Bracebridge Hall

The Widow's Retinue

I do not mean to apply the latter part of these observations to Lady

Lillycraft, for whose simple kindheartedness I have a very great

respect, and who is really a most amiable and worthy being. I cannot

refrain, however, from mentioning some of the motley retinue she has

brought with her; and which, indeed, bespeak the overflowing kindness of

her nature, which requires her to be surrounded with objects on which to

lavish it.

In the first place, her ladyship has a pampered coachman, with a red

face, and cheeks that hang down like dewlaps. He evidently domineers

over her a little with respect to the fat horses; and only drives out

when he thinks proper, and when he thinks it will be "good for the

cattle."

She has a favourite page to attend upon her person; a handsome boy of

about twelve years of age, but a mischievous varlet, very much spoiled,

and in a fair way to be good for nothing. He is dressed in green, with a

profusion of gold cord and gilt buttons about his clothes. She always

has one or two attendants of the kind, who are replaced by others as

soon as they grow to fourteen years of age. She has brought two dogs

with her also, out of a number of pets which she maintains at home. One

is a fat spaniel, called Zephyr--though heaven defend me from such a

zephyr! He is fed out of all shape and comfort; his eyes are nearly

strained out of his head; he wheezes with corpulency, and cannot walk

without great difficulty. The other is a little, old, grey-muzzled

curmudgeon, with an unhappy eye, that kindles like a coal if you only

look at him; his nose turns up; his mouth is drawn into wrinkles, so as

to show his teeth; in short, he has altogether the look of a dog far

gone in misanthropy, and totally sick of the world. When he walks, he

has his tail curled up so tight that it seems to lift his feet from the

ground; and he seldom makes use of more than three legs at a time,

keeping the other drawn up as a reserve. This last wretch is called

Beauty.

These dogs are full of elegant ailments unknown to vulgar dogs; and are

petted and nursed by Lady Lillycraft with the tenderest kindness. They

are pampered and fed with delicacies by their fellow-minion, the page;

but their stomachs are often weak and out of order, so that they cannot

eat; though I have now and then seen the page give them a mischievous

pinch, or thwack over the head, when his mistress was not by. They have

cushions for their express use, on which they lie before the fire, and

yet are apt to shiver and moan if there is the least draught of air.

When any one enters the room, they make a most tyrannical barking, that

is absolutely deafening. They are insolent to all the other dogs of the

establishment. There is a noble staghound, a great favourite of the

squire's, who is a privileged visitor to the parlour; but the moment he

makes his appearance, these intruders fly at him with furious rage; and

I have admired the sovereign indifference and contempt with which he

seems to look down upon his puny assailants. When her ladyship drives

out, these dogs are generally carried with her to take the air; when

they look out of each window of the carriage, and bark at all vulgar

pedestrian dogs. These dogs are a continual source of misery to the

household: as they are always in the way, they every now and then get

their toes trod on, and then there is a yelping on their part, and a

loud lamentation on the part of their mistress, that fills the room with

clamour and confusion.

Lastly, there is her ladyship's waiting-gentlewoman, Mrs. Hannah, a

prim, pragmatical old maid; one of the most intolerable and intolerant

virgins that ever lived. She has kept her virtue by her until it has

turned sour, and now every word and look smacks of verjuice. She is the

very opposite to her mistress, for one hates, and the other loves, all

mankind. How they first came together I cannot imagine, but they have

lived together for many years; and the abigail's temper being tart and

encroaching, and her ladyship's easy and yielding, the former has got

the complete upper hand, and tyrannises over the good lady in secret.

Lady Lillycraft now and then complains of it, in great confidence, to

her friends, but hushes up the subject immediately, if Mrs. Hannah makes

her appearance. Indeed, she has been so accustomed to be attended by

her, that she thinks she could not do without her; though one great

study of her life is to keep Mrs. Hannah in good humour, by little

presents and kindnesses.

Master Simon has a most devout abhorrence, mingled with awe, for this

ancient spinster. He told me the other day, in a whisper, that she was a

cursed brimstone--in fact, he added another epithet, which I would not

repeat for the world. I have remarked, however, that he is always

extremely civil to her when they meet.