The Pawn

Happiness lived shortly

'vincere ant mori'- conquer or die.

“Do you remember Matthew?” I was met with Rome’s wide eyes. Well, it was a sudden question, but every time I asked about his other one-night stands, he didn’t have a reaction like that.

“What? Don’t you remember him? Maybe his hole wasn’t enough to satisfy you?”

He laughed, nervously? Bumping my shoulder as we approached the opera building. I stopped dead in my tracks, forgetting the reason I even started this conversation as my mouth was slightly left open.

“No way!”

“Shut the f**k up!”

“Rome! You didn’t sleep with him?!” I couldn’t believe my own words. Rome Snaider, a top f*****g playboy, missed the opportunity?!

He groaned and massaged his nose.

“He is a top”. I went quiet for a few seconds. Rome… didn’t have good memories with tops. So I thought hard to avoid the topic. Great, now I can never find out what I wanted. Which was, how the hell did that crazy guy get my number.

“So, are you nervous?” I sure as hell was nervous, but somehow, admitting that you are nervous makes you even more nervous. So I didn’t.

“There is nothing to be nervous about.” Yeah, right. This is your big day, you prick.

***

The teacher swiftly appeared in the room, his sharp eyes swiftly moving over to everyone, until they landed on me. They were there, locked with mine, before he spoke, breaking contact.

“I will go over the play once more. This is about fear. This is about accepting the darkness. You should all dance as if you are the victims, feel the fear, feel the adrenaline. And you,”

Another sharp glare.

“Artis, you are the only one who should strive for it. While everyone is trying to get away from the darkness, you are willing to drown in it, to let the fear embrace you.”

I have been living in fear for the last two days. I will not need to pretend.

A sharp inhale of mine, and a small headbow, was enough for him to nod, and everyone went to their own business. I looked down, tying my shoes, when the teacher replaced my hold with his.

I stared at him, not knowing what to say, but a small ‘thank you’ was enough.

“You have been striving for this all your life. Now is your chance to prove it. I believe in you, artis”

My heart stills. The drumming in my ears. I felt a pat on my shoulder, as the teacher's figure stood up and walked away.

I can do it.

***

“You did it!” Rome jumped into my arms, his hands trailing to my waist as I was lifted and swooshed around.

My feet felt like they would give out any moment as they met the floor once again.

I did it.

“Mr. Roberts, I did it!” I happily let out all the emotions that had been bubbling inside, only to receive a proud smile and a nod from my teacher.

“WOOOOO” Rome screeched so loud that my left ear started to ring. Hitting his nape, my face turned to teach again.

He carried a different emotion now. What was it? Worry?

“Listen, Artis. I know that you are too excited to care about it now, but you need to plan ahead.”

I stared at him blankly, trying to understand what he meant. Taking the hint, he continued.

“This is moving to a whole different step. The top soloists choose you, which means that you will need to put extra strength and discipline into it. You need support.”

“That’s okay, I can-,”

“No you can’t. It’s not only that. It needs… better financial support. You will need to travel multiple times a year, and you will need money for shoes. For costumes and extras. Are you sure you can provide that?”

I thought hard before opening my mouth to speak again.

“I can work part time”, I was met with his headshake. What does he want me to do, to give up? To cancel the opportunity? No. Never.

“You can’t work part-time and dance at the same time,”

I felt sympathy in his gaze again.

“No. DO not tell me that I have to give up this opportunity. You knew I would do this, you knew they would choose me, so why back down now? I can manage it-”

“You can’t…” bullshit “Alone.” I demanded more information. What did he mean by that?

I glanced at Rome, who looked as confused as I did. What was this man blabbering?

“As I said, you need support. There is a reason why all the soloists are wealthy.”

“Because they earn a lot?” Rome joined in.

“No, you can’t be this successful and wealthy at the same time. They have investors.”

“Investors?”

“They have support, they have their back-up, people who invest in them. They know that no matter what, their public status can not be damaged. The investors provide not only financial wealth, but protection. Being a star is not easy. Artis, Do you have an investor?” He asked, yet he knew the answer.

The silence spoke to it all. I didn’t know anything about that. I didn’t know you could invest in people. I knew I would need money, but I had plans to do a part-time job. I could save up. Guess it was not enough.

Assuming my silence as an answer, Teach spoke up.

“Okay, I am very happy for you, Artist. You are so close to your dream, so let me help you a little. I will talk to the top soloists, to give you a week to decide. During this time, you must search for someone. It’s your only chance.”

My head started to hurt, making me dizzy as I sat down. I thought about it. Hard. I have to do something. I'm only a few centimeters away from my dream. I can not let this opportunity slip.

“I will try”

“Good, I will talk to them”. He hurriedly rushed out backstage, leaving me and Rome alone, who silently sat next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. We stayed silent for a few minutes.

“I know how much you wanted this… I have money saved up from my previous exhibition. You know I sold a lot back then, so-.”

“No,” I interrupted. I can not, and I will not let myself be so selfish, to accept money that was intended to help others wish to fulfill.

“Artis, im serious”

“No, Rome. I will find a way, but thank you.” I glanced at him gratefully. He was such a good friend. I would not allow this opportunity to go to vain. I will think of something to earn money quickly. I will. I threw on my jacket after standing up. I can do this. Think Artis, Think.

“Call me later”, I heard Rome’s voice and turned around while walking backwards, giving him a small wave.

I smirked. I have an idea.