

- I'm sorry…

- Shh. No, I am to blame. I took you here to begin with…

———

Tears rolled down Eseah's face as he pressed his body to the door, keeping the backroom closed.

- Whoever you lost out there, must've really done it, haven't they?

Targan leaned against the door, listening to Es' trying to muffle his painful cries that sent pain through his entire body. This was the first time he realized how long he was holding everything in. How many decades did he spend trying not to cry over Nao's disappearance?

- It's whatever.

- Doesn't sound like it's whatever.

Targan tapped lightly against the door. Was he trying to comfort Es', he didn't know what to do. This wasn't his thing. He wanted to suggest to Eseah to go out and throw rocks into the dunes. Didn't matter what he'd throw, as long as he had a way of getting everything out.

- I'm… fine..

- Sure you are. And I'm the bastard son of the Graces.

Eseah almost laughed for a split second before he got pulled back into mourning Nao. It wasn't easy for him to not fall apart as his hands trembled trying to stop the tears he'd been holding in for so long.

- I just.. Needed a moment.

- Mhm.

He just fell apart behind the door on the floor. Hee tried to pray to Nao. Any second something that will tell him he's still there. A glimpse of hope, something that didn't scream he's not there anymore. Es' felt angry and confused at the same time. All this time, he just wanted to get Nao back. To wake up one morning and it's him he'll see. It was the deep realization after so long that Nao might not be coming back nor even still be alive…

- f**k you.

Eseah quietly mumbled underneath his breath as he slipped his body further to the floor.

- f**k you for leaving me like this, after everything. AFTER EVERYTHING!

His voice rattled the backroom, causing Izeka to cry out too. Beaten and defeated, Es' sat up and leaned over to the crib. Placing his chin onto the railing, watching her cry along with him.

- You'd be so much better taken care of back home… I don't know why they decided it was me… I'm an absolute mess, Izeka.