Saving A Marriage

2 - Regret

One of the one reasons why I chose Levi was the fact that he was a Minister's son. Reverend Marcus Del Fierro, now my father-in-law, raised his children in the church.

It wasn't being biased, but for me, among the six siblings, Levi was the kindest, sweetest, and the most sensible.

And in my nine-year long relationship with him, I've never seen him as someone who would defy the Lord's commandments. I thought he was the perfect man who could save me from my traumatic past.

I was the happiest when he finally asked me to marry him. I thought it was the start of our happily ever after. For a while, we were happy. Everyday with Levi had been a bliss. A heaven on earth.

"We're here, Ma'am," the driver's words pulled me back from my thoughts.

I grabbed my wallet and gave the driver some bills.

As I alighted the car, I was greeted with a dark house. If it were not for the garage light that I intentionally left open before I left this afternoon, it would be totally dark.

Levi's car was nowhere in sight. Didn't he say he was on his way home? He should've arrived first. The hospital was nearer here than Papa's house.

Worry enveloped me. I took my phone out and called Levi before I could get inside the gate.

His line was busy.

I kept trying until I felt my hands shaking in anger. Whom was my husband talking to?

Could it be that the hospital called him again? I hope it was the case. Maybe he was called back, that was why he wasn't still here?

I entered the house and gloomily looked around the small but lavish living room. Why did I feel like coldness had already seeped inside our home?

It felt cold and lonely.

I sat on the sofa and stared at our wedding photo on the wall. Three years. It was only three years since that was taken and yet why did it feel like that was already too long ago?

I'm not sure if it's only me, but Levi had not admitted anything to me nor had he acknowledged the fact that we had a problem. Was it all just in my head? Was his coldness just my imagination?

I jumped from my seat when I heard his car. I hastily ran outside to open the gate for him. And then I waited patiently until he came out of the car.

"Hi," I said, moving to give him a kiss. A few months ago, he would initiate it with his lips playfully pouting at me. But now, he barely bent so I could kiss him. I wasn't sure where my lips landed or if it even landed. I felt like I kissed the air.

I could feel my anxiety getting the better of me as I watched him enter the house.

"Have you eaten?" I asked, following him inside and closing the door behind me.

"I already did," Levi answered, throwing his white coat on the sofa.

"Where did you eat?" I asked.

"What's this, Myr? Must I tell you where exactly? Okay, fine. I ate at the hospital canteen. You want to know what I ate? Whom I ate with? What are you, an investigator?" He suddenly snapped at me, taking me by surprise.

I only asked out of concern. Nothing else! I am his wife, wasn't it just right for me to ask? Because if he hadn't eaten yet, I'd go and prepare a meal for him!

"That is not what I meant!" I defended myself. "Why do you speak like you're hiding something from me?"

"See? I knew it! You're doubting me again!" He turned his back and went upstairs.

I followed suit. "Why are you so defensive, Levi? I am just asking!"

"I could hear it in your tone, Myr. Don't try to deny it. I know you." He pulled off his top scrub and tossed it in the hamper.

I sighed. I didn't want to escalate this quarrel further, but I am aching inside. How could Levi talk to me this way?

"Where's your phone?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"What do you need my phone for? Are you going to investigate it too?" Levi was clearly annoyed. But he took his phone from his pocket and threw it in my direction like he didn't care a bit if it would fall.

I quickly scanned his phone while he went inside the bathroom.

There was no call log in his dialed or received calls except for my call earlier. How could that be? His line was busy for a good five minutes when I called him when I got back to the house.

"Whom are you talking to thirty minutes ago, Levi?" I shot him a question at once when he emerged from the bath. He had taken a quick shower and went straight to bed while drying his hair with a short towel.

"You," he simply said.

"I was calling you when I arrived but your line was busy! It's five minutes, probably longer!"

"I was driving, Myr! How could I talk to anyone for that long? Are you nuts?" He refuted.

"Driving, huh? Is that all you can say? Don't take me for a fool. Or was it the network's fault? Mistaking your line to be busy when it wasn't?! Besides, weren't you already on your way when I called you? Why was it that I arrived first?"

"Stop this nonsense. I'm tired." He laid on the bed, his back facing my direction.

Nonsense, he said. He called the thing that hurt me, nonsense.

"Why are you lying to me?" I began to sob as I sat at the foot of the bed. I couldn't help it. Why was he denying? Did he think I wouldn't find out that he was talking to someone? Perhaps he made a stop while talking to whomever that's why he got stalled. "You erased your call logs, Levi. You are keeping something from me. Who is it? Are you in communication with someone?"

I felt my heart ache at the thought. Could Levi really do that to me?

"D*mn it, Myrtle!" He suddenly raised his voice, startling me. Did he just… curse? "Aren't you going to stop?! I want to rest!"

I bit my lips as tears started falling from my eyes. Did I go overboard with my question? That's why he got mad?

But my gut feeling was telling me that something was wrong. But I couldn't also accept the possibility that he was seeing someone behind my back.

No. Levi couldn't do that to me…

My sobs turned to crying as I felt a sharp pain inside my heart. Why couldn't I disregard the possibility? My instinct was telling me that I was right with my hunch.

After all, where would all these coldness and impatience from Levi come from if he hadn't fallen out of love for me?

He had fallen out of love for me? With that, I cried even harder. Twelve years of being together, was that even possible?

"What are you crying about now?!" Levi got up, irritated at me.

In the past, he couldn't bear to see even a single tear in my eyes. I still remember how my tears could make him switch his decisions just to see me smile instead.

But now, he was irritated? He didn't reach out to dry my tears. Didn't he care anymore? It wasn't like I'm trying to manipulate him with my tears, but wasn't it too much for him to ignore me when I'm clearly in pain here?

I bit my lip and forced myself to stop. "I'm sorry!" I said, trembling with fear that he might snap and leave me.

"Why are you saying sorry?" All of a sudden, his tone was gentle. But I could still see his frustration by the way he ran his hands through his hair.

"I'm sorry for nagging," I answered between uncontrolled sobs. "Are you mad at me?"

He shook his head. But he didn't look at me. "I'm just thinking if we made the right decision three years ago."

"What do you mean?" I felt like a knife was suddenly stabbed in my heart. I held my breath as I waited for his next words.

"We married in haste. Perhaps, we weren't prepared for this."

I couldn't believe what he said. We got married in haste?!

"Are you kidding me?" My words came out just a little above whisper.

It was true that we got married only three months after he proposed. But before that, we've been in a relationship for nine years!

And he still thought we married in haste?

Levi didn't answer. He stood up and walked to the door.

"Levi, what do you mean? Do you regret marrying me?" My tears poured out like waterfalls again.

"I didn't say anything like that," he said before opening the door and walking out.

I was frozen on my spot. He didn't say it, yes. But I'm not stupid. Why would he think about our marriage like that if he didn't feel any regret?

That night, Levi slept on the sofa downstairs while I was left crying alone in our room…

The next morning, I woke up to find no sign of Levi in the house. He had left when I was still sleeping. Was he that mad at me?

I tried calling him to find out if he had gone to work on a Sunday. But he didn't take my call.

Levi hadn't attended church for seven weeks straight. He said that he needed to go to work because the hospital was understaffed. I didn't bother to verify if it was true.

Levi had no history of lying to me. Well, except last night. Or was it only because I found out? Had he been lying to me even before I took notice of his changes?

I swiped on my phone and created a message for my husband.

'Good morning, love. Have you already gone to work?' Like an i***t, I knew. Of course he already had. But there's something inside me telling me that I had to ask.

Because it was Sunday and I needed to go to church, I braced myself for questions later from my in-laws.

As I expected, the moment Mom saw me, she immediately asked about Levi after we hugged each other.

"He had to go to work," I said as I sat at my usual seat beside her and Levi's sister, Esther. The latter gave me a concerned look but didn't say anything.

"He isn't answering my calls, is he that busy, Myr?" His mother further asked in a low voice, holding my hand.

"Yes, Mom," I smiled and covered for Levi. I still didn't know if he was really doing something that he shouldn't do. Until then, I must protect his image in his very family.

"Okay. I guess I'll just pay you a visit one of these days. What time is he usually home?" Mirriam asked again.

"No specific time, Mom. Sometimes he comes home early, sometimes very late at night." Then it hit me, when did Levi last come home early?

"He must be really busy then."

We stopped talking because the service had already started.

"Take for example, why do young couples often have marriage problems? It's because when you weren't still married, the enemy had nothing to destroy… But once you've already entered the sanctity of marriage, he will target you. Try to ruin your relationship. And when you have given in to the temptation, he will further make you guilty. See, you have sinned! You aren't a true child of God…"

At one point during the preaching, I found myself emotional. Why did I feel like the message was for me?

Nevertheless, I held back my tears until the service ended. I was planning to quickly take my leave. But Esther caught up with me before I could book a ride.

"You and Levi have a problem," she said, as if she was very sure that she was right. "Don't try to deny it, Myr. I was there even on day one of your relationship with my brother. I've known you for more than a decade already."

"What are you talking about? Of course not!" I tried to deny it even when I knew that she wouldn't buy it.

"Liar," she accused. "Come on, let's talk about it over lunch. My treat!"

Before I knew it, she was already dragging me to a nearby restaurant.

I had been checking my phone for any reply from Levi. But seven hours later, I still didn't receive any message from him.

I felt like a hand was squeezing my heart out of my chest. How could he not care to even confirm that he was at work? Typing back a reply won't take a minute anyway.

Why couldn't my husband give me just a few seconds of his day? Am I not worth it anymore?

"You're crying, Myrtle. Tell me, what's wrong."

I was surprised when Esther said that. Was I crying? I touched my cheeks that somehow were already dampened with tears without my knowledge…

I was indeed crying!