Thirteen-4
1995 Words
“You’d let me go?” I whisper, not believing his admission.
A single word changes my life forever.
“Yes.”
I have finally attained my freedom, but it’s too late. What a cruel, cruel world.
“I never wanted this for you, and I’m sorry for everything I’ve done,” he says while I begin to cry. “I’ve done some unspeakable things in my life, but this…” He brushes away my tears with his thumbs. “This is by far the worst thing I’ve ever done. He’s already taken so much from me. Giving you to him…how can I do that when I—” He pauses, wrestling with his words as he stares me deep in the eyes.
“I shouldn’t feel this for you…but I do,” he concludes with sadness while my mouth parts in utter shock. “I don’t even know what this is, but the thought of you and him…” His jaw clenches while a guttural growl gets trapped in his throat.
My mind swirls as his confession has left me a speechless mess.
Saint has just admitted that he too feels this inexplicable connection, and regardless of our current circumstances, I need him to know I feel the same way.
Placing my hand over his, I softly declare, “I feel it too.”
A weight lifts off my shoulders because I suddenly feel free from my oppressive guilt. But Saint takes a step backward, running a hand through his hair. “Then we’re both screwed.”
“Why are you doing this?” I’ve asked him this before, but unlike those times, he’s ready to tell me the truth now.
With hands threaded atop his head, he exhales deeply. “Remember when I told you I don’t get paid in money for doing this?”
I nod once, too afraid to reply.
“Giving you to Popov, I get paid with my…” Everything slows down because all roads lead to this moment in time. “Freedom. Freedom for me and…Zoey. My sister.”
Time comes to a standstill, and the noise quietens.
You’d give up everything for this w***e? Zoey would be very disappointed to know that. I know now what Kazimir meant.
“Zoey is your s-sister?” I stumble over my words because I feel like I’ve just swallowed lead.
This is the final piece to the puzzle, the piece I’ve been missing this entire time.
“Yes.”
I stagger backward, covering my gaping mouth with a wavering hand. “So you’ve done all of this for…her? You trade me for your freedom? And for Zoey’s freedom?”
He tips his head back, staring into the heavens. “Yes.”
Oh, god.
The truth has been presented to me. It’s what I wanted all along. I thought once I knew it, I’d understand everything, but I was so wrong.
My legs threaten to buckle, but I wrap my arms around my middle and blink away my tears. “I feel sick,” I whisper, my voice hollow, broken.
“Everything I did was to teach you a lesson because I couldn’t give you to Popov the way you are. He would break you, ahгел. Badly. I couldn’t let him do that to you.”
This cruelness is the only kindness I can show you. I can’t deliver you to him with you behaving this way.
Saint’s words play on a loop as I didn’t understand them when I first heard them. But now, I do.
“All the things I did.” He slowly lowers his chin, meeting my eyes. “All the horrible things I’ve done to you…Popov will do to you. But far worse. I wanted to be the one who broke you because I’ve seen what he can do.”
“Why did you sleep with that woman?” I cry, emptily. It wasn’t him needing to get off. And it stemmed far deeper than him simply needing to teach me a lesson.
“Because I was, am crazy in whatever this is with you…Willow. I needed an outlet. I needed to forget how much I wanted you. And I needed you to see what it will be like.”
My name has never sounded sweeter than right now.
“You are so innocent but so brave. Underneath that strength is a vulnerability Popov will thrive on. He will break your modesty any way that he can because you’re a challenge for him. He is the fox while you are the rabbit. He will hunt you until you’re his. He will force you to watch him do some deplorable things. And other times”—he inhales, closing his eyes—“he will force you to engage.”
My stomach turns. I was right all along.
“He will be your tormentor, but he will also be the person who will make the pain go away. I was cruel because I needed you to submit…any way that I could. My ways are less painful than Popov’s. He would destroy you. I’ve seen it. I’ve seen what he’s done to my sister.” He shakes his head slowly as if attempting to rid whatever memory plagues him.
“So that’s why you treated me…touched me the way that you have?” My disappointment shines. “To prepare me for what Popov has in store for me?”
His chest rises and falls, and my heart sinks. But it kick-starts back to life.
“No, ahгел. I touched you because I wanted to, and I hate myself for being so weak.” He runs a hand down his face in exhaustion.
“Why?” I don’t understand.
“Because my weakness is Zoey’s demise,” he explains, his tone pained. “You were supposed to be the solution I’ve been searching for, for over two and a half years. But this…pull I feel toward you, it will destroy so many lives.”
And there’s the kicker.
His feelings for me result in his sister being imprisoned forever. I am a trade for Zoey. For his freedom. I finally understand why he’s done it. You sacrifice everything for the people you love.
“What happened to Zoey?” It feels alien to speak her name as for so long, it was forbidden.
He laughs, but nothing is humorous about the sound. “It happened so long ago, but this memory is one that will haunt me for the rest of my life.”
I dare not speak and allow him the time he needs.
He stares off into the distance as if he’s going back in time. “Zoey is my younger sister. She’s always been the free-spirited one while I was happy to follow the norm. She would light up whatever room she walked into. My parents adored her. We all did.” His Adam’s apple bobs, and I hold my breath.
“Her dream was to backpack around the world. To most, it would stay a dream but not to Zoey. So one day, she packed up her stuff, bought a one-way ticket to London, and left. She sent the occasional email, but she wanted to backpack off the grid. To see the grittier side to life. She got a lot more than she bargained for.
“I was busy at work but living a good life. The last time we spoke, she had called and asked if she could borrow some money. For some reason, I snapped. I told her to stop wasting her life and to come home. To get a job and to be an adult. I was so stupid. So narrow-minded. I should have known something was wrong as she’d never asked for money before.
“When my mom called and told me she hadn’t heard from Zoey in over two months, I knew something was wrong. We called the police, but without knowing where she was, they had nothing to go on.
“We had no idea what to do. At the time, I was dating a woman named Jessica.”
I curl my fists, leaving crescent moon prints in my palms.
“She was an IT specialist and was able to trace the last email Zoey sent. It was to her best friend, asking if she could wire her some cash. She was in Moscow, and she had run out of money. She asked Betty not to tell me or my parents because she didn’t want to worry us. She had started working to earn some money. Her plans were to stay in Moscow for no longer than a month. All we had to go on was that she was working at a bar. No name. No address. Nothing.
“Something didn’t sit right with me, but I didn’t know what it was. My parents were sick with worry, so I decided to go look for her. I told work I would be back in a week, two weeks tops. But little did I know, I would never go back to America again.”
I gasp, shaking my head in shock. “What? You stayed in Russia?”
“Yes,” he replies, nodding once.
“What about your parents?”
He inhales sharply. “I broke their hearts all over again.”
I chew the inside of my cheek to stop the tears because I don’t want to cry. Besides, what right do I have? Here he stands, suffering the memories, only for me to understand. I owe him the respect of listening to his story without tears.
“I didn’t know what I was in for. I searched every f*****g bar, but no one wanted to talk to a privileged American boy. They pretended they didn’t speak English. But they all knew what I was there for.
“I looked for Zoey for over two weeks but found nothing. My parents told me to come home, but I just couldn’t shake that feeling that something wasn’t right, and with every corner I turned, that feeling just got worse. I was desperate to find her, so desperate that I did something that changed both our lives forever.”
One decision changed the course of Saint’s life. It’s unfair it was the wrong choice to make.
“I was getting nowhere it seems because I was asking the wrong people. Moscow can be beautiful. But mostly, it can be cruel. I stumbled across a group of men who were nothing but trouble. That was the night I met Kazimir. I asked if he had seen Zoey. They all looked at her photo, and I knew they had, so I wasn’t leaving until they told me where she was.
“But that’s not how it works. These people, they abide by a different set of rules. They told me they would give me information if I did something for them. I was to deliver a small parcel the next night to an address they gave me. I had no idea what it was, but I didn’t care. I agreed.”
This is where his tale turns.
“I was on my way the next night. The moment I turned the corner, four masked men jumped me. They took me to an abandoned building and tortured me for twelve hours,” he calmly relays, and I gasp, horrified.
“They wanted to know where I got the parcel from. I didn’t budge. I couldn’t. I knew Zoey’s life depended on me being strong. I had already failed her once before, and I wasn’t going to do it again. They were very…creative with their torture methods.” He absentmindedly rubs over his side—over one of the many scars he has.
“But I still didn’t talk. When they were satisfied, they removed their masks, and I saw they were the men who gave me the parcel.”
“It was a test?” I question although I know the answer. I know the game well as Saint had delivered his own tests when we first met.
Saint nods. “Yes. They wanted to make sure they could trust me. And they did. They took me to meet their boss, Popov…the bastard who had my sister.” Waves of anger roll off him. “He told me Zoey was well. She was happy. But I didn’t believe him. She would never do that to my parents. He showed me a picture of her, and it seems a picture doesn’t lie.
“He would allow me to see her if I did a small job for him. I had no choice, so I said yes. The small job was, in fact, a two-million-dollar drug deal. The thing about the bad guys is that they don’t like change, so when they saw me, they instantly thought they were being set up. All hell broke loose, but I was a quarterback. And I also know how to throw a punch.
- Writer
